Hi

I usually don't get all that homesick whenever I come back to Irvine for school, but coming back today was pretty difficult. Even though I was sick for all of spring break, I miss being able to stay home and not worrying about having to do anything.

Reading, drinking tea, playing with our new puppy Bruno, and finally being able to see my friends. That's basically what my days consisted of this past week. And I enjoyed every minute of that freedom - freedom from not thinking about grades, studying, extracurriculars, working, responsibilities. Finally, a nice, simple life, and nice, sunny weather. I feel like that's all I really need to be happy.

all i ever really do on tumblr now is complain about life

all i want to do these days is hang out at home with family because we’re all getting fucking old and soon we aren’t gonna see each other very often, especially my grandma

all i do is fail fail fail 

and take it really badly

what am i doing with my life

what am i gonna do when i graduate

lol med school

school is losing its appeal in general

i have never felt like quitting school as much as i do right now

why does college make people feel so worthless

the only thing i look forward to these days are the weekends because weekdays suck

i thought we were friends and would stay friends for a while

but i guess not

a big fuq u

"It’s just one of those days, right?" my grad student in research says to me, yawning.

"Right," I agree.

And I guess it was a bad omen for things to come because I fucked up horribly in our experiment today.

One mistake made, oops. “Everything should be fine.”

Then another and another and finally I leave from the lab early and I feel like my grad student and I are both on the verge of tears. Her, because I just wasted a week of her time (it was a week long experiment), and me, because I feel like a total failure and disappointment.  Sure, it’s only a week for me, and everything is a learning experience, but my grad student is trying to get published and finally get her ph.d, so I feel like I’m holding her back longer than she needs to be. What’s more is that I was lucky enough and she was kind enough to even let me do research in the lab and now she probably regrets her decision.

So now here I am eating panda express and writing this post and this honey sesame chicken is so good it almost makes me feel a little bit better about myself.