let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

Love Begins
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art blog(derogatory)
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cherry valley forever
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Stranger Things
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Keni
trying on a metaphor
Jules of Nature

JBB: An Artblog!
DEAR READER
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
Acquired Stardust


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@philo

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God is Dead
wind flowing through my hair too many thoughts on my soul wishing truth to emerge, silent anxiety uncertainly existing moment to moment
breathing in the beautiful pain paralized by moments of my regrets roads not taken, currents of time my master
pretending to exist, borrowing purpose owning nothing and wishing for everything caught in a forever loop of my creation revisiting failure wondering how to escape
so what's the point of all this?
why this, not something else?
there must be a purpose or a plan what if the planner is gone?
the husk of discarded divine experiment left to wander alone but together always to wonder always to yearn
for today we know the answer to this riddle...
God existed, but that god is now dead.
Did I meet 9/11 terrorists?
I have never told this story before. In 1996 I was the Sales Manager at a tiny retail computer store in Norman, Oklahoma. We had very little staff so I spent most of my time up front doing sales and managing the storefront.
We mostly dealt in custom-built desktop PC’s but I was also trying to introduce state-of-the-art laptops to our product line.
So, one day I had 2 customers come in and order a couple of high-end laptops at $5000 each. They didnt even flinch when I told them the price. They paid by a single check which was a bit unusual for such a big purchase but it cleared so I didnt take much notice.
Afterwards they said they would buy up to a dozen more. This would be a huge sale for us because ours was essentially a mom-and-pop sized store. Even selling the two laptops was exciting, twelve more would be astounding.
The men were in their late 20‘s or early 30‘s, were dark skinned with black hair, brown eyes and I judged them to have middle-eastern accents which was unusual for Oklahoma but not for Norman which is a college town. University of Oklahoma even then had a diverse international base of students from Europe, Asia, Africa and everywhere in between - many a student had shopped at our local PC store which was not far from campus.
But what stuck in my mind at the time, and especially after 9/11, was their stipulation that they would only buy the laptops if we could figure out how to ship them to Afganistan. They went on to explain that they were taking flight school classes in Norman and could not find high end laptops like this in their country.
Honestly, at the time I didnt know anything about Afganistan, its history, people or even recall geographically where Afganistan was located let alone why shipping something there might be a challenge. I was young and inexperienced, myself still attending college at OU but I had shipped computers for people many times before - even to other western countries. So I couldnt see any reason I couldnt ship them to Afganistan and was so hungry to make this sale and make my boss proud (bucking for promotion) that I was very determined to solve this shipping problem.
Quickly I learned that there were export laws governing shipping technology out of the country, especially to certain designated regions in the middle east. After talking to FedEx, UPS, and DHL about shipping options I hit a wall with shipping from the U.S.. However, I came up with a clever workaround - the laptop manufacturer shipped them to us from China (InWin Electronics) so I would instead do a Drop-Shipment directly from China where such export laws don’t apply.
I shared my solution with the customers who had been very patient during those two-weeks while I worked on solving their shipping problem. Unfortunately, at that point they probably realized they could order them directly from a non-US supplier and cut me out of the deal.
I never heard from them again.
Years later, well after 9/11 and the stories of the hijackers attending flight school in Florida and Oklahoma it occurred to me that I may have met two of the hijackers. Further, had I successfully shipped those laptops I could have unknowingly aided those responsible for the atrocities of 9/11.
I will never know the truth. I know in my heart it is not very likely that these two middle-eastern customers were terrorists or even vaguely related to terrorists but I will always wonder...
Always finish whatever you
Never
underestimate
your ability
to underestimate.

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Human Becoming
Being is enough,
but becoming is better.
Choose and act...
See you through your eyes,
reflected in theirs as realized.
Create your power, inspire theirs,
become, or be satisfied.
Your choice, your action...
YOUR choice,
YOUR action.
Anathema
Rigid and inert ideology saps thought,
immersion therapy numbs the soul,
Proselytizing harmony en mass,
atonic life’s duteous metronome,
Feather soft chorus of melancholy,
do we heed its call?
Never.
Artifice
Living is an art,
Art is life,
Life without art is not life...
Sad James
Approximation of manhood as seen in GQ belies a sadness, insecure, grasping for pretty things upon his arm. A shallow prize for the beautiful walking tragedy of a man.
Who are you?
Who are you trying to live up to?
Too late to blame childhood ignorance for the synthetic fabrication you so transparently constructed. Too late to create the false foundation your perception belies. Too late to do more than follow through on the lies you so perfectly embody.
Darkest Me
Today is not every day but it is an honest day nevertheless. This is the me that I dare not be lest despair falls like a blanket across my soul.
Plainly and with contempt do I bare my unburdoning so that in its doing less of me exists but more is darkness without. Tear strewn notes crumpled upon my bosom wilting in dreary silence. Putrid flesh fertilizes the soil where lies my mortality’s fallen grace.
Left behind my joys, troubles, love and regrets to fend themselves. No loss is gained without embuing life with myself or its perception. Losing oneself for others begins the measure...
Was I?
Was I not?
Only you whom I most disappointed life unlived may judge.

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Old age
One more day to repay my debts, Â
Another day to have regrets, Â
One more day towards my death, Â
Someone can say he wasn't the best, Â
I don’t really know anything anymore, Â
I don’t want to be wanted by anyone more, Â
Nobody is there inside my brain, Â
except my friend, the pain...
pang
paying Â
One more day to feel alone, Â
Another day to lose whats gone, Â
One more day I wish for none, Â
Giving up is the only way home... Â
Backwards living forward dreams, Â
Nobody understands a word it seems, Â
I don’t want to want your eyes - green, Â
I don’t need you to need my dreams... Â
One more day to say my say, Â
A mother cries for her wasted pain, Â
One more day for a heart to beat, Â
An other who knows no other - me. Â
Fearing the end keeps me going, Â
Never adult, forever a child unknowing...
Un knowing Â
Un know me Â
Sometimes...
We fear falling so we fail to climb.
We fear rejection so we dont say Hello,.
We think we are dumb so we don’t learn.
We don’t know how to start so we just stop.
We see only the beauty in others & only ugliness in ourselves.
Sometimes we are wrong about everything...
If I get another cat...
I would name it something like...
Atonic
Amaran
Astrophy
Bob
Mandu
Nip
Tharsis
Thode
Eternal Rest
Eyes low, mind worn, body slow Every step fears their last. Mind yawning past thought autopilot - muscle memory takes over. Darkness enshrouds soul, terror grips, shreds, last breath Paralyzed in exhaustion Only hope of morning light, terror barely at bay Consciousness loses its battle.
‪Quick to judge‬ ‪Quick to anger‬ ‪Slow to understand‬ ‪Ignorance and prejudice‬ ‪And fear walk hand in hand...‬
RUSH - "Witch Hunt", Moving Pictures (1981)

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Unlived
...alive, in shadows, never becoming, less than knowing, seeing only in twilight, blinded others, befuddled by incessent march of time's boots treading prone bodies - too late, following, trying to be, untrusting self, wishing overwhelms doing, despair a self-fulfilling prophecy, seeking light, failing to shine, sunset falls casting last light, creating shadows in the funereal glow of today drifting towards tomorrow, fading a life until its barely noticed...barely...