One Whole Rotisserie Dumbass

imagine being able to listen to carry on my wayward son, objectively a fucking banger of a song, without inflicting psychic damage on yourself 

adhd is the disorder where the “don’t want to get in the shower and don’t want to get out of the shower” feeling applies to every single thing you do at all times

Tony Hawk is like fucking Perry the Platypus because if I saw him without a skateboard I'd be like "A man" and the second he picks up a skateboard I'd be like "TONY HAWK?!?!?!?!?!"

This basically sums up all his tweets

holy fuck……

At the top of the chart is the line going off the graph with the caption “rules don’t apply to grandma” under it.

you know when you’re eating a sandwich and you go to take a bite and like a huge chunk of your favorite part just slips out (like say your eating a blt and you accidentally pull out a whole piece of bacon) and you’re torn because on the one hand that bite is going to be the best bite ever but on the other hand the rest of your sandwich just lost a valuable team player 3 minutes into the game and no one’s sure how it’s going to be able to cover that loss.

who knew my most popular text post of the year would be about eating a sandwich