early randomcore

Cashier: What's wrong?

Me: It's the scent of this place. It's nostalgic. Reminds me of lavender scent of my grandmother's house. Even color of the walls remind me of the bygone era of my childhood; the dim sunsets of a fuzzy summer evenings, and faint memory of fading dreams.

Cashier: Ah, you want to start all over do you? I know the feeling. It's enough to drive me to the brink.

Me: Verily. At some point, I began to live my life in retrospect. The now doesn't matter anymore because everything has become so bland. What am I to do in this monotonous life when my happy times passed so long ago. It's as if-

Cashier: *turns into a 9 foot tall vibrating metal cube that deconstructs me at a molecular level and turns me into pure radium powder*

Guy, with that as fetish who actually wrote this post: *doesn't even jack it just looks at the screen all sweaty and breathing heavily*

Girlfriend: *walks into the room unannounced* Everything okay? You've been acting kind of strange recently.

Guy: *quickly closes all tabs* Oh, nothing. I'm just like. I'm... you know. I've been tired.

Girlfriend: *suspiciously* ...sure. Pizza's here by the way.

Guy: Okay, cool. I'll be right out. *wipes sweat from head*

Girlfriend: *texts best friend* He's definitely cheating. He just closed like twenty tabs on his computer!!!!!!!

Best Friend: Did you look through his browsing history?

Girlfriend: Yeah, it's all wikipedia pages about radioactive stuff. It's so fucking weird. He's either cheating or a terrorist.

Best Friend: That's creepy. I'd break up with him.

Girlfriend: I've been considering it, but it's complicated. I still feel so strongly about him. I don't want to ruin our relationship.

Best Friend: Sometimes you have to break things off with the people you care about the most. For a little bit anyway.

Girlfriend: Yeah, I get that. It's so hard though. I can't imagine life without him.

Best Friend: You have to do what you have to do. It's the only way to move forward. Getting stuck in a stagnant relationship can ruin you.

Girlfriend: I guess you're right...

Best Friend: *is wearing a full hazmat suit.*

Doctor: *walks up behind her* Jennifer, stop texting. We need you in the bottom.

Best Friend: Sorry, got it.

Best Friend: *descends in elevator, sees 9 foot tall humanoid ant corpse on the ground* Fucking gross! Do you know where it came from.

Doctor: No clue. It's why we called you here.

Best Friend: This isn't like any cryptid I've ever seen. It must be extraterrestrial in origin. Wait... is its body full of gummy worms? *hears the sound of the elevator going up behind her*

Best Friend: Doctor! Where are you going!? What the fuck!?

Doctor: Waves to her from the elevator.

Ant Humanoids: *appear from the shadows in the hundreds*

Best Friend: No, no, no, no! This can't be happening.

Ant Humanoids: *surround her*

Best Friend: Don't fucking come near me! I'm highly radioactive! You'll all die if you eat me.

Ant Humanoid in the back: *listening to comic book podcast*

Podcast Guy 1: So when it comes to Superman, I feel like there are actually two characters. Clark Kent, the man. Then there's Superman, the ideal. They're the same person but represent very different aspects of him.

Podcast Guy 2: Comic books are fucking stupid, my dude. *cellphone buzzes* Hold up, I gotta take this.

Podcast Guy 2: *gets an alert that his favorite fetish forum has updated, licks lips fuckingly*

Podcast Guy 2: *under breath* Oh yeah. A new radium dust sexual fanfic. Can't wait to tweak my noodle to this! Zoo wee mama!

Podcast Guy 1: What did you just say.

Podcast Guy 2: Nothing, man. We were talking about Superman. Let's continue with that.