Philo's Blog

my soul costs 2.50 i sit on shelves coated with hand grease people need to wash their hands its really gross i’m laminated, wrapped in plastic, my flesh  is 2  cent silicon walmart has me on sale good deal, good deal don’t buy me i break easily i’d rather sit on the shelf until i  get thrown in the trash than get returned for store credit my soul costs 2.50 and i’ll shatter like glass if you so much as get annoyed with how clunky i am and how poorly i work like a frustrating  toaster if you don’t like me i’ll probs explode in your face out of stre-ss instructions on my forehead  read: Do Not Use if Under or  Over the Age of 19 Consult a Doctor before Use If you’re Pregnant or have chronic Anxiety or Depression or are Completely Sane And then Avoid at All COSTS! on the 8pm news there have been reports of serious injury or death  from the use  of me  my soul costs 2.50 and my cheap nature lures people in and all i do is hurt hurt hurt and hurt seriously injure or kill [emotionally] the people that pay for me they pay in more ways than just money though there’s an emotion tax enacted by the federal government specifically for my use  to deter people like cigarettes to deter people i’m dangerous i have sharp edges i cost 2.50 and i have laminate flesh plastic, dead eyes 2 cent silicon encasing my organs and muscles soon the FDA will outlaw my sale and i’ll be  trashed like as a defect product dangerous. broken. inconvenient.

This is honestly so relatable and I’m going to need everyone else to step it up a notch

OMFG.

why

All that matters is what’s in your heart.

they’re not fucking kidding

then this shit.

racism is over