DIRT

money beyond ypur wildist dreams

one hundred and seventy dollars

Not to be incredibly vulgar and nasty or anything, but I’d like to close my eyes and rest my head in somebody’s lap while they run their fingers through my hair

“twink death to dilf birth” sometimes a guy is never a twink. sometimes he’s just an ugly scrawny little thing that suddenly bursts into beauty upon hitting 40. that is okay too.

he has aged from grape juice into fine champagne

spider. you know what i meant

well i guessprobably not

bro, does this party have perfectly ripe summer heirloom tomatoes or do we need to pregame?

I’m a glass half full kinda guy cause then I have more water that way

did you try jerking it off and back on again

Op I love you for this

What angle is your bad angle?

ah shit I just got Infomercialed

I opened a kitchen cabinet and there was a big open bag of spaghetti inside, and a waterfall of spaghetti gushed out, continuing for a comedically long period of time while I, for some reason, desperately tried to catch individual noodles instead of blocking the bag so more didn't come out.

has this ever happened to you? there's gotta be a better way! [picture suddenly changes from black & white to full colour] introducing the spaghetti dam