we in this bitch

phantom of the opera asses ranked from least thicc to DUMB THICC 

erik: 

erik has no ass. straight up. bitch got zero ass cheeks. NOTHING. its a void. he has no nose, no moral compass, and no ass

how does he shit??? its a mystery

any chaps become assless chaps when erik wears them (because he has no ass) 

christine:

her heart is thicc with love and compassion but her ass is flatt with two ts

shes a pure and chaste woman of virtue so she’s saving her ass for jesus anyway

has a great personality but her personality cant sit on ur face :/

raoul: 

generally a scrawny twink but has a surprisingly decent ass 

*drops red scarf and bends over seductively to pick it up* pardon me madamoiselle 

does squats in front of a mirror while crying 

the daroga: 

not the thiccest but sculpted like a goddamn statue

a magnificent work of booty craftsmanship, flawless, like everything else about the daroga who is one of the few characters in phantom of the opera who is both sexy AND valid 

he doesn’t get a pension for being part of the royal family- he gets a pension for dat ass

carlotta:

you know how women in the 19th century wear those giant fuck off 19th century booty dresses? not carlotta. thats all ass, all day

its an ass to die for and one that has Definitely Killed

her asscheeks contain active hornets nests and if anyone other than piangi touches her ass it WILL anger the hornets 

piangi: 

BEHOLD!!! THAT ASS COULD BRING DOWN THE CHANDELIER!!!!

MAMMA MIA THOSE ARE TWO A-SPICY MEATBALLS 

As I promised I’m gonna show you some text examples of the book emoji Phantom of the Opera. It was absolutely fun to read and hilarious to see all these 19th century characters write in modern text messaging language XD. In my opinion it’s totally worth buying it, an awesome little addition to every PotO phan collection.

I had some more photos, but since tumblr allows only ten per text post, I sadly had to decide.

“You should write an opera: ‘How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less’”

Oh man, I got a good laugh out of this–thanks for the Patreon request, Robert!

Characters from my comic @fantome-stein, spoofed scene from here.

erik get off the ceiling