Perfect Bird

An assertive person is someone who:

1. Values themselves and other people equally

2. Has the confidence to say both “yes” and “no” – without feeling that they have to defend their position

3. Is willing and able to stand up for themselves, and ensures they are treated with fairness and respect

4. Takes responsibility for their own needs

5. Takes responsibility for their words and their behaviour – and admits when they have failed, or have made a mistake

6. Expresses their true feelings in an honest way (while being respectful and considerate of others)

here’s to the people with anxiety so bad they can’t call back anymore

here’s the every person who seems normal on paper but is visibly awkward at the interview

here’s to every mentally ill person passed up again and again by someone neurotypical or passingly neurotypical

here’s to the people with frustrated parents who insist that you “aren’t trying enough”

here’s to the mentally ill people that are having a hard enough time not killing themselves

here’s to the visibly mentally ill looking for jobs

Form your habits

free printable you can download here

Forming your habits can be extremely difficult, here’s a tool that can help you achieve that. I use a 21 days calendar because it’s customary in these sort of things. It’s not scientifically based but usually 21 days are enough for most people to create a new lasting habit. Sometimes you’ll need more.

All the sections in the printable are there to help you, so I really recommend you fill every part! Let’s see what those are:

Triggers - it can be anything, even an alarm on your phone, but I suggest you ‘latch’ your new habit to some old one you have. Like if you want to start flossing, use as a trigger ‘after washing my teeth’ or something logical like that. Also put this printable somewhere you can see, so that you’ll be reminded of it!

Rewards - while the habit in itself should be a reward you definitely need something a little more short term because sometimes it’s difficult to see the long term plan. Something small and easy, like congratulating yourself, or crossing off the task in your planner or app, or buy something small like a song or an app, or do a little dance or whatever it might work for you and might bring a smile on your face.

Why am I doing this? - This is possibly the most important. if you don’t have a personal reason to form a new habit you’ll never find the motivation to do it.

Tiny Victories - More often than not you’ll face all sort of obstacles during your attempt to form your habit. Consider from the beginning a list of small wins that are a ‘lighter version’ of your habit. So you don’t have to punish yourself if you don’t get that day to perform your habit. It will make it easier for you to start the habit and it will not become a chore. 

“but I just don’t want to today…” - We are our worst enemies. You know yourselves pretty well, you probably have tried more than once to attempt this habit, so you know how many excuses you can come up in the next 21 days to avoid working on your habit… “I’m too stressed to do this” “I was so good yesterday I can take a day off” “I’m on vacation”… and so on. Make a list of replies to yourself, now that your excitement is at the top so in the next days you’ll be able to read it again and convince yourself to actually do what you proposed yourself to do.

Here’s a list of good habits you might want to try:

daily review of your planner

cleanup your desk

meditate

take a walk

exercise for 30 minutes

15 minutes of gesture drawing

wake up early

work 30 minutes on your personal project

use a language app

write in your journal

clean something

Greasy Hair: raid the spice rack. Plain arrowroot powder makes an effective dry shampoo with no scent or irritating chemicals. Just shake it directly onto your roots, scruff it in well, and brush through. Sometimes I’ll even sprinkle on some cinnamon or nutmeg because it smells so good.

B.O.: If you can get your hands on it, 160-190 proof grain alcohol (everclear) will kill the b.o. causing bacteria and neutralize their odor. Either dab or spritz it anywhere you feel is getting “funky”. It’s odorless once it evaporates, and you can spray it directly on most fabrics, too. It will sting if you get it in your eyes, though, so avoid using it on your face (your face doesn’t smell anyway!).

General Dirty Feeling: Take a “cat bath”. Just dampen a washcloth (or cut up an old, soft cotton tee shirt for extra comfort) with lukewarm water, and give a quick wipe down to anywhere you feel yucky. It’s very refreshing. Bonus points if you can purr.

Emotional Permanence Issues

bpd is pretty much synonymous with lack of emotional permanence. a vast majority–if not all– of us have trouble remembering or recalling, emotionally, whether or not we are really cared for by our loved ones. this is a very difficult issue at hand because another major obstacle is coming off to everyone as clingy, obsessive, needy, etc (a negative stereotype.)

one way i’ve found helps with restoring, even if only temporarily, a sense of emotional permanence is to keep some kind of log of the positive emotional experiences with our Favorites and other loved ones. this could be:

     • keeping paper records– write down a description of the positive experience to read over at low points. 

     • keeping screenshots of meaningful messages: including “I love you’s,” affirmations, compliments, reminders that they are always here if we need them, etc. 

     • taking photos / making physical photo albums (this is a great one because it also gives one a sense of accomplishment when it’s done!)

     • keeping a #tag of posts from friends that evoke good feelings (for example: my “friends” tag, which is full of photo sets and things that remind me of how many wonderful loving people i have in my circle)

or anything else you can think up that may help you in times of distress or feelings of abandonment. this method can also assist in preventing splitting people on emotional drops!