Imperfect Perfections

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

t-shirt with the words “high-functioning corpse” printed on it

yall ever miss your own energy?? like damn wtf happened to me??

The Magnanimous Airplane

well, the ears dropped

​still genuinely might be the best own ive ever seen in my fucking life

never going to be over that time I was trying to explain polyamory to my mum, and she said "I just don't understand how someone could be in love with two people at once" and I gave her my the-cognitive-dissonance-is-causing-me-physical-pain face and she said "what??" and I very quietly said "mother....you had an affair...."

Another reason why trains would be good is that most people are not good at driving

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

my lawyer told me "you're very honest in a way that I'd want you to talk in mediation but not in court" and I wasn't sure what that meant until 10 minutes later when I, completely unprompted, referred to myself as a "pathological responsibility hoarder" and immediately was like oh, okay, I get it now

well. we got exactly what we expected out of mediation. so

I wonder if the milkman’s wife knows exactly what she’s getting into when she agrees to marry him

explosion at health potion factory 0 dead 0 injured