STICKY
Robyn was baking up a storm, the way she usually does on the last day of every month. It was supposed to be a relaxing day, but unfortunately for her, Stack was here. She loved Stack- he was her best friend. Their childhood consisted of Stack cleaning up her scraped knees after falling in clearings in the woods behind their houses. Stack and Smoke had become her protectors, her guardians, after moving from Chicago as a shy, introverted child to Mississippi after the untimely death of her mother. Through the twins, she had acquired even more protectors.
Annie, with her calm, still spirit. Mary, with her liveliness and bravery. Grace, with her deep knowledge of how to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. And yet no matter how close she had gotten to this group of girls, Stack unequivocally laid claim to Robyn. It baffled Robyn. Throughout their childhood and adolescence, she had often asked him why he was protective of her. He always shrugged, threw her an irrepressible grin and simply said ‘because y has a long tail, and z has none. Stop asking me stupid questions.’ This usually led to a playful verbal argument, with the people around them playfully tuning them out. It’s not like Robyn could blame them, she and Stack chattered at each other at a million miles an hour, the shy, repressed girl that she once was? Long gone.
But that still didn’t explain why Stack was in her kitchen poking his nose into every fucking thing instead of staying out of her way. When Stack poked her melted butter that she needed for her pound cake, she decided that she had enough. ‘Stack, get your ass out of my kitchen!’ Robyn fussed, moving from the stove to the countertop. Stack ignored her, his massive frame swirling around her kitchen like an annoying gnat. ‘Damn, girl I’m not even doing anything!’ Stack exclaims unapologetically. Robyn rolls her eyes. ‘You in here not being helpful. If you’re not being helpful- get out! Why are you even here anyway?’ Robyn questions. At that, Stack’s playful grin slides off his face.
FLASHBACK
‘I don’t wanna do this anymore, Stack’ Brittany said quietly, looking up at the man she loved, but did not love her back no matter the pretty platitudes that came falling from his lips. Stack rubbed his head agitatedly. ‘What do you mean? The fuck you mean you don’t wanna do this? I love-’ Brittany raises a hand, unable to bear the lies anymore. She had stomach-ed so much deceit. Swallowed so many lies, all to keep Elias by her side. But no matter how many hours, days, weeks or months his body lay in her bed, his heart was never with Brittany. It was with her. With Robyn.
The first time Stack introduced Robyn to her, a cold shiver went up her spine. Not because she was a woman, not because she was beautiful. But because of the way Stack looked at her, like all the answers of the universe resided in her eyes, the sway of her hips, the music of her laugh. Stack had never looked at her that way. Not once. It was hard not to compare herself to Robyn. On the surface, it didn’t make sense. Brittany was model thin, ‘damn near white’ (a term she hated. Especially when it was applied to her) and petite. Brittany was tall, smoothly dark skinned , and voluptuous. She had long kinky hair, dyed a rich chestnut brown, deep dimples that made an appearance whenever she so much as opened her mouth. Brittany favored almost all of Stack’s ex-girlfriends she had come to learn- light skin, light eyes and a size six.
But Brittany and Robyn had similar careers. While Robyn was a pediatrician, Brittany was a child psychiatrist. Both of them were deeply intelligent, empathetic women who could more than hold their own with anyone- especially Stack. But only one of them had his heart, and Robyn didn’t even fucking know it. Brittany wanted to hate Robyn, wanted to belittle her. Wanted to make Robyn feel as small in her world as Brittany felt in Robyn’s. But Brittany couldn’t bring herself to do it. Robyn was too kind, too preoccupied with her own life, too unconcerned with the inner turmoil that Brittany was facing. Robyn couldn’t help it that she was a force of nature Stack was caught up in. Brittany thought she could bear it, but last week was the last straw.
It was her and Stack’s two year anniversary. Dressed in a pewter jersey Donna Karan dress, they had made reservations at the restaurant of their first date. The food was actually terrible, but the attraction had been immediate. Brittany sat at the table, staring at the chair where her partner should be, humiliation mounting by the moment. A waiter had come to ask about her order. Brittany dismissed them with a wave of her bejeweled hand before heading home. After two hours of rejection. Two hours of embarrassment.
It was late when Stack finally came back home, each step heavy with apology. He had curved his body around hers in supplication, pressing kisses and apologies into her neck, her spin, her jaw. Each one felt like a poisoned dart, because she knew where he was. Who he had been with. She slipped out of the bed, heading to the bathroom where she laid on the tiled floor and cried herself to sleep as quietly as she could. And as the weak light of the sun brought a new day, she knew she couldn’t do this anymore. She could no longer fight a war she had lost before she even stepped on the battlefield. When the day had started, Stack pleaded his case, and had promised never to reoffend. Explained to her that Robyn had lost a patient to heart failure, that it had crushed Robyn. He had only meant to stay a few hours, but he couldn’t leave her there. Not like that. Brittany had simply nodded, swallowed the rejection, accepted the second place she occupied in his heart. She did it. She did it one more time, because she knew even if he didn’t- she would never accept it again. That night, they made love, and it was more beautiful than it had ever been. She shook and cried, from pleasure, yes- but also in mourning. In knowing that she would never hold him like this, touch him like this ever again…..
‘You don’t love me, Stack! Stop lying to me. Stop lying to yourself! You love her!’ Brittany spit out in rage. ‘Who the fuck are you talking about?’ Stack stares at Brittany, perplexed, but Brittany knows Stack well enough. She sees the flicker of recognition in his eyes, before he hides it under faux confusion. ‘You know exactly who I’m talking about. So don’t make me say it. Have I not humiliated myself enough for you? Begging for scraps? Settling for half of you?’ Brittany hated this. She could feel her eyes burning and her throat aching. But none of that pain compared to the ache that was in her heart. She could stop. She should stop. But she wanted the satisfaction of hearing him say it. It was the least of what she deserved. She gave Elias everything, she wanted to leave with something.‘If this is about Robyn-’ Stack started. ‘Of course it is! It’s always about Robyn.’ Stack closes his eyes like he can’t believe this is his life. ‘Brit, I told you that-’ Brittany lets out a sharp, pained laugh. ‘Oh, I know what you told me. And you just had to come to her rescue, huh?’ ‘For fuck’s sake Brittany. You jealous of a dead kid now?’ Stack roars.
If Stack stabbed Brittany right in the heart it would have hurt less. Brittany was silent for a moment, looking at her Louis Vuitton cases that Stack had bought her, lined up against the wall of their open floor apartment. Her cousin was already outside, waiting for her. She turned back to look at Stack, still defensive, still lying to himself. She wiped the tears streaming down her beautiful face and said the last words she would ever say to the man she loved most in this world ‘Fuck you, Elias.’
PRESENT DAY
‘Brittany and I broke up.’ Stack says gruffly. Robyn’s mouth opens in shock. ‘What? Why?’ Stack just shrugs, ‘We grew apart. It happens.’ Robyn wipes her delicate hands on her apron. ‘Nah, something more serious had to have happened. Y’all were gonna get married’. ‘I missed our anniversary’. Robyn sighs. ‘Stack, are you serious?’ Stack bristles at Brittany’s disappointment. ‘Don’t start all that shit, I was over here because you called me right after Reuben died, remember?’ Robyn blows out a breath. ‘Yeah, but you could have told me that it was you and Brittany’s anniversary. I would have never told you to come over here if I knew that.’
Stack raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh yeah, and who would you have called?’ Robyn threw her hands up in exasperation. ‘Anyone! Mary is right round the corner.’ Stack shrugged. ‘I’m your best friend.’ Stack replied. Robyn’s eyes softened. ‘Of course you are, but you’re not my only friend. You know that.’ Stack tightened his jaw. ‘I really liked Brittany. Damn.’ Stack drummed his fingers on the kitchen countertop. ‘So did I. When is this pound cake going to be done anyway?’ Robyn rolled her eyes. ‘It’s not for you, so you don’t need to worry about that.’ ‘Oh yeah? And who’s it for?’ Stack pressed.
Robyn started working on the lemon glaze of the pound cake. ‘It’s for my date! Remember Craig? I told you about him.’ Something in Stack’s chest tightened. He remembered Craig. How could he forget Craig?
FLASHBACK
Craig had been infatuated with Robyn from the moment he saw her. She had been walking across the quad to the female dorms of Ole Miss, wearing a pink sweater and matching pink capris. She was practically glowing, her skin a rich mahogany, her senegalese twists piled haphazardly on top of her head. Craig had always been a go-getter, and so he immediately ran across the quad, his long legs eating up the distance, and introduced himself to her. They spent the entirety of college studying together. But as much as he wanted Robyn for himself, there was a problem.
Stack.
Stack didn’t even attend Ole Miss- he was in Alcorn State. And yet he was always around Ole Miss. Always around Robyn. Stack was like the sun- people simply gravitated towards him. It wasn’t just how good looking he was, it was how he would make people feel. Women fell at his feet. Niggas wanted to be him. But not Craig. If Stack was the sun, Craig was the moon. Mysterious, alluring, and with a beauty and a power all of his own. He didn’t need to compete with Stack. For anything. Stack knew this- and hated it. Things came to a head at a halloween party of their third and final year of college.
Drinks had been flowing and Stack had been flirting outrageously with a pretty co-ed. Craig swanned past, determined to ignore the man. But Stack was not a man who would ever accept being ignored. Especially not by Craig. He abandons his side quest to saddle up to Craig. ‘Didn’t expect to see you here, Don’t you have some books to stick your nose in?’ Stack snidely says to Craig. Craig rolls his eyes. ‘You know, I actually do. Lemme head back to the library. Robyn’s there. You know these types of things aren’t really her…vibe’. And before Stack could respond, Craig left, triumphant.
PRESENT DAY
Stack sat there in the kitchen, pound cake cooling, while Robyn got ready. For her date. With someone else. He could hear her humming tunelessly, could hear the jingling of her makeup. Inside Stack’s chest, a storm was brewing. He knew his anger wasn’t just because it was Craig. He didn’t give a fuck about Craig. This was simply facing the unshakable facts, of the proverbial rubber hitting the road. He would feel this way about anyone going on a date with Robyn. He has felt that way- and his response was to brush it off, to drink it away, to fuck it away, smoke it away. But he couldn't do that anymore. Not now. Before he could spiral, Robyn glided back into the kitchen. ‘Help me zip up this dress’. And Stack was numb, frozen. Looking at Robyn, more beautiful than ever, half dressed in a short red mini dress, kinky hair placed up into a large puff, gold hoops framing her delicate face.
And he just sat there.
‘Stackkkkk. Hello?’ Robyn asks impatiently. ‘I can’t’ Stack responds quietly. Robyn turns to look at him, cat-like caramel eyes boring into him. ‘Can’t what? Zip up a dress?’ Stack scrubs a hand over his face, shooting up from his chair. ‘This. I can’t do this. I can’t pretend like-’ Stack starts pacing the floor of her living room. ‘Stack, you’re scaring me.’ Robyn responds nervously.
Stack faces Robyn finally, clear eyed and steady. ‘I think you know’ Stack says quietly.
Robyn chews her bottom lip. ‘I really don’t know what you’re talking about, and you’re starting to freak me out.’ Stack stalks back to Robyn holding her face carefully in his huge hands. Robyn’s stomach swoops like she’s on a rollercoaster, and she wrenches herself away from Stack, breathing heavily like she just ran a marathon, half dressed, eyes wild.
‘No’. Robyn responds simply.
‘Robyn’ Stack starts, wrecked, quiet.
‘No, Stack. No. You don’t get to do this to me. You don’t get to decide you want me because you blew up your home. You don’t want me. You just don’t want to be alone.’ Robyn says shakily, forcing the words out of her chest.
Stack stares at her like he’s been slapped. ‘How could you say that? Robyn-’
‘Is it because it’s Craig? Is that it? I knew you hated him, but damn Elias.’
Elias.
Robyn never called him that unless she was trying to put distance between them.
‘It has nothing to do with Craig. You know that’, Stack murmurs, quiet in a way he never was, quiet in a way that feels unnatural. ‘Then what is this about?!’ Robyn shrieks, hysterical now, clutching her dress to her chest like a lifeline. ‘It’s about the fact that I’m in love with you. And you know that’. Robyn just laughs humorlessly. ‘You expect me to believe that? You were about to ask another woman to marry you, Stack. A legal partnership. You were willing to stand before God and man and declare someone else as the other half of you but you expect me to believe you’re in love with me? Do you think I’m fucking stupid? Do you forget that I’ve known you since we were nine years old? That I know the women who’ve warmed your bed?’
‘Stop it’ Stack says lowly.
‘Brianna’
‘Robyn..’ Stack warns again.
‘Aniya’.
‘Robyn, listen to me’.
‘Mary’. Robyn continues.
‘Damn it, Robyn. I said STOP’.
Tears are running down Robyn’s face, makeup ruined. ‘No YOU stop. I know your type, Stack. You want docile. You want compliant. You want easy. You know I’m none of those things. No one is going to walk past me fast on the street and think I’m a white girl. I’m never going to defer to you just because you’re Elias Moore either. You know it and I know it. I will not be the safe place where you lick your wounds and heal your soul and then watch you build a better life with someone else with the tools that I taught you, I gave you. And you do not get to throw our friendship into your confusing miasma, twist it and call it love. After all this time. After all these years.’
Stack’s jaw tightened so much he could probably cut steel with it. ‘Is that what you think? That I’d risk our friendship, our life together…just to lick my wounds and get my dick wet before bouncing to someone else? Is that what you think of me? That I’d do that to you?’ Stack asked, voice breaking.
Robyn’s anger evaporated, seeing the tears in Stack’s eyes.
‘Stack, I’-’
But Stack simply shook his head. ‘Nah. Nah, Robyn.’ Stalking to the coat rack, he grabbed his jacket, hands trembling, putting it on with jerky movements. ‘Enjoy your date’, he said quietly, slamming her door behind him.
And Robyn stood there in her kitchen, shivering, cold and bare.
(Lmk if you want a part two).
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