Do you ever see a person you once had the chance to love on the street, or maybe on social media, and just for one minute you remember what it felt like to be held by them and all the promises they made you that didn't matter because they left anyway. And your walls that you spent 7 months building up come crumbling down once again, because you're not over them yet.

At the end of the day, there is literally nothing lonelier than being drunk at 3am, sitting by the toilet because you tried to forget their name & it's freezing cold but there's nobody there to comfort you or warm you up

It started when he shyly kissed me, and held my hand all the way to the car. It started when he played with my hair until I fell asleep. It started when he kissed my head when I had a panic attack, and calmed me down. What are you scared about? He asked. Losing you, I answered. It ended when he 'worked' all day and his 'friends' texted him 'hey babe, when can we hook up again?' It ended when he looked up other girls and told me he'd sleep with them 'any day'. It ended when he shouted at me so hard until I cried because he'd 'had a bad day.' It ended when I didn't want him to touch me, but he did and oh God it didn't matter that I said no. One day, he decided I wasn't even worth that, and he left me without a reason why. And eventually I met a boy with beautiful eyes and a perfect personality. I realised I could fall for other people again. He was a busy guy, and sometimes he didn't reply, and I'd ask: do you not like me anymore? Am I boring you? Have I annoyed you? What did I do wrong? The reply was: You're too paranoid. And that was when I realised that he hadn't taken my ability to fall for anyone else. He'd taken their ability to fall for me.

just a gentle reminder to myself and anyone else who might need it: you don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend to make you happy. you can be perfectly happy by yourself. plus, why go for someone who treats you like shit when you could be missing out on something great with someone else? don't waste time on people that drop you without a reason, don't put effort into someone who doesn't give any back. surround yourself with people who don't make you feel like you're alone just because you're not in a relationship. you're worth someone's time and you will find someone who's going to treat you like their king/queen, but not if you're with someone who sees you as a peasant.

my first taste of love was with a boy who didn't know what love was, he just knew he felt something for me that he hadn't felt for anyone before. and then one day, he didn't feel that anymore. he told me he was confused and that i used to make him so happy and i didn't do anything wrong but he doesn't want me anymore. i tried for months to recreate myself, become more like him thinking maybe then he'll want me back. i told myself it wasn't over, this was just a rough patch, he loved me and he told me i was beautiful so how can that change overnight?  but one day, i was lying on the floor of my best friend's bathroom after 10 shots of vodka and crying my eyes out because i still loved him. and i realised destroying myself and changing myself wasn't going to change the fact that he didn't love me anymore. so i picked myself up and i stopped smoking, drinking and taking drugs. my second love was a smooth talking dark haired and handsome boy who knew exactly what to say and how to make me happy. he told me he'd never leave me, he promised me i'd never be alone. until i find out he'd been cheating on me and telling them i never meant anything to him.  i was howling on the bathroom floor again, asking why love is so cruel.  until i realised love isn't cruel, people are. my first love was at the wrong time, my second was with the wrong person. but just like an open wound, time heals the scars other people leave. and however unfair a situation is, it will get better. just because your significant other can't see your value anymore doesn't mean it's not there, and it doesn't mean anyone else will. and maybe they won't see you smiling in a years time and realise where they've gone wrong, but that's okay. because even if they did, you'd be too happy to realise.

If someone cheats on you, or lies to you, don't fucking forgive them. Don't forgive them because they've breached your trust. Don't forgive them even if they promise you forever, don't you remember when they said you're the only one? However much it hurts, get your shit together and walk away. It doesn't matter who sent the last message. Wish them the fucking best and walk away. You don't deserve lies. You deserve someone who's not gonna promise you forever, but show you it