Penny Nicholson

Doe didn’t believe Penny was sorry at all and maybe it was the wine but she didn’t mind that at all. Even if she did in fact mind the suggestion Penny had made about Davey. Ugh. “Shut up,” she said with a laugh, tossing a cauldron cake at Penny when she started teasing Doe. Her smile faded when Penny got serious. Things had been so bad she didn’t blame Penny at all. She even felt a little bad about unloading all this stupid Davey crap on her. Or had till Penny started talking. She was glad she’d went ahead and did it. Doe leaned forward and gave Penny a half hug. “Don’t you dare apologize! You’ve had real things to deal with. And as soon as I realized this was becoming a problem I called you. Because that’s what we do, we call each other in when we need to. Tragedies and a soon-to-be husband doesn’t change that.” Maybe she’d needed that reminder too since she’d been reluctant to bother Penny with this. But she didn’t want them to get all sad, especially not when they were drinking. “Not even terrible advice about Gryffindors can change that,” she added, teasing again. “Don’t think I’m not on to you trying to get me to shag a Gryffindor. Maybe I should be grateful it’s not someone’s twin.” Though if she had to shag a Gryffindor she’d choose Matt over Davey any day.

“Oi!” Penny laughed louder when Doe tossed the cauldron cake at her, retaliating simply by picking it up and taking a big bite. Merlin, it was nice to goof around again, but Penny didn’t want that to let her lose sight of the more important things. That she hadn’t been there for Doe lately the way she should have. But of course Doe didn’t blame her for it, and Penny had to swallow past the lump forming in her throat as she hugged Doe back. Pushing back the thoughts that still lingered just in the back of her mind, threatening to push forward at any moment, but Penny forced them aside and listening to Doe made that easier. “Good. I’m glad you did.” She pulled back and smiled at Doe, glad that her best friend was something in her life that was a constant right now. And glad Doe brought them back to teasing before things could get too serious. Penny laughed. “Oi! I’m just saying, those McKinnons really know what they’re doing. At least mine does.” Penny couldn’t help grinning widely at Doe. “Sadly for you, though, Matt’s seeing someone now. But I still say if you’re looking for some fun you should go for a Gryffindor,” she teased. 

Oh bloody hell! Doe was either going to barf or have an aneurysm. Hate sex was definitely the only type of sex she’d have with someone like Gudgeon but it wasn’t her thing. At all. Nor was Gudgeon. Ugh. “If you keep this up I’m going to lose my wine,” Doe moaned. She couldn’t believe that Penny would go there. That McKinnon had fried her brain. “Yeah I don’t want to shag Davey,” she added to make sure that Penny knew that shagging Davey wasn’t happening. “I think I pick finding a bloke. Early mornings just aren’t my thing while I have to deal with late nights.” Something she knew Penny would understand. Even if she was still having weird delusions about Doe shagging Davey. A ridiculous idea that was now stuck in her head. Doe was certainly going to be sick. Quickly she downed the rest of her wine. “I can’t believe you would put such a disgusting thought in my head, Penny. Honestly!” She wasn’t really upset at Penny just her disgusting idea. “Thanks for the laugh though. I guess I needed that.” Doe poured herself another glass of wine and offered to top Penny’s glass up.

Penny couldn’t help but let out another laugh when Doe threatened to lose her wine. Her suggestion had been a real one, but despite how quick Doe was to reject it it was nice to just laugh about something with her best friend. It felt like it had been way too long since they’d last done that, so she just chuckled and nodded when Doe went with picking a bloke to shag. That ought to do her some good, at least. "Good choice,” she agreed, taking another sip of her wine and nearly choking on it when Doe spoke again. Another laugh spilling past her lips. “Sorry!” She grinned at her best friend, not sorry at all. “He’s got you awfully worked up, though, you never know,” she couldn’t resist teasing. “Happy to help,” she chuckled, nodding at Doe’s offer to fill up her wine glass before she let her expression become slightly more serious. “But -- really, I am happy to help. Even if all I can do is listen and give you bad ideas.  I don’t think I’ve been a very present friend lately, and I’m sorry about that.” Penny may have had a lot going on in her own life, but that was no excuse for not being there when Doe needed her. If anything, she needed to be even more so if she was going to move on from what happened -- and she finally felt like she was beginning to do that.

Penny’s careful words of ‘don’t get mad’ had Doe looking at her warily. And apparently for good bloody reason. Shag him!?!?!? What the bloody hell? Since getting made wasn’t an option Doe laughed. That was bloody ridiculous. “Merlin, Penny! What the hell has that McKinnon bloke done to you. Shag him? I mean okay I’m in need of a good shag, I will not deny that one at all. And getting one would probably help the stress level. But Davey Gudgeon? Are you freaking serious?” This was like some bad dream. Penny wanted her to shag the bloke that was irritating her to no end. She could just see that going swell. “He’d probably glare at me the whole bloody time because that seems to be the only facial expression he has. And there is no chance that Davey Gudgeon would be a good shag, at all! I want to hex him not fuck him.” Honestly what the hell did her and Mike do? The idea was so ludicrous she couldn’t stop laughing about it. He wasn’t even hot or have a job that made him not being hot not an issue. She’d sooner shag Cene or a bloody McKinnon then she would Davey. The only people who would come lower than Davey in ranking to shag were Death Eaters.

Okay. Doe was laughing. Which, given what Penny had just suggested, was actually not the worst reaction she could have gotten. “Oi!” Penny couldn’t help retorting, letting out a laugh of her own when Doe brought Mike into it. Though maybe she had a fair point, given that before Mike Penny’s sex life had been quite a bit tamer. She hadn’t known what she was missing out on, and while a hate shag wasn’t something she’d ever done herself maybe one could do Doe some good. At the very least seeing Doe laugh about anything was a good start, after seeing how worked up she was. She laughed again when Doe said Davey would just glare at her during sex, biting back a comment about her apparently even giving the idea a sliver of thought. Instead she shrugged when Doe was finally finished. “What? I’m just saying there’s obviously a lot of tension between you two, and since you can’t avoid him...” She shrugged again. “I’ve heard hate sex is pretty hot,” she added with a mischievous grin and waggled her eyebrows, this time completely teasing. Okay, mostly teasing. “But if you don’t wanna shag Davey maybe finding another bloke to shag would help you de-stress. Or early morning runs?” As if either of them could afford to lose more sleep, but stress didn’t help with sleep either so maybe it would be a wash. 

Dorcas laughed at Penny’s question. “Yes, I do think he’d take any opportunity to tell his buddy what a bitch I am.” And frankly Doe really didn’t appreciate everyone —Cene and Penny that was — acting as though Doe was crazy to say that. Davey was a huge arse of course he’d bad mouthed her to Josh. Had probably jumped on it first thing. She nearly laughed again at Penny’s answer about Moody. “Which he is apparently still pissed at me for. Can you believe that? He was showing off in my class and I’m the bitch just because I noticed it? I didn’t even call him out on it. Instead I get him into the bloody Order and all I get is him complaining again about me being a bitch.” Doe’s tone gave away how much Davey was getting under her skin and it bugged her even more. “I wish I could just hex his tongue to the roof of his mouth and all this would be so much better.” Worlds better. Penny’s question had her frowning. She didn’t know. “I don’t know. I guess maybe because he keeps on. Like he can’t even be civil. Most people are like you’re being a bitch and that’s it. They say their piece, I call them an arse, it’s done. We find a way to work together if need be. But he’s glaring at me in class, he’s acting like I’m personally offending him in training. There’s no working together with him. If anything it feels like he’s working against me.” And Doe could have stopped there but nope. “He won’t let it go that I called him out about showing off in class and figured out his big huge secret,” insert eye roll because he wasn’t hiding it very well, “Or that I had the audacity to try and keep him from getting himself hurt that night in Diagon. Because wow what a bitch for not wanting someone to get hurt, right?” Another eye roll because he was a baby. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as irritating and we had bloody Gilderoy Lockhart in our house.”

Penny just winced slightly at Doe’s quick answer to her question, not at all doubting her friend but sorry to hear that all the same. Especially to hear how much Davey talking about her was clearly getting to Doe. That sort of thing was something she’d always been quick to brush off, but maybe because Josh was a reporter it was different. Or maybe it was Davey that was different, strange a thought to entertain as that was. But Merlin, it was becoming more and more clear the longer Doe spoke just how much Davey had gotten to her. If anything, it was beginning to sound more and more like Doe actually cared what Davey thought of her. But that wasn’t like Doe at all. And Davey Gudgeon was practically the opposite of her type, so there was really no reason at all he should be getting to her. Except he was, obviously he was. “Bloody hell,” was the only answer Penny could manage at first, her mind reeling as she tried to make sense of everything Doe was saying. All she was certain of was that Davey Gudgeon was driving Doe up the wall. “Maybe....” She began tentatively, eyeing Doe for a minute as she decided whether she really wanted to go there or not. Problem was Penny didn’t really know where else to go at this point. “Okay, don’t get mad,” she began carefully, trying to think up the best way to word what she was about to say. “But...look, I’ve never seen anyone get to you this much, and since avoiding him isn’t an option....maybe you just need to shag him. Get him out of your system, you know?” Whatever was going on there was clearly a lot of tension building between the two, and there were only so many ways that could be done away with. 

“Nothing, he’s just writing an article about the class.” Josh hadn’t done anything. Doe was just flipping out. Flipping out because of Davey. This was all Davey’s fault. “He was in class tonight and of course Davey was bad mouthing me to him. Because that’s all he’s capable of.” Of course she needed time off, they all needed time off. Penny was still talking though and honestly she was right. Doe did need time away from Davey. She needed a lifetime away from Davey. But she couldn’t ask Penny that. Penny had so much on her plate. Everything with the baby and now a wedding to plan.”Thanks, Penny. But I can’t ask you to do that.” There was also a little bit of Doe that felt like Davey would like Penny much better and she’d be a failure. A failure because she couldn’t train him. Failure didn’t sit well with Doe. “Moody knows we don’t get along. Why did he stick me with Davey? There’s so many other people he could have chosen.” Doe took another drink of wine, at this rate she was going to have to open another bottle. “I have to figure out a way to deal with him, Penny.”

“Oh.” Josh was writing about Doe’s classes. That was interesting, and Penny could certainly see how something like that would be stressful. Of course Doe wanted her classes to come across favorably. But -- then they were back to Davey again. Okay. Penny frowned. “Do you really think he would do that?” Penny couldn’t help asking, not doubting Doe but genuinely curious. She didn’t know Davey well, but bad mouthing the classes he was apparently still going to to a reporter sounded like an awfully stupid thing to do. A small smile and a nod was Penny’s only answer when Doe didn’t accept her offer to help. She knew that Doe knew it was genuine, as much as Penny had going on right now, and she knew Doe would take it if she wanted it. She could even understand why Doe wouldn’t want to, even though clearly Davey was getting to her in a way that Penny had frankly never seen before. “I dunno, Doe...” Penny began, shaking her head because she had no idea why Moody did half the things he did. “Maybe because you’re the one who figured out the whomping willow didn’t actually damage his brain?” She offered with a light shrug. It was the best she could think of, that Doe had already managed to see something in Davey even if they ended up getting along horribly. But she didn’t know what to tell Doe about how to deal with him. “You will, Doe,” Penny offered her reassurance before she fell quiet for a moment, taking a sip of her own wine. “But....normally this sort of thing wouldn’t get to you. What is it about Davey?

Doe gave her a grateful smile. Though she wasn’t sure she believed her friend this time. She didn’t say that though, instead reaching in and getting herself a cauldron cake. Doe wished it was something she could take to Moody but it wasn’t. “Moody knows! And it’s not…. He’s rude, oh bloody hell is he rude! But he does the work. It’s just his attitude is so…annoying. I have to tell him what he’s doing wrong, or how else will he learn. But does he have to act like a petulant child every single time? Like I’m insulting his entire family or something by daring to suggest he actually needs to work on things. And then he’s at almost every class glaring at him. There is such a thing as too much of someone and let me tell you I am getting way too much of Davey Gudgeon in my bloody life. Just one freaking day without his bloody dark cloud hanging over everything would be nice. Ya know? He’s driving me insane. And now I’ve got stupid Josh Aubrey to deal with. Who is of course great friends with Davey. Just hex me now.” This was too much. Doe took another large drink of wine.

Wow. Davey Gudgeon had really gotten to Doe. He’d really, really gotten to her. And it was hard for Penny to understand exactly why that was. From what Doe was saying he sounded like he was being a brat, there was no doubt about that. But someone not liking her -- even giving her a hard time -- was not something that Doe had ever let get to her before. Certainly not from someone whose opinion shouldn’t matter at all. Penny respected Davey, was glad to have someone else on their side, but at the end of the day he was hardly someone who ought to be able to get into Doe’s head. Which was exactly what he seemed to have done. Penny listened with concern as Doe vented, taking a sip of her own wine as she tried to process what could possibly be going on aside from Doe simply being overworked. And maybe it was that simple. Davey and his apparently constant, irritating presence was just the last straw. And -- “Josh?” Okay. That was random. "What did he do?” Josh always seemed nice. Sadly unmotivated, perhaps, but a familiar presence whenever the McKinnons had parties and someone Mike and Matt both got on well with. “Maybe you just need some time off,” Penny dared to suggest, quickly tacking on, “Just from Davey, I mean.” More than that would probably do all of them a lot of good, but they had to take what they could get. “I could train him for a bit, if you want?”

Doe wasn’t sure what was wrong with her. Other then she was sorely in need of a break. She was cracking that was what was wrong with her. The stress was finally killing her. Better than a Death Eater or something. She couldn’t go on like this. She needed to talk to her best friend. Maybe Penny would help her hex Davey. Bloody hell. Doe got out the glasses and wine and waited for Penny to arrive. Answering the door with a grateful look at her best friend. “Thank you. I really need a girls night in.” Or a curse to the head Doe wasn’t sure which. “I’ve already go the wine poured.” Doe led the way to the sofa where the wine was waiting. “Glad you bought cauldron cakes. I think I needed those too.” Eating junk food wasn’t something she did often, reserving it for times like this. “I think I’m finally cracking, Penny. I’ve actually let Davey’s poor attitude get to me. I don’t care that he thinks I’m a bitch but it bothers me so much that he just won’t let it go and get over it. I can’t train him!” Wow she wanted to get to the point but that was a little much. Fuck. Doe took a big gulp of wine.

“Of course,” Penny answered Doe with a warm smile when her friend opened the door, feeling that same pang of guilt she’d felt when she received Doe’s owl. It was a long process, returning to normal after what happened that day in headquarters, but that was no excuse for not realizing just how stressed Doe had become lately. Penny had noticed that her best friend looked strained, but she hadn’t realized just how bad it had become until she got Doe’s owl. And apparently it was worse than she’d thought. “Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty.” Yep, the cauldron cakes had been a good decision, and the least she could do to make up for being a less than great friend as of late. But she didn’t get a chance to say that, barely settling down onto the sofa before Doe was cutting right to the chase. ....And the chase was Davey Gudgeon? Okay. ...Okay. That was...weird. Penny knew Doe hadn’t been getting on with him. She knew that feeling seemed to be very much mutual. But she hadn’t realized just how much it was getting to Doe. The fact that it was getting to Doe at all was something of a shock, especially given that they were talking about a former Gryffindor who still worked as a shop clerk at Quality Quidditch Supplies. That was not the type of person that got to Doe. Certainly not the kind of person who made Doe claim she couldn’t do something. Penny frowned, taking a moment to process before she spoke. “First of all, Doe, you can do anything,” Penny gave her friend a smile, because she truly believed that. And Doe did, too -- she’d just lost sight of that. ...Because of Davey. Penny opened the small box of cauldron cakes she’d brought and offered it to Doe before she started trying to dig a little deeper. “Is he rude to you? Does he not listen to what you’re saying? If he’s not cooperating I don’t think you’d be out of line going to Moody. It’s your job to train, not babysit.”

Penny,

Doe,

Mike turned and kissed her hand at her words, murmuring, “I love you,” into her palm. Merlin he was a lucky bloke, Penny was a special one. The fact that it had taken him so long to realize that was a joke. He really wished he’d have paid attention sooner. But he had her now and that was all that mattered. Her words had him smiling into their kiss. “Not happening, love. I’ll let you get away with a thrown together quickie in your parents’ village of a backyard but no eloping. You’re getting a wedding.” Even though Mike would have loved to just pick her up and carry her off to get hitched that night, what a grand adventure that would be, he felt as though she might regret that. Not marrying him just not marrying him properly in front of her family with the dress and the suits. All the trappings that went with weddings. It was a bugger to wait but he knew how much his mother cherished her wedding album and he didn’t want to deprive Penny of an album full of pictures of them and their families all over dressed and slightly drunk. “We’ll have the wedding and then one hell of a party after. It’ll be great.” He was certain of that, there were too many people who would help make sure it was for it not to be.

A soft hum sounded in Penny’s throat when Mike murmured against her palm, warmth filling her up from head to toe. Love had never been something she’d sought out, never something she ever thought would be more important than her own plans and her own dreams. She’d never realized it could only make those things better, never realized how much she was missing out on until she found Mike. And Merlin, they’d taken their time realizing everything they needed was feet away from them. Maybe that was why their relationship had progressed so quickly, so naturally. There was no part of her left that doubted the strength of how much they loved each other, and Mike’s words only proved her right. She let out a sheepish chuckle at his insistence on a wedding, nodding without protest. If Mike wasn’t jumping at the opportunity to run off and get married today, Penny knew it wasn’t because he didn’t want to. It was for her, and she loved him all the more for it. There seemed to be no end to how much she could love Mike McKinnon. “It will be,” she agreed, leaning close to kiss him again. “I love you so much, Mike,” she whispered when she pulled back, amazed at how lucky she was to have him. Everything should have felt perfect. And it almost did, except for the glaring absence she could never seem to shake from her mind for too long. Mike was all she needed, but only three weeks ago there had been something more. She couldn’t help the way her smile saddened, and she wrapped her arms tightly around Mike as if she could ensure she would never lose him, too. 

Christmas and all the trappings that went with it were good things for both of them to focus on. A reminder that they were still alive, still together, still moving forward. It was harder now but they were still moving forward. Their lives irrevocably altered but that wasn’t stopping them. There was comfort in that, even if at times he felt guilty for the steady onward movement. But ceasing their own lives because their child didn’t get one wasn’t the right way to mourn. He was relieved that Penny seemed to be on the same page as him on this.

Mike’s question only made Penny that much more certain of her decision. She smiled, nodding and lifting a hand to caress his cheek. “I’m sure, love. You’re everything I want.” There was nothing but certainty in her voice, because this was the one thing Penny did feel entirely certain of after everything they’d been through. She wanted to be married to Mike, and all she cared about was that both their families could be there. The fact that he was so concerned with making sure the wedding was everything she wanted it to be only making her impossibly love him that much more. She cared about their families being there. About all of them meeting each other, and her and Mike sharing their love with them. To a lesser degree, she did care about the rest. About the dress, and the decorations, and the invitations. But those things were trivial. Those things were not at all worth putting off the wedding any longer, when waiting until January already seemed torturous. “I wish we could just get married right now,” she murmured, leaning forward to kiss him gently. “We could just have a party for our families in January.”

“We can go this weekend, before all the good ones are gone. Get a fresh one and some decorations. Start making ourselves some traditions.” As reluctant as he was to let go of the ones he’d started with his siblings only a few years ago he was ready to start some new ones with her. They were a family now, even without being married or the baby, the two of them were a family. New traditions would be good. And they wouldn’t be leaving all their old ones behind, their families were still big parts of their lives. Just not central parts anymore.  

“Perfect.” Penny’s smile widened at the way his words mirrored her own thoughts so perfectly, without her even having to say them aloud. It made her even more excited for their future together, despite the loss that still hung over them. They were partners, and they would get through this together. 

Penny smiled and Mike felt his own smile growing. There was a moment he’d been afraid she would never smile again. Either of them really, though her smile mattered more to him. As long as she was smiling he doubted he’d ever not be able to. As heavy as his heart still felt her smile made it feel much lighter.

There had been a time where Penny had also wondered if she would ever be able to smile again. There were still days when it felt like she wouldn’t. But so long as she had Mike, it would be impossible for her never to smile, something he’d proven time and time again. Even when that ever-present grief found its way back to the front of her mind, a squeeze of his hand helped her push it aside once again. 

For a long while Mike had measured time by when his siblings would be home for their school holidays. There had been a spell when there was nothing to measure, the kids were all home for good. The war continued. Time felt meaningless. Somewhere between their first hook up and finding out Penny was pregnant time had started feeling against him. As if he were racing his own hourglass. Then there was the moment when he’d heard it, the baby’s heartbeat. Suddenly time meant something and it was measured out in trimesters and other terms he barely understood.

Penny sank into Mike’s embrace, her worries and her grief disappearing for one blissful moment as she thought only about the fact that he was here, and in that instant that was all she needed. “Better now,” she answered with a smile, memorizing his face even though she already knew it by heart. It was impossible to keep that persistent worry at bay for too long, and the only thing worse than losing Mike would be forgetting a single detail about him. Like that little crease that popped up between his eyebrows when he was confused. 

His free hand automatically moved to try and brush her tears away. It killed him to see her so upset and know there was nothing he could do. No way to ease the pain. Wasn’t even sure if time could do that. Her words felt like he was being stabbed. “Love, please. It’s not your fault. You would have been the best mother,” he told her softly, choking up a little on the words. It was too soon to think of doing it again. The pain too fresh to imagine a time when it wouldn’t be. “I’m always going to be there, always.” In light of everything that wasn’t a promise he could really make. But it was one he’d do everything in his power to keep. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get onboard. It wasn’t you or the blob. I was scared of letting you both down,” Mike had trouble getting the truth out without starting to cry again because he felt like he’d done just that. “Of leaving you alone.” He still couldn’t believe that their blob had been the one to do just that, to leave them both. It just wasn’t right. Wasn’t fair. He knew life wasn’t fair but it didn’t stop him from being angry and sad over it. Didn’t stop the feeling that his heart was broken even though Penny was still with him. Had she not been he was certain it would be smashed completely. Mike leaned down and kissed her again, grateful she was still there, not hurt worse than she’d been. 

At the same time that Mike’s voice broke, another soft sob fell from Penny’s lips. Mother. Something she would never be, at least not anytime soon. It was too painful to think about the possibility of trying that again. Still his words meant a lot, and she only hoped that eventually she might be able to believe them. For now, it was good enough that Mike did. She nodded at his promise that he would always be there, knowing full well that he meant it just as much as she did. There were some promises they couldn’t keep, but they would both do everything they could to do so, and that was all they could do in their situation. Their bloody horrible, sad, heartbreaking situation. And just when she thought her heart couldn’t break anymore, the next thing Mike said made her feel like all that was left was crumbling to pieces. “Oh, Mike,” she moved one of her own hands to his cheek, wiping away a tear gently. “Mike you have nothing to be sorry for. You’ve been so wonderful.” Penny’s voice choked up again at the realization that she would not get to keep seeing him be the amazing father she knew he would be. But she forced herself to keep talking, to hold Mike’s gaze intently so he could not doubt she meant what she was saying. “You could never let me down. You would have been an amazing dad.”