The depth of my emotions

He changed me when he came into my life.

There are two ways to get over someone: You fall in love with somebody else, or you fall in love with yourself.

1. Write down everything he said that made your heart beat faster. Every word that found a home in your soul and kept you warm on nights when you were too cold to breathe. 2. Take your time. Write as neat as you can. Elegant cursive, bubble letters, calligraphy. Make the penmanship as beautiful as the words it is saying. 3. Read it over and over and over again. Feel the way you felt when he first said it to you. Forget how much it hurts now. 4. Light it on fire in the bathroom sink. As the edges curl and the letters melt, forget it all. It’s not a part of your life anymore and you don’t need to keep it. It’s gone. 5. Now write down everything he said to you that made you blush a deep red. Everything he said to you that made your thighs tremble and your breath shaky. 6. Make the penmanship sloppy, like the way he would’ve kissed you. Write it down quick and messy and don’t worry about how the things you are writing would make a priest impure. Write it all anyway. 7. Read it. Just once. Let yourself imagine what you could’ve been one more time. 8. Then light it on fire too. Forget it too. 9. Now write down what he said to you that hurts. Write down the words he threw at you as he left, write down the excuses he made, write down the words he stabbed into your chest. Write down what he said that made you cry. 10. Make the words harsh and sharp. Scratch it out with a knife onto the page if you have to. 11. Don’t read it again. 12. Light it on fire. Watch it burn. Forget. 13. He wanted to burn you down but don’t let him. Get there first. You’re the one who’s holding the matches.

This is how you get over him/her. At first, you don’t. You sit in your bed crying and wishing you could go back to the good old days. You spend hours analysing where it all went wrong, trying to convince yourself to delete the photos of the two of you but you can’t bring yourself to. Then, eventually, you get tired of crying yourself to sleep and you realise they’re not coming back. You can listen to their favourite song when you’re at a party, you can start talking to other boys. You download and delete tinder at least 20 times. You give up trying to rekindle it. It’s dead. You don’t water flowers after they’ve died, do you?  Slowly but surely, you learn to live without them. You can wear the same outfit you wore on your first date with them on a date with someone else and you feel like you’re going to vomit but you know it’s not because you want them back. You can kiss other people with a passion and let them touch you where he/she did without thinking of them anymore. You finally learn to listen when other people tell you you’re beautiful. Surely enough, you learn to love yourself and everyone else around you, and you learn to love again.