MOVED

a/n: hey guys!! my best friend (@hazydespair / @pitifulidiot) and I have teamed up together to bring you Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do. We write these for our own entertainment and hope that you find some hilarity in them, too. Please follow Hazy’s account, as the second part will be published on her Tumblr! Thanks everyone! Enjoy!

• • • •

The Avengers Initiative states,

Upon becoming an Avenger, each party shall read over these guidelines and sign their name, stating that they hereby agree to the terms and conditions of the DO NOT's of being an Avenger. Shall a party break any of these rules, punishment is certain.

1. Bucky and Sam are not allowed to bully Peter while on missions, any other time is free game

2. No calling Bruce Shrek

3. No calling Loki Elsa

4. Scott and Phil are not allowed to sit and gush over Steve Rogers

5. Tony isn’t allowed to draw fake mustaches on Fury's photos

6. You can’t send T’Challa cat toys

7. Don’t ask Fury how many fingers you are putting up

8. Thor isn’t allowed to put his hammer in front of anyone's door

9. No cosplaying each other

10. Thor isn’t allowed to put his hammer in the elevator

11. No using Steves shield as a turtle shell

12. No putting Bucky and Sam in the get along shirt

13. Don’t ask Bucky for a hand

14. Helping Steve cross the road is not helping the elderly

15. Don’t ask Thor how high he can count

16. Don’t steal Peter’s lunch money

17. Don’t let Bucky use Steve's shield as a sled

18. Bucky and Bruce aren’t allowed to listen to heavy metal

19. No telling Thor that Jane dumped him, it makes him ‘salty’

20. Please don’t show up at Peter Parker's place of work or school

21. Don’t call Natasha momma spider and Peter baby spider

22. No more calling Tony, Tony Stank

23. Scott isn’t allowed to have insect fights with Peter

24. No asking Vision how his vision is

25. Stop asking Nick what is in his wallet

26. Don’t put a metal detector against Bucky's arm

27. Sam and Clint aren’t allowed to make bird noises at each other

28. Please stop putting googly eyes on pictures of Nick Fury

29. Please don’t take Thor to Halloween horror nights

request: Loki AU! Loki is a director for a popular theatre company and you decide to audition, do you get the lead? Are there some typical theatre people who think they will get the lead who are mean? Does Loki fall for you? Do you and everyone else fall for him? Ily shawty. Regarding my last message, either Loki AU or Tom AU whichever you feel fits the best ❤️ @hazydespair

a/n: BESTIE, I LOVE YOU. i hope you love it too. as i'm sitting in front of you, watching you read this. thank you for being my bestie. i may have some things messed up, as i don't truly understand your art of performing, but i really hope you like it. ily too shawtyyy

word count: 1,674

pairing: Tom Hiddleston!Director x Reader

Anxiety. That’s what continued to bubble within you, begging for dominance. You kept going over your lines continuously, a tension headache forming at the front of your brain. Pinching the bridge of your nose, you inhaled deeply, trying your best to remain calm in this situation.

It’s not like you were about to go up and audition in front of one of the world’s greatest theatre directors. You had gone through so much in order to get to this very moment and you just wanted it to go perfect. Not to mention, the director himself happened to be the hottest man you had ever laid eyes on. Pictures surely did not do this man justice. Although you hadn’t quite seen him in person yet, you would within the next few minutes.

The show you were auditioning for if receiving a part, would be the biggest production you had ever been showcased in. You had gotten lead roles before, you were ensemble in some shows, extras in others. You adored and had an absolute passion for the life of the theatre, having done it since you were a little girl.

It was your dream to perform in a production directed by none other than Tom Hiddleston himself. The man had it all. He could sing, he could dance, his acting skills were brilliant. You only hoped you could be as successful as he one day in the acting business. He had the skills, the brains, and the breathtaking good looks which made him the perfect person to mold and shape the theatre company. You only wanted to impress him, but isn’t that why everyone else was here today, too?

You watched as female after female approached the stage. Their singing skills were incredible and you finally offered yourself a glance of the astonishing director. Seated with a few others, he had a book in his hand to which you knew he was taking notes on each person. Every girl that appeared onstage was going for the lead role of Olivia Jones, a bright-eyed, bubbly girl whose world is suddenly transformed when she meets the likes of Henry Middleton who introduces her to life in royalty, a dashing king looking for his personal queen. The actress who received Olivia's role needed to have the abilities of dance and song, to which you had worked so hard to improve.

You watched as a blonde girl proceeded to the stage, script in hand. You gazed down at yours and sighed.

“He is a literal dream.” You heard the blonde squeal. “I have the part.” She tossed her hair behind her shoulders and made a point to brush shoulders with you as she walked sassily away. Before you knew it, your name was called. Gearing up, you inhaled deeply and walked from behind the curtain, onto the massive stage.

And there he sat in all of his glory. Tom Hiddleston, script in hand, looked up at you and for a moment, his crystal eyes seemed as if they knew you. Your heart jumped into your throat as his voice sounded within the theatre, echoing, sounding as beautiful as ever.

“Good evening, darling,” He smiled formally. “What’s your name?”

You stammered but pulled yourself together.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N).” You smiled. “It’s an honor to stand before you, Mr. Hiddleston.”

“Please,” Tom grinned. “Call me Tom. You’re auditioning for the role of Olivia, correct?” He glanced down at his stack of papers.

“I certainly am.” You smiled.

Tom smiled at you. He looked down and suddenly picked up a paper, scooting himself away from the table.

“I haven’t done this yet today, but I feel this is necessary, (Y/N).” Tom made his way over to the stage, climbing the stairs. Your heart quickened and jumped back into your throat as he approached. He hadn’t even crossed the length of the stage before he cologne entered your air passages. You inhaled, his scent breathtaking, nearly making you fall over.

“There’s a certain scene between Olivia and Henry that I’d personally like to perform with you.” He looked at you. “As long as you’re okay with that?” You finally noticed his accent. You adored British accents and Tom’s was thick, luscious, and rang dearly through your ears.

But then you realized. Tom Hiddleston wanted to perform a scene with you. You remembered he hadn’t once stood up from his seat today and did this with any of the other women auditioning for Olivia. Tom instructed you to turn to a certain page of the script. You had nearly memorized Olvia’s lines and the scene that Tom had chosen was the scene where Henry and Olivia are in the rose garden, where he professes his undying love to her, promising to cherish her for all the days of his life… and there was a kiss scene.

“This is my absolute favorite scene. I’m a hopeless romantic. Are you okay with this?” Tom was certainly the most genuine person. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable with everything before initiating.

You both cleared your throats, Tom beginning.

“Olivia, I know this life isn’t what you’re used to. But from the moment I met you, I knew I could never let you go.” Tom acted as Henry, putting his every effort into the lines. You were already enthralled, but you kept yourself composed, ready to give it your best.

“Royalty is not for me, Henry! This is your life. I so desperately want to be a part of your life… but how can I manage as queen? With the resignation of the crown, it’s all just moving so fast. I can hardly think!” You acted, putting your emotions into your lines. You gazed into Tom’s eyes and he stared at you, his blue orbs softening.

He walked closer to you and your heart thudded.

“Olivia Jones, I swear on my life that I will protect you. I cannot imagine my life without you in it.” Tom made it a point to gaze deeply into your eyes, his hand carefully reaching out to intertwine with yours. The distance between you two was quickly closing. “You are the love of my life. I will not enact as king if you are not my queen.”

He reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. You already had the line memorized.

“Henry,” You gasped, reaching out to rest your hand on Tom’s chest. It felt like second nature. “Are you sure I can do this?” You whispered, tilting your head down, eroding the sadness that Olivia feels, the fear she’s experiencing.

“My love,” Tom whispered, placing a hand underneath your chin, carefully tilting your head upward to meet his gaze. You found yourself lost in his eyes. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” With that, your lips were centimeters apart. Tom gently brushed his lips against yours and you felt yourself begin to shake, but you quickly controlled it.

You kissed him back and absentmindedly, you felt Tom’s opposite hand with the script lower onto your back, pulling you a bit closer.

As you two pulled away with foreheads resting against the other’s, he cleared his throat.

“(Y/N),” He looked at you. “That was beyond perfect. I felt every emotion you experienced as Olivia.”

He quickly strutted off the stage and resigned to his seat. He asked if you could perform one of the songs that Olivia sings towards the end, to which you obliged. Tom was completely infatuated with you. He was astonished by your abilities and by the time the audition was over, he had given you a standing ovation along with the other members of the company.

“Perfect, (Y/N). I’ll have a decision made today. Please, stick around.”

And as you smiled and graciously thanked him, you exited behind the curtain, only to have the blonde woman approach you with fury-filled eyes.

“I cannot believe you did that!” She cried. “You’ll never see the day Tom Hiddleston casts you at Olivia. Suck up.” She snarled, walking past, ensuring to hit your shoulder yet again. You grumbled, shaking your head as you took your seat.

After an hour, you were all called to the stage. Tom was in charge of announcing the casting and he stood in front of everyone, but his eyes lingered on you, a smile spreading across his face.

He announced the smaller roles first, the extras, ensemble, and others. The lead was between you, the blonde, and two other women, while there were no men present for when he called the name for Henry.

“For the role of Olivia Jones,” He looked at all four of you intently. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N), I have chosen you.” Your eyes widened, tears brimming at the corners of your eyes. You wanted to scream and you could feel the blonde stare at you with a death glare. “Ladies, I apologize you didn’t receive a role. You all did exceptionally well. I thank you for your time.” Tom smiled at each of them.

“As for the role of Henry,” He laughed. “That was a surprise for today. I have cast myself for Henry.”

You wanted to scream even louder. You would be working with Tom Hiddleston for the entirety of this production, kiss him again, perform alongside him? It was your dream come true.

As everyone began to exit the building, you heard that familiar accent call your name.

“(Y/N), wait up!” Tom ran towards you. You smiled and gazed up at him.

“Tom,” You grinned. “Thank you so much. I cannot believe this.” You laughed.

Tom smiled at you.

“Love, you fit the role perfectly. I cannot wait to see what you do… but I also wanted to know,” He put his hands into his pockets and shifted his feet. “Would you want to possibly grab dinner with me… tonight?”

Your mouth fell open and you hurried to close it.

“As in a-” - Tom chuckled, nodding.

“A date, yes.”

You quickly smiled at him.

pairing : harry potter x reader

summary : when harry learns you’ve gone missing, he hits rock bottom. no one can reach out to him until a peculiar letter ends up in his possession. 

warnings : ANGST (happy ending???), swearing, post-war, alcohol/implied alcohol abuse, violence (against inanimate objects), missing person/presumed dead, mentions of food

word count : 1.3k

author’s note : hi!! this is my very first fic posted on tumblr, so i hope you enjoy. i’m actually really proud of this one, as it was inspired by my favorite song “play this when i’m gone” by machine gun kelly. also, thank you for the support on my masterlist! it means the literal world. also my favorite writers followed me and i am freaking out. sorry for the this long note,,, i tend to ramble. enjoy!

( disclaimer : gif is not mine! )

It had been months since the war had ended. While the wizarding world was still healing, the future for it had become hopeful. The threat of war had hung over the heads of the community, so once it had been taken away, everything was reborn. Bustling crowds and children’s laughter had filled Diagon Alley once more; the boarded up shops had now opened up, gleaming with pride. Many felt grateful for this new age.

warnings: f l u f f, also super short.

Oh, Ms Believer,

My pretty sleeper

His soft eyes watched as you slept, your chest rising and falling steadily. He felt calm at this moment, he wasn’t normally a calm person. His life was crazy, full of yelling and cursing. But that might have just only been him.

He reached over and ran his hand across your back, you shifting slightly and letting out a mumbled noise. You had curled closer to him, your arm shifting to rest over his lap as he was sat up, his back pressed against the dark wood headboard. A small smile had crept up onto his face. It was a smile that was rarely shown, only to you and perhaps a few others in the past.

Leaning down he pressed kisses against your cheek, trailing down your neck and onto your shoulders. The movement had caused you to wake up, once realizing what he was doing a small, sleepy laugh had slipped past your lips. reaching your hands up and tousling his dark hair. the action had caused his smile to widen, a deep chuckle coming from him. your eyes stared up into his, his hand coming and resting on your cheek, his thumb gently caressing your soft skin. no words were shared, nothing needed to be said at this moment.

Please enjoy these headcanons!

Personally, I think that Pale is way more interested in learning about Hanukkah than he is about wanting to teach you about celebrating Christmas. 

Christmas is like, inescapable, you already know all the traditions. 

Plus, Christmas is something he associates with his awful wife and ungrateful kids, you know? But Hanukkah is entirely new to him, and he’s eager to form new memories and traditions that he doesn’t share with anyone else. 

So he asks a million questions – what do we eat? What do we wear? What do we do? And you tell him, answer everything he wants to know, to the best of your ability anyway. 

He’s excited to cook dinner with you, he’s never made anything like it before, and it’s been a very long time since he didn’t know what he was doing. It’s incredibly endearing how much he wants to try, to learn, even if it is in that overly-stubborn-and-extremely-grouchy way of his. 

He doesn’t get the concept of 8 small gifts, and buys you 8 ridiculously expensive gifts that leave you blushing because they’re all sentimental somehow. And when you give him gifts in return, he’s more grateful than he ever would be at Christmas, because he knows you thought long and hard about what to get him, unlike his family who doesn’t even do so much as sign a hallmark card. 

He becomes obsessed with latkes, much to your amusement, and eats way too many of them; kisses gelt off your lips after losing at dreidel three times in a row (”are you fuckin’ sure these thing’s ain’t loaded? You ain’t cheatin’ or nothing? Shit.”).