Pipillotl

Please please please, hear me out:

🍼Every time I try to talk, shush me. Grown ups get to talk, not babies. Gently put my paci back in my mouth and smirk at me.

🍼Always treat me the same way no matter who’s around. Babies don’t get any dignity, so why should I?? Your friends, my old “big” friends, your family, it doesn’t matter. Let the grown ups do the thinking.

🍼Hold my hand everywhere we go so I don’t get lost, and hold it so tight it hurts when I try to let go. Embarrass me and scold me in public, make it clear to everyone that I’m not an adult worth respecting.

🍼Check my diaper no matter where we are. Out at a restaurant? Pants down around my ankles anyway, grown ups need to check thoroughly after all. We have friends over at our house? I shouldn’t be wearing pants at home anyway, no cover at all for my diaper. Mommy/daddies precious little one isn’t allowed to hide their pissy pampers, no matter who’s over. No dignity.

🍼Refuse to leave me alone in the house. 26 years old? No, I’m 26 months old you assure me, I can’t be trusted alone. You’ll hire a babysitter to watch me, and they’re to be treated with the exact same respect I would treat any other grown up. Who cares if they’re “younger” than me? Babies who aren’t potty trained don’t get to complain about who’s in charge.

🍼Set firm rules, and when I break them, punish me. Follow through, all the time, always. I want you to put so much fear in me that I’m conditioned not to break your rules. Make me sleep outside like a dog. Rip my pampers down and spank me so hard I cry. Slap me and laugh at how weak I am and how I can’t fight back.

🍼My phone?? Nope. That’s for grown ups. I can have a “pretend” phone instead (it’s just a bright piece of plastic with fake buttons) who was I gonna talk to anyway?? I can’t even spell, I’m just a stupid toddler.

🍼Schedule play dates for me with other Little’s. Humiliate me in front of them, and encourage them and their caregiver to laugh along with you about how pathetic I am. “Oh sweetieee, did you piss your pants again?? God, I can smell you from here EW” orrr “sit down little ones it’s time to eat! Yep, you can have a slice of pizza honey absolutely! Not my little one though, get into your high chair so I can give you your nummy nummy baby foods!”

“I’m dating a baby!”

1. I’m glad you’re home from work sweetie, why don’t you tell me about your day while I put you in your diapers.

2. Come over here little one, I thought I smelled something stinky and I need to check if it was your diaper!

3. Is your diaper squishy baby? It looks like you’ve already had an accident.

4. Behave baby, there’s only 2 ways that diaper is coming off: when mommy/daddy needs to change you, and when they need to spank you.

5. Let me check your diaper honey, I need to make sure I put enough powder on you so you don’t get a rash today.

6. I think this store has a family restroom, let’s go inside and do a quick diaper check to see if you’re going to leak prince/princess.

7. You can’t sit on the couch baby, sit on daddy/mommy’s lap. Your diaper has more than enough padding to keep you comfy.

8. I hope your hungry baby, because you’re not getting out of that diaper until you make stinkies for me.

9. Bend over baby, I need to check the leg cuffs of your diaper, otherwise you’re going to leak with how much pee pee you make!

10. I think you’re just too little for pull-ups baby, let’s try again later. For now, let mommy/daddy put your diaper on and we can forget about the potty for a while.

11. Uh-oh, I think I smell poopies! Did you make a messy in your diapies baby?

12. Up on the changing table little one, you know the rules, it’s either a padded bum or a paddled bum in this house.

13. Now that’s a thick diaper you’ve got on baby! I guess you’re just going to have to crawl around the house now.

14. Do you want daddy/mommy to hold you while you make a pushie baby? It’s okay, mommy/daddy will help you get comfortable.

15. Of course you need to wear a diaper to the park baby, a little one like you isn’t going to want to stop playing to go to the bathroom!

16. Let’s practice counting by seeing how many diapers we have left before we buy you new ones baby, I think we’re running low!

17. Well, I could put a plug in your bottom if you aren’t going to go poopoo, it’s your choice baby.

18. You’re waddling again prince/princess, mommy/daddy knows that means your diaper is full. Come over and let me check.

19. I’m putting a booster in your diaper baby, and don’t fuss over it, you know you can’t control yourself on long car rides.

20. Sit next to me baby, that way I can check your diaper under the table during dinner.

21. I can’t believe I have to change you in the backseat! You must be just a little baby if you can’t make it through a car ride without a diaper change.

22. I love how these jammies have a flap in the back baby, perfect for checking for stinkies before bedtime!

23. I think I’m gonna put you in the crib for nap time baby, but not before I put a nighttime diaper on you, you’re such a heavy wetter when you sleep.

24. Hold still for your diaper change little one, mommy/daddy needs to put cream on your bottom so you don’t get a rash from your stinkies.

25. Don’t make me tie you down during nap time baby, you know not to try and use the bathroom. Mommy/daddy will change you when they come to wake you up.

26. If you’re such a big girl/boy, why did mommy have to change your diaper when you woke up wet today?

27. Baby, you haven’t made poppies in nearly 2 days, does mommy/daddy need to give you medicine to make it better? Let’s go to the changing table and put a suppository in your bottom little one.

28. I think it’s time to go honey, you always get fussy right before you have an accident in your diapers.

29. It doesn’t matter that you don’t want to wear diapers baby, I want you to wear them and what mommy/daddy says goes.

30. Don’t hide from me baby, I can smell that stinky bum all the way from here!

31. Did you just leak through your diaper into your pants? Okay, come over my lap baby, you’re getting a spanking for not telling me you were already wet.

32. Now that your home let’s lock up all your big boy/girl clothes, I think you need baby time for this whole weekend. Changing table, now.

33. Look at how cute this onesie is baby! It’s for crotch snaps so mommy/daddy can clean up your messy bottom, and it would go great with your pink diapers!

34. Don’t pretend like you don’t like your diapers baby, mommy/daddy sees how excited you get down there when they change you.

35. It’s been almost 2 hours since I changed you baby, are you sure you aren’t wet yet? I think we need to do a diaper check.

36. Cry all you want baby, maybe that’ll make you feel better for having an accident in your panties yesterday. It’s diaper time for you from here on out.

37. Hush baby, daddy/mommy will change you when you fully use your diaper. One wetting doesn’t cut it when they’re that thick.

38. I love it when you wet your diapers baby, it’s so fun to squeeze and squish your soggy bottom!

39. That’s your third cup of juice today baby, you must really like wetting your diapers since you’re definitely not using the potty today.

40. Don’t touch your diaper baby, if you need something come to mommy/daddy first, they know how it needs to fit best.

41. I’ll check on you during the night to make sure you don’t leak baby, so don’t be afraid to have an accident while you sleep.

42. It’s too bad you can’t touch yourself like mommy/daddy, you’ll just have to rub the front of your diaper if you want to cum.

43. I love the way these tights fit you baby, they really show off the diaper you’re wearing!

44. Don’t move a muscle baby, I can smell that poppy diaper from a mile away! Let’s get you changed in the nursery right now.

45. Don’t you love your diapers baby? They’re so soft and thick, perfect for mommy/daddy to pat your bottom over.

46. You’re not leaving that bouncer until you wet your diaper baby, end of story.

47. Oops, I think I put too much baby powder on you little one, I can’t wait to see it poof out the back of your diaper when you sit down!

48. Shhhhhh it’s okay prince/princess, daddy/mommy knows you can’t control yourself, that’s why you had your diaper on. Come on, let’s check and see the damage.

49. Rise and shine baby, let’s get you on the changing table right now, mommy/daddy knows that you can’t wake up dry.

50. Mommy/daddy loves you little one, diapered bottom and all!

"Hey, I think your... um... thing... is sticking out of the back of your jeans. Figured I should tell you..."

"Aww... don't worry, I get it. I kind of figured things were going in that direction."

"I guess I had a feeling something was up. You haven't exactly been going to the bathroom as much as you used to..."

"I bet it's gonna save a lot on laundry—one less thing to wash every day, ya know? I'm sure you were going through a lot of loads."

"No, it looks totally fine now! And hey, everyone’s into big butts these days, right?"

"Honestly, nobody would have even noticed! I just caught on because I spend so much time with you."

"Hey, no more dealing with those gross bathrooms in public, right? That's honestly a major plus."

"Crinkling? Oh no, not at all! I hardly even notice it."

"I promise, we won't tell anyone. Wouldn't even dream of talking about your little secret."

"You’re acting so mature about the whole thing, really. It’s cute that you're really trying."

"And hey, you get that special bathroom pass now, right? I bet that gets you out of so much boring stuff!"

"I guess that makes you the most prepared person in our friend group! Always protected, you know."

"Hey, do you want a break from carrying your diaper b— uh, I mean, your backpack? I can hold it for you if you want."

"You know, I think you might’ve cracked the code! No wonder that babies and toddlers are so relaxed."

"Think of all the times you’ll get to skip out on those gross porta-potties at festivals! What I'd give not to have to use those."

"Well, I'll bet this is way easier than before, back when you were in pull-ups. You were having a lot of leaks..."

"Hey, I’m heading to the restroom. Wanna come? You need to... you know... take care of anything?"

"Do you need me to go get your boyfriend? I know he helps out with you sometimes."

"Aww, I think it’s great that you have someone like him to help you out. Not many guys would be that dedicated."

"Don't worry, I'll still be here when he's done helping you."

"He’s such a sweetheart... so on top of it. Honestly, I think he’s more attentive than even most parents are."

"Hey, want me to check your shirt before we go? Just wanna make sure everything’s nice and tucked in."

"Yep, you’re good! I’ll let you know if I see it riding up again. Gotta keep an eye out for you!"

"Aw, no, I actually think it’s sweet! I always loved the smell of baby powder."

"You shouldn't feel embarrassed around us tonight at all. We all know."

"Maybe you’ll get to see the whole movie this time! You always used to miss, like, half of it, remember?"

"Oh, he just texted to check if you need a change before we sit down. So thoughtful, right?"

"Look at that massive bathroom line... lucky you, you don’t have to worry about that anymore!"

"Hey– do you want me to remind you to, er... change? While we're out? I just wasn't sure if you can feel it or not."

"Well, just let me know. I've still got your backpack."

"Wow, just think of all the drinks you can have without stressing about it like you used to! That's like, perfect for you."

"You look so sweet when you're all comfy like that. I can't remember the last time I saw you so relaxed."

"Hey, nobody makes a big deal about it with babies, why should we make a big deal about it with you?"

“I’m dating a baby!”