pandora

Everyone seemed to notice it, and that was the embarrassing part. It wasn’t the feelings, or the amount of time they’d lingered. Not the years of secret pining for each other. It was the fact that everyone caught on before either of them said anything. 

Y/N had just left the Chateau, saying something about how her mother needed her at home. She left the other Pogues behind in the hot tub (the “Cat’s Ass” as JJ insists to call it) as the bonfire died down. 

“Just ask her out, already.” Pope blurted, causing JJ to choke on his beer. He’d watched Y/N leave, thinking none of them noticed, and then he immediately texted her. Probably something along the lines of text me when you get home, be safe. 

“Seriously.” John B echoed in agreement. 

“It’s been three years, dude.” Pope slapped a hand on JJ’s shoulder.

“C’mon, guys,” JJ scoffed in disbelief. “I don’t think of her like that. And, even if I did it’s against the rules! No Pogue-on-Pogue macking! That’s my rule!” All of the Pogues could see right through JJ’s words, but they knew he was the most stubborn person they’d ever known and wouldn’t back down, so they let it go. For now. 

But JJ didn’t forget it. He lay awake in John B’s spare room thinking about their words, which led to him thinking about the past years. 

Y/N and JJ met three years ago, when they were 13. JJ was sitting outside the principal’s office after yet another fight. He held an ice pack on his split lip, his golden hair a mess on top of his head. Y/N ended up there too, but for a completely different reason. She’d gotten caught stealing food during lunch, then skipping class to give it to a stray cat that she’d seen behind the school. They watched each other get lectured by the principal, then wait patiently for their guardian. 

“So, you’re a criminal too?” He’d asked. 

“Feeding a cat isn’t a crime.” She rolled her eyes as she slumped onto the bench next to him. They didn’t say anything, but she offered him half of her stolen sandwich. And he never forgot it. 

Since then, they’d been inseparable. JJ introduced her to John B, Pope, Kie, and eventually Sarah. The next three years were spent on adventures, parties at the Boneyard, and sleepovers. And somewhere, in the midst of all of that, something else blossomed between Y/N and JJ. The glances that lingered a little too long, the touches that definitely shouldn’t have happened. Years of unfinished sentences, of wanting, of wondering. Neither of them wanted to admit to themselves, much less to each other, so they buried their feelings deep down under everything and ignored them. 

But Y/N was finding it increasingly difficult to ignore these feelings and it was all JJ’s fault. It was so easy to fall in love with him. He was the kindest soul that Y/N had ever met. He also was the touchiest. If they were seated next to each other, their legs were touching and he didn’t back away. His arm constantly slung over her shoulder. He would hook his fingers through the belt loops on her jeans so he wouldn’t lose her in a crowd. She also noticed that he didn’t do those things with Kie or Sarah or any of the other girls he’d talk to. 

On the other side, JJ also found Y/N easy to fall in love with. Hell, he was pretty sure he’d been in love with her from the moment they’d met in that principal’s office. And, while he was very much aware of the things he did, he wasn’t alone in them. Y/N also never moved her leg away. When they were walking, nine times out of ten she would wrap her arm around his and hold on to his bicep. She would fix his hair and steal his hoodies and t-shirts. 

The first time that JJ tried to confess was Fourth of July. There was a big party at the Boneyard and both of them had quite a bit to drink by the end of it. At the end, it was just Y/N, JJ, and the waves. They sat down on the biggest log on the sand, legs dangling. The moon was at its peak and the light was reflecting on the waves. Every once and a while, a dolphin’s fin would pop out. JJ pulled a joint and a lighter out of his pocket, offering them to Y/N. One notable thing about JJ was, when he was sparking up, JJ was always the one to light the joint. Never anyone else. Except Y/N. If it was just the two of them, he insisted on her getting to light. And the reason? The way the fire from the lighter lit up Y/N’s face with a bright, golden light. The way she inhaled around the joint. Even the way she exhaled the smoke did something to JJ. Something he tried to ignore. One time, he’d gotten a photo of her during this moment and secretly kept it in his wallet. If anyone saw it, he was prepared to play it off as “we’re just friends”. 

The two of them relished in the peace of the beach and the aroma of weed. They talked about so much and so little and everything in between. Y/N insisted she didn’t need a jacket before the party, but now that the sun was down and the body heat from the other partygoers was gone, she was freezing. JJ noticed, of course. 

“Here,” he took the hoodie he was wearing off and handed it to her. It was her favorite one of his, one she’d stolen many times before. Once she’d pulled it over her head, JJ couldn’t help but stare at her. The weed had made her eyelids heavier and her eyes were a little glossed over. There was a constant smile on her face as she basked in the night. He loved the way his hoodie looked on her. The way the moonlight shone on her face. 

“JJ?” she stopped whatever she was in the middle of talking about. 

“Hm?” he hummed in response. 

“You okay?” 

It was on the tip of his tongue. I love you. I love you. All he had to do was say it. I’m in love with you. Y/N’s eyes scanned his face. Her eyes were shining with the moonlight. She was beautiful. Maybe it was the weed and beer, but JJ swore she’d never been more beautiful. 

But he couldn’t tell her. He just couldn’t. 

“Yeah.” 

Y/N smiled wider. “Okay,” then, she rested her head on his shoulder. 

When the two of them returned to the Chateau, JJ spent the night staring at the ceiling and thinking. What would’ve happened? What would she have said? But, it was such a big revelation that could ruin their friendship, so JJ decided that he’d rather live with the uncertainty than live without Y/N. 

The first time that Y/N almost confessed was six months later. The two of them decided to have a beach day. Just them. The weather was perfect. The sun was out, the UV was eight, and there was a slight breeze. The perfect day. Y/N was sitting on a towel reading a book while JJ surfed. 

“Y/N! Look at this wave!” JJ pointed to a huge and perfect wave coming up. Before Y/N could react, JJ was paddling out. She stood up and walked closer to the water to watch him catch it. It was flawless and JJ was on an adrenaline high when he came back to the sand. 

“Holy shit! Y/N/N, did you see that?!” He shouted as he walked out of the water, tossing his board on the sand and running over to Y/N. He wrapped her in a hug, his arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around his neck and spun her around. 

“That was perfect, JJ!” She exclaimed as he put her down. Despite not being caught in a hug anymore, their arms didn’t move. They stayed there for a minute and Y/N studied JJ’s face. She could see all of the freckles that covered his face, his blue eyes were especially bright in the sunlight, a wide smile covered his face. JJ’s wet hair dangled in his face and she brushed it away. She could’ve said it right then and there. I love you. I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you this whole time. 

But, JJ’s had bad luck in the past with relationships and she didn’t want her confession of having been in love with him for three years to make it seem like their friendship wasn’t real. Because it was the most real thing in the world to her. 

“You did so good, J!” Y/N slid her hands from around his neck to around his arms, trying to move away so she didn’t say something she’d regret. 

It continued like this for a while. Every time one of them got close to confessing, they chickened out. And it started to weigh on them. To the point where Y/N told Kiara, which was a huge deal for her. Not only has she never told anyone who she is crushing on at the moment, but especially not that she likes JJ Maybank. 

“Okay, what did you want to talk about?” Kiara sat down on Y/N’s bed, setting her drink on the nightstand. 

“Um, well,” Y/N looked away from Kiara as she tried to formulate her words. “It’s about…JJ” Better to get straight to the point than anything. 

“Oh?” Kiara sat up straight at Y/N’s words. She pretty much already knew, but getting a real confession was exciting. 

“I guess…I guess I’ve sort of been in love with him..for a while.” 

“Finally!” Kiara exclaimed. 

“What?”

“Come on, Y/N. Seriously? It’s so obvious.” 

“Oh my god,” she buried her head in her hands in embarrassment. “Is it that obvious?” 

“It is, babe. It is.” The two girls laughed at Kiara’s words. 

“God,” Y/N sighed in exasperation. “What do I do about this? I mean, no Pogue-on-Pogue macking, so…” 

“I promise you, Y/N/N, no one will care. We all see how much you like him, and he likes you back. Tell him.” 

The day the confession finally came, neither of them had planned it. What they had planned, however, was a night at the Boneyard with the Pogues. They’d lit a bonfire, made hotdogs and s’mores. Each of them had a few drinks and a little to smoke. There was a late night walk along the water, a little bit of drunken karaoke, and an impromptu midnight swim. It was a perfect, chilly night with the friends that made Y/N’s life worth living. Eventually, the others had slowly wandered off, leaving JJ and Y/N alone. 

Neither of them noticed immediately, both of them lost in their own world as they watched the stars. They laid on their backs in the sand, a second joint being passed between them. Every once and a while, Y/N would point out a constellation or a shooting star. Their hands were next to each other on the sand and were slowly inching closer, without either of them noticing. Eventually, JJ wrapped his pinky around Y/N’s. It was simple. Grounding. Neither of them pulled away. In fact, Y/N intertwined their hands. Fully. They didn’t look at each other yet. Y/N’s heart was racing even faster now. She was going to say it. Now or never. 

“JJ?” 

“Yeah?”

“There’s…there’s something I want to tell you.” She sat up, legs crossed, and JJ followed suit. Their hands were still intertwined, Y/N messing with JJ’s fingers and rings. “Uhmm..” She bit her lip, trying to find the words to say. “I think I’m in love with you.” She didn’t look at JJ, keeping her eyes trained on his fingers. 

“Y/N-”

“I think I’ve been in love with you for a while.” She finally met his gaze, her eyes teary. Partially from fear, from embarrassment, and maybe a little bit of hope. 

JJ felt like his brain had short circuited. The girl that he’d been in love with for three years just told him she’d been in love with him for a while. But, suddenly, everything made sense. The lingering glances. The touches that lasted too long. All of the nights at the Boneyard, or at the dock, or out on the HMS Pogue when it was just them. Maybe he knew the whole time, but now she was telling him. 

JJ couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. His hand reached up to Y/N’s face, cupping her cheek and wiping away a stray tear that’d fallen. 

“Why are you crying?” He asked, still smiling.

Y/N scoffed, “Wh-why? I just…I’m scared. I mean, I just told my best friend that I’ve been in love with him for years so of course I’m going to be scared, J.” 

“You don’t have to be, Y/N/N,” his other hand laid on her knee, his thumb rubbing circles on her skin, “I’ve been in love with you from the moment you shared that sandwich with me in the principal’s office.” 

“Really?” Y/N’s voice cracked and a smile now graced her face. 

“Really.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Same reason you didn’t. What we have is so special and I really didn’t want to lose it.”

“JJ, even if I didn’t feel the same way, I couldn’t imagine living a life without you.” 

“Well, you don’t have to.” The two of them just smiled at each other. Y/N kissed JJ’s palm, holding it to her cheek. JJ moved his hand from her knee to her waist, his thumb still drawing circles on the skin. “Can I kiss you?” he whispered, his breath fanning her face. She could smell the saltwater on his hair and the weed on his breath. 

“Please do.” Y/N sighed like a woman starved at his words. Words that she’d been waiting to hear for so long. JJ grinned and pulled her in, their lips colliding. It was everything they’d both wanted. The years of waiting, of wanting. It was gentle, but deep and passionate. It said everything that hadn’t been said yet. Y/N smiled against JJ’s lips and giggled slightly. They pulled apart and leaned their foreheads together. 

“What’s so funny?” JJ smiled. 

“Nothing. I’m just happy.” Y/N closed her eyes and kissed JJ again. Smaller and shorter this time. JJ grabbed her waist again, this time with both hands, and pulled her down on her back into the sand in a fit of laughs. His legs settled between hers, his arms holding him up as he peppered her face with kisses. They stayed like that for a while, tangled in the sand under the watchful eye of the moon and stars. Together. Happier than ever after three years of almosts. Of stolen moments. Of loving each other quietly. Now was changed forever into something so different, yet so familiar. It should’ve felt weird, kissing each other’s best friend. Crossing that line.