Speaking up.
So, this is the long awaited post, huh? The part of the story where I break my silence on the subject, where I finally speak up loud and clear about my side of the story.
You’ve been oh so keen on sharing your side of the story Ranze, so now it’s my turn. So sit down. I know that you are watching, you have been actively stalking me this past half a year.
I’ll try to keep this post short, so I’ll start from where this conflict started. At the end of this post you will find a google doc with all the evidence you’ll ever want and more, plus more personal accounts of what has happened.
Back in October of last year I believe, me and Ranze had a falling out over discord leading to me leaving the fandom permanently (until now). A lot happened to lead up to this.
Ranze, though not being the cause of my depression and other darker shit, had a hand in making all of that so much worse for me. He was actively hurting me for a long time with his so-called “positivity” which was basically telling everyone to shut up and bottle their emotions including me. He would give advice, something completely unasked for and in my case completely unwanted and try to force it on me. If I didn’t take this advice, he would blame me for my depressive episodes and blame me for making everyone else around me depressed like it’d be some kind of cold I could spread onto others. He would try to force me to promise him shit about MY mental state in front of others a lot of the time. I can’t keep any promises about that, but no matter how many times I would express my discomfort about this he would not care. He would try to force me.
It was not only promises he tried to force me with though, it was also things with what I was and wasn’t allowed to post, what I was allowed to talk about/do as well as other things. He would try to control me and my platform, again no matter how many times I told him to stop he simply would not.
I had several long talks with him about this. He would give a half-assed apology, but it wouldn’t take more than just a few days for him to continue with this behavior. I talked to him and pleaded with him to stop doing this shit because he was my friend and I just wanted him to become better.
Just become better.
But actions speak louder than words, and today it’s clear to me that he truly did not give a shit about me or my mental wellbeing. After I left he started to spread rumors about me, talking shit about me to others and discouraging anyone and everyone of our mutual friends to stop being around me. He completely isolated me, knowing full well how bad my mental state already was and knowing full well that earlier during the time we were still friends I had fantasized about taking my own life on multiple occasions. But he did not care. He does not care.
And this continued on until very recently. It wasn’t just friends either, he would tell people to leave my lm3 themed server in attempts to essentially kill it, which congratulations you succeeded with! I hope you are happy and contempt with yourself Ranze.
I go way further into exactly what went on between me and him in the doc, but before I post that I just want to say
I hope you’re happy with yourself Ranze. Did this fulfill you? Did it boost your little God complex to beat someone who was already so fucking far down because of you? And do not dare tell me you didn’t know, because in that last call we had in your server? I told you exactly what you had done. I told you exactly what you were doing. But you didn’t care. Because it was way easier to go behind my back and talk about me in your public chats in that server.
I have not had contact with either Ranze or Marshall to this day. Ranze has me blocked on several different platforms. The only one who I have talked to since is Sarah, who was so kind to message me here on Tumblr to ask me to go hush hush about all of this because if I don’t then someone would commit suicide because of me, and it’d be all my fault.
There was a reason I never spoke about any of this after this all happened, and that was because I didn’t want to have anything to do with any of you again. I wanted to leave and be left alone, I didn’t want to be in contact with Ranze who had hurt me so fucking badly. And whatever little respect I still kept for him also lead me to not speak about it. Not to friends, not to mutuals, not to my followers, not to anyone. But that respect is long gone, since I was not shown the same back.
So I hope you are happy with yourself. I’m done being silent about this.
But I’m not gonna tell anyone what to do with this information. You do as you please, if you want to keep being friends with him that’s fine by me (I’m not gonna go and start blocking people who interact with him like he does with people for me). But this is what happened, this is the evidence, and you do with it as you see fit.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bjeO69YTRu-6K70AvREgWNB2-LhEiXM1LMC9sRmNwCE/edit?usp=sharing
That is the doc. Have fun reading it.
