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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@perfunctorally

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dogs are adorable
Once Upon A Deadpool | Trailer
What they say: There is a skeleton inside you.
The truth: You are inside your skeleton. You are a brain.
What the fuck

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It’s weird to think that nighttime is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby, radiating ball of flame.
Don’t fuck me up like this
My boss called me “Tyrone” on accident (My name is Tyrand). She apologized and bought me lunch to make up for it. I didn’t think twice about it, since I’m used to getting called every variant of “Ty-(fill in blank here)”. Then later on I read a quote she keeps in her work area that made me feel kinda special.
“During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: “What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?” Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. “Absolutely,” said the professor. “In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say ‘Hello’.”
I’ve never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.“
This is a very important lesson to learn
Slutty Witch

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Iconic
A porcupine’s Halloween present (+ original sound effects)
I had no idea giant porcupines made fucking precious sounds
THAT’S THE SOUND IT MAKES!?!?!?
UN-BE-FUCKING-LIEVABLE
We got asked if this is cute and okay. I can very happily say yes, this is stupid cute and those are happy porcupine noises.
One of my favorite things about doing zoo work was all the noises you never realize the animals make when they’re excited or interested in a new thing. Coatimundis squeak and snuffle, and giant porcupines make that sound.
Omgggg the sounds.
Teddy is back on my dash and all is right with the world
WE ALMOST TO OCTOBRE POST OF PUNKINBEARS
i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.
I’m sorry but homophobia and racism aren’t opinions
Ok but I wanna play 😭☹️
Me too 😭
This needs to be on ESPN
Why this shit look fun as fuck?
This looks awesome oh shit!!!!
I was on the EDGE of my seat

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this is stomp dog it shows up to stomp away sadness
this fucked me up