Dark Academia

dating??? how about we both become each other's habits and understand each other's weaknesses and not use them against each other.

I have been told a gazillion times by a gazillion people on the internet and in real life, to be careful with people, to use my brain with people. How do I explain that I CANNOT??? And above all I DO NOT wish to use my brain to understand people because I want to understand them by my heart. I want to read into their souls and pour into them. Yes it will empty me, eventually and it often does but I'll refill my cup. My brain is meant for literature, complex machines, science, mathematics. If I have to use my brain to know people, I'd rather know none.

I guess my roman empire is how often women ask the men who treat them right whether they are real or fictional. Like how used to mistreatment you have to be to believe a man is not real or is fictional for just treating you right like a human being???

One of my biggest fears is that the last time I see someone I love, I won't hug them tight enough or I won't tell them how much I value them and love them. Losing people is an inevitable part of life and sometimes as a part of the gradual process of growing up. Now I might forget that all but I rarely forget people in my life. And in those moments in my whistling solitude I'll think of them and I'll think abt the day I last saw them and I didn't hug them tight enough. Just come back to my arms for one last hug and we'll part ways again for all the differences. Like agree to disagree for a hug?

Everytime I tell someone that I don't think I can do xyz, their response is "yes you can do it" but what if I can't. What if I fail?? Because all my life i've learnt is no one loves a failure. No one loves you for failing to do things. Everyone wants and expects you to just never make mistakes.

are you a "mad woman" fan or are you completely free from the burden of being condescendingly treated whenever you are angry because you are a woman and no one likes a mad woman and which in turn makes your anger issues worse.

I really want someone to ask what my favourite things are and then I want them to ask me the why and then I want them to listen to me eagerly instead of making me look dumb. And then I want to do the same for them. Is it too much to ask?

I watched One Day and the part where after Emma's Death, Dexter's dad tells him to live his life as if she were still there and Dexter finds it hard to believe that it's even possible and to which his dad replies "What do you think I've been doing for the past 10 years?" This part lives in my head. I was so caught up in Dexter's mom being Dexter's mom that I forgot someone lost the love of their life too. Someone who was used to spending hours of their day being beside her or sleeping next to her, had to sleep with her place empty for the rest of his life and with no chance of seeing her in this life.