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Doe didnât believe Penny was sorry at all and maybe it was the wine but she didnât mind that at all. Even if she did in fact mind the suggestion Penny had made about Davey. Ugh. âShut up,â she said with a laugh, tossing a cauldron cake at Penny when she started teasing Doe. Her smile faded when Penny got serious. Things had been so bad she didnât blame Penny at all. She even felt a little bad about unloading all this stupid Davey crap on her. Or had till Penny started talking. She was glad sheâd went ahead and did it. Doe leaned forward and gave Penny a half hug. âDonât you dare apologize! Youâve had real things to deal with. And as soon as I realized this was becoming a problem I called you. Because thatâs what we do, we call each other in when we need to. Tragedies and a soon-to-be husband doesnât change that.â Maybe sheâd needed that reminder too since sheâd been reluctant to bother Penny with this. But she didnât want them to get all sad, especially not when they were drinking. âNot even terrible advice about Gryffindors can change that,â she added, teasing again. âDonât think Iâm not on to you trying to get me to shag a Gryffindor. Maybe I should be grateful itâs not someoneâs twin.â Though if she had to shag a Gryffindor sheâd choose Matt over Davey any day.
âOi!â Penny laughed louder when Doe tossed the cauldron cake at her, retaliating simply by picking it up and taking a big bite. Merlin, it was nice to goof around again, but Penny didnât want that to let her lose sight of the more important things. That she hadnât been there for Doe lately the way she should have. But of course Doe didnât blame her for it, and Penny had to swallow past the lump forming in her throat as she hugged Doe back. Pushing back the thoughts that still lingered just in the back of her mind, threatening to push forward at any moment, but Penny forced them aside and listening to Doe made that easier. âGood. Iâm glad you did.â She pulled back and smiled at Doe, glad that her best friend was something in her life that was a constant right now. And glad Doe brought them back to teasing before things could get too serious. Penny laughed. âOi! Iâm just saying, those McKinnons really know what theyâre doing. At least mine does.â Penny couldnât help grinning widely at Doe. âSadly for you, though, Mattâs seeing someone now. But I still say if youâre looking for some fun you should go for a Gryffindor,â she teased.Â
Oh bloody hell! Doe was either going to barf or have an aneurysm. Hate sex was definitely the only type of sex sheâd have with someone like Gudgeon but it wasnât her thing. At all. Nor was Gudgeon. Ugh. âIf you keep this up Iâm going to lose my wine,â Doe moaned. She couldnât believe that Penny would go there. That McKinnon had fried her brain. âYeah I donât want to shag Davey,â she added to make sure that Penny knew that shagging Davey wasnât happening. âI think I pick finding a bloke. Early mornings just arenât my thing while I have to deal with late nights.â Something she knew Penny would understand. Even if she was still having weird delusions about Doe shagging Davey. A ridiculous idea that was now stuck in her head. Doe was certainly going to be sick. Quickly she downed the rest of her wine. âI canât believe you would put such a disgusting thought in my head, Penny. Honestly!â She wasnât really upset at Penny just her disgusting idea. âThanks for the laugh though. I guess I needed that.â Doe poured herself another glass of wine and offered to top Pennyâs glass up.
Penny couldnât help but let out another laugh when Doe threatened to lose her wine. Her suggestion had been a real one, but despite how quick Doe was to reject it it was nice to just laugh about something with her best friend. It felt like it had been way too long since theyâd last done that, so she just chuckled and nodded when Doe went with picking a bloke to shag. That ought to do her some good, at least. "Good choice,â she agreed, taking another sip of her wine and nearly choking on it when Doe spoke again. Another laugh spilling past her lips. âSorry!â She grinned at her best friend, not sorry at all. âHeâs got you awfully worked up, though, you never know,â she couldnât resist teasing. âHappy to help,â she chuckled, nodding at Doeâs offer to fill up her wine glass before she let her expression become slightly more serious. âBut -- really, I am happy to help. Even if all I can do is listen and give you bad ideas.  I donât think Iâve been a very present friend lately, and Iâm sorry about that.â Penny may have had a lot going on in her own life, but that was no excuse for not being there when Doe needed her. If anything, she needed to be even more so if she was going to move on from what happened -- and she finally felt like she was beginning to do that.
Pennyâs careful words of âdonât get madâ had Doe looking at her warily. And apparently for good bloody reason. Shag him!?!?!? What the bloody hell? Since getting made wasnât an option Doe laughed. That was bloody ridiculous. âMerlin, Penny! What the hell has that McKinnon bloke done to you. Shag him? I mean okay Iâm in need of a good shag, I will not deny that one at all. And getting one would probably help the stress level. But Davey Gudgeon? Are you freaking serious?â This was like some bad dream. Penny wanted her to shag the bloke that was irritating her to no end. She could just see that going swell. âHeâd probably glare at me the whole bloody time because that seems to be the only facial expression he has. And there is no chance that Davey Gudgeon would be a good shag, at all! I want to hex him not fuck him.â Honestly what the hell did her and Mike do? The idea was so ludicrous she couldnât stop laughing about it. He wasnât even hot or have a job that made him not being hot not an issue. Sheâd sooner shag Cene or a bloody McKinnon then she would Davey. The only people who would come lower than Davey in ranking to shag were Death Eaters.
Okay. Doe was laughing. Which, given what Penny had just suggested, was actually not the worst reaction she could have gotten. âOi!â Penny couldnât help retorting, letting out a laugh of her own when Doe brought Mike into it. Though maybe she had a fair point, given that before Mike Pennyâs sex life had been quite a bit tamer. She hadnât known what she was missing out on, and while a hate shag wasnât something sheâd ever done herself maybe one could do Doe some good. At the very least seeing Doe laugh about anything was a good start, after seeing how worked up she was. She laughed again when Doe said Davey would just glare at her during sex, biting back a comment about her apparently even giving the idea a sliver of thought. Instead she shrugged when Doe was finally finished. âWhat? Iâm just saying thereâs obviously a lot of tension between you two, and since you canât avoid him...â She shrugged again. âIâve heard hate sex is pretty hot,â she added with a mischievous grin and waggled her eyebrows, this time completely teasing. Okay, mostly teasing. âBut if you donât wanna shag Davey maybe finding another bloke to shag would help you de-stress. Or early morning runs?â As if either of them could afford to lose more sleep, but stress didnât help with sleep either so maybe it would be a wash.Â
Dorcas laughed at Pennyâs question. âYes, I do think heâd take any opportunity to tell his buddy what a bitch I am.â And frankly Doe really didnât appreciate everyone âCene and Penny that was â acting as though Doe was crazy to say that. Davey was a huge arse of course heâd bad mouthed her to Josh. Had probably jumped on it first thing. She nearly laughed again at Pennyâs answer about Moody. âWhich he is apparently still pissed at me for. Can you believe that? He was showing off in my class and Iâm the bitch just because I noticed it? I didnât even call him out on it. Instead I get him into the bloody Order and all I get is him complaining again about me being a bitch.â Doeâs tone gave away how much Davey was getting under her skin and it bugged her even more. âI wish I could just hex his tongue to the roof of his mouth and all this would be so much better.â Worlds better. Pennyâs question had her frowning. She didnât know. âI donât know. I guess maybe because he keeps on. Like he canât even be civil. Most people are like youâre being a bitch and thatâs it. They say their piece, I call them an arse, itâs done. We find a way to work together if need be. But heâs glaring at me in class, heâs acting like Iâm personally offending him in training. Thereâs no working together with him. If anything it feels like heâs working against me.â And Doe could have stopped there but nope. âHe wonât let it go that I called him out about showing off in class and figured out his big huge secret,â insert eye roll because he wasnât hiding it very well, âOr that I had the audacity to try and keep him from getting himself hurt that night in Diagon. Because wow what a bitch for not wanting someone to get hurt, right?â Another eye roll because he was a baby. âI donât think Iâve ever met anyone as irritating and we had bloody Gilderoy Lockhart in our house.â
Penny just winced slightly at Doeâs quick answer to her question, not at all doubting her friend but sorry to hear that all the same. Especially to hear how much Davey talking about her was clearly getting to Doe. That sort of thing was something sheâd always been quick to brush off, but maybe because Josh was a reporter it was different. Or maybe it was Davey that was different, strange a thought to entertain as that was. But Merlin, it was becoming more and more clear the longer Doe spoke just how much Davey had gotten to her. If anything, it was beginning to sound more and more like Doe actually cared what Davey thought of her. But that wasnât like Doe at all. And Davey Gudgeon was practically the opposite of her type, so there was really no reason at all he should be getting to her. Except he was, obviously he was. âBloody hell,â was the only answer Penny could manage at first, her mind reeling as she tried to make sense of everything Doe was saying. All she was certain of was that Davey Gudgeon was driving Doe up the wall. âMaybe....â She began tentatively, eyeing Doe for a minute as she decided whether she really wanted to go there or not. Problem was Penny didnât really know where else to go at this point. âOkay, donât get mad,â she began carefully, trying to think up the best way to word what she was about to say. âBut...look, Iâve never seen anyone get to you this much, and since avoiding him isnât an option....maybe you just need to shag him. Get him out of your system, you know?â Whatever was going on there was clearly a lot of tension building between the two, and there were only so many ways that could be done away with.Â

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âNothing, heâs just writing an article about the class.â Josh hadnât done anything. Doe was just flipping out. Flipping out because of Davey. This was all Daveyâs fault. âHe was in class tonight and of course Davey was bad mouthing me to him. Because thatâs all heâs capable of.â Of course she needed time off, they all needed time off. Penny was still talking though and honestly she was right. Doe did need time away from Davey. She needed a lifetime away from Davey. But she couldnât ask Penny that. Penny had so much on her plate. Everything with the baby and now a wedding to plan.âThanks, Penny. But I canât ask you to do that.â There was also a little bit of Doe that felt like Davey would like Penny much better and sheâd be a failure. A failure because she couldnât train him. Failure didnât sit well with Doe. âMoody knows we donât get along. Why did he stick me with Davey? Thereâs so many other people he could have chosen.â Doe took another drink of wine, at this rate she was going to have to open another bottle. âI have to figure out a way to deal with him, Penny.â
âOh.â Josh was writing about Doeâs classes. That was interesting, and Penny could certainly see how something like that would be stressful. Of course Doe wanted her classes to come across favorably. But -- then they were back to Davey again. Okay. Penny frowned. âDo you really think he would do that?â Penny couldnât help asking, not doubting Doe but genuinely curious. She didnât know Davey well, but bad mouthing the classes he was apparently still going to to a reporter sounded like an awfully stupid thing to do. A small smile and a nod was Pennyâs only answer when Doe didnât accept her offer to help. She knew that Doe knew it was genuine, as much as Penny had going on right now, and she knew Doe would take it if she wanted it. She could even understand why Doe wouldnât want to, even though clearly Davey was getting to her in a way that Penny had frankly never seen before. âI dunno, Doe...â Penny began, shaking her head because she had no idea why Moody did half the things he did. âMaybe because youâre the one who figured out the whomping willow didnât actually damage his brain?â She offered with a light shrug. It was the best she could think of, that Doe had already managed to see something in Davey even if they ended up getting along horribly. But she didnât know what to tell Doe about how to deal with him. âYou will, Doe,â Penny offered her reassurance before she fell quiet for a moment, taking a sip of her own wine. âBut....normally this sort of thing wouldnât get to you. What is it about Davey?
Doe gave her a grateful smile. Though she wasnât sure she believed her friend this time. She didnât say that though, instead reaching in and getting herself a cauldron cake. Doe wished it was something she could take to Moody but it wasnât. âMoody knows! And itâs notâŚ. Heâs rude, oh bloody hell is he rude! But he does the work. Itâs just his attitude is soâŚannoying. I have to tell him what heâs doing wrong, or how else will he learn. But does he have to act like a petulant child every single time? Like Iâm insulting his entire family or something by daring to suggest he actually needs to work on things. And then heâs at almost every class glaring at him. There is such a thing as too much of someone and let me tell you I am getting way too much of Davey Gudgeon in my bloody life. Just one freaking day without his bloody dark cloud hanging over everything would be nice. Ya know? Heâs driving me insane. And now Iâve got stupid Josh Aubrey to deal with. Who is of course great friends with Davey. Just hex me now.â This was too much. Doe took another large drink of wine.
Wow. Davey Gudgeon had really gotten to Doe. Heâd really, really gotten to her. And it was hard for Penny to understand exactly why that was. From what Doe was saying he sounded like he was being a brat, there was no doubt about that. But someone not liking her -- even giving her a hard time -- was not something that Doe had ever let get to her before. Certainly not from someone whose opinion shouldnât matter at all. Penny respected Davey, was glad to have someone else on their side, but at the end of the day he was hardly someone who ought to be able to get into Doeâs head. Which was exactly what he seemed to have done. Penny listened with concern as Doe vented, taking a sip of her own wine as she tried to process what could possibly be going on aside from Doe simply being overworked. And maybe it was that simple. Davey and his apparently constant, irritating presence was just the last straw. And -- âJosh?â Okay. That was random. "What did he do?â Josh always seemed nice. Sadly unmotivated, perhaps, but a familiar presence whenever the McKinnons had parties and someone Mike and Matt both got on well with. âMaybe you just need some time off,â Penny dared to suggest, quickly tacking on, âJust from Davey, I mean.â More than that would probably do all of them a lot of good, but they had to take what they could get. âI could train him for a bit, if you want?â
Doe wasnât sure what was wrong with her. Other then she was sorely in need of a break. She was cracking that was what was wrong with her. The stress was finally killing her. Better than a Death Eater or something. She couldnât go on like this. She needed to talk to her best friend. Maybe Penny would help her hex Davey. Bloody hell. Doe got out the glasses and wine and waited for Penny to arrive. Answering the door with a grateful look at her best friend. âThank you. I really need a girls night in.â Or a curse to the head Doe wasnât sure which. âIâve already go the wine poured.â Doe led the way to the sofa where the wine was waiting. âGlad you bought cauldron cakes. I think I needed those too.â Eating junk food wasnât something she did often, reserving it for times like this. âI think Iâm finally cracking, Penny. Iâve actually let Daveyâs poor attitude get to me. I donât care that he thinks Iâm a bitch but it bothers me so much that he just wonât let it go and get over it. I canât train him!â Wow she wanted to get to the point but that was a little much. Fuck. Doe took a big gulp of wine.
âOf course,â Penny answered Doe with a warm smile when her friend opened the door, feeling that same pang of guilt sheâd felt when she received Doeâs owl. It was a long process, returning to normal after what happened that day in headquarters, but that was no excuse for not realizing just how stressed Doe had become lately. Penny had noticed that her best friend looked strained, but she hadnât realized just how bad it had become until she got Doeâs owl. And apparently it was worse than sheâd thought. âDonât worry, Iâve got plenty.â Yep, the cauldron cakes had been a good decision, and the least she could do to make up for being a less than great friend as of late. But she didnât get a chance to say that, barely settling down onto the sofa before Doe was cutting right to the chase. ....And the chase was Davey Gudgeon? Okay. ...Okay. That was...weird. Penny knew Doe hadnât been getting on with him. She knew that feeling seemed to be very much mutual. But she hadnât realized just how much it was getting to Doe. The fact that it was getting to Doe at all was something of a shock, especially given that they were talking about a former Gryffindor who still worked as a shop clerk at Quality Quidditch Supplies. That was not the type of person that got to Doe. Certainly not the kind of person who made Doe claim she couldnât do something. Penny frowned, taking a moment to process before she spoke. âFirst of all, Doe, you can do anything,â Penny gave her friend a smile, because she truly believed that. And Doe did, too -- sheâd just lost sight of that. ...Because of Davey. Penny opened the small box of cauldron cakes sheâd brought and offered it to Doe before she started trying to dig a little deeper. âIs he rude to you? Does he not listen to what youâre saying? If heâs not cooperating I donât think youâd be out of line going to Moody. Itâs your job to train, not babysit.â
Penny,
You, me, and a bottle of wine, tonight? Sound good?
Doe
Doe,
Sounds perfect. Iâll bring cauldron cakes.
Penny.
Mike turned and kissed her hand at her words, murmuring, âI love you,â into her palm. Merlin he was a lucky bloke, Penny was a special one. The fact that it had taken him so long to realize that was a joke. He really wished heâd have paid attention sooner. But he had her now and that was all that mattered. Her words had him smiling into their kiss. âNot happening, love. Iâll let you get away with a thrown together quickie in your parentsâ village of a backyard but no eloping. Youâre getting a wedding.â Even though Mike would have loved to just pick her up and carry her off to get hitched that night, what a grand adventure that would be, he felt as though she might regret that. Not marrying him just not marrying him properly in front of her family with the dress and the suits. All the trappings that went with weddings. It was a bugger to wait but he knew how much his mother cherished her wedding album and he didnât want to deprive Penny of an album full of pictures of them and their families all over dressed and slightly drunk. âWeâll have the wedding and then one hell of a party after. Itâll be great.â He was certain of that, there were too many people who would help make sure it was for it not to be.
A soft hum sounded in Pennyâs throat when Mike murmured against her palm, warmth filling her up from head to toe. Love had never been something sheâd sought out, never something she ever thought would be more important than her own plans and her own dreams. Sheâd never realized it could only make those things better, never realized how much she was missing out on until she found Mike. And Merlin, theyâd taken their time realizing everything they needed was feet away from them. Maybe that was why their relationship had progressed so quickly, so naturally. There was no part of her left that doubted the strength of how much they loved each other, and Mikeâs words only proved her right. She let out a sheepish chuckle at his insistence on a wedding, nodding without protest. If Mike wasnât jumping at the opportunity to run off and get married today, Penny knew it wasnât because he didnât want to. It was for her, and she loved him all the more for it. There seemed to be no end to how much she could love Mike McKinnon. âIt will be,â she agreed, leaning close to kiss him again. âI love you so much, Mike,â she whispered when she pulled back, amazed at how lucky she was to have him. Everything should have felt perfect. And it almost did, except for the glaring absence she could never seem to shake from her mind for too long. Mike was all she needed, but only three weeks ago there had been something more. She couldnât help the way her smile saddened, and she wrapped her arms tightly around Mike as if she could ensure she would never lose him, too.Â

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Christmas and all the trappings that went with it were good things for both of them to focus on. A reminder that they were still alive, still together, still moving forward. It was harder now but they were still moving forward. Their lives irrevocably altered but that wasnât stopping them. There was comfort in that, even if at times he felt guilty for the steady onward movement. But ceasing their own lives because their child didnât get one wasnât the right way to mourn. He was relieved that Penny seemed to be on the same page as him on this.
For the first time since it happened Mike felt something other then drained and tired. He felt excited. Not for Christmas but for their wedding. Still it was a surprise when she said January. âAre you sure? This is gonna be your only wedding, love. I want it to be everything you want it to be. I donât want you to feel like you have to settle for a backyard quickie.â Mike would have been fine with just him, Penny, Matt, and the kids, maybe Meadowes for Penny. His mum wouldnât be but all he really needed out of a wedding was Penny and his twin standing by his side. But he knew Penny had wanted a real wedding. One with both of their families. Not that the backyard of her parents house wouldnât be a real wedding. Heâd been there, there was plenty of room in that backyard. Mike was pretty certain they could put a bloody village back there. And in a monthâs time a hoard of McKinnons might be descending on it. That was gonna be something to see.
Mikeâs question only made Penny that much more certain of her decision. She smiled, nodding and lifting a hand to caress his cheek. âIâm sure, love. Youâre everything I want.â There was nothing but certainty in her voice, because this was the one thing Penny did feel entirely certain of after everything theyâd been through. She wanted to be married to Mike, and all she cared about was that both their families could be there. The fact that he was so concerned with making sure the wedding was everything she wanted it to be only making her impossibly love him that much more. She cared about their families being there. About all of them meeting each other, and her and Mike sharing their love with them. To a lesser degree, she did care about the rest. About the dress, and the decorations, and the invitations. But those things were trivial. Those things were not at all worth putting off the wedding any longer, when waiting until January already seemed torturous. âI wish we could just get married right now,â she murmured, leaning forward to kiss him gently. âWe could just have a party for our families in January.â
âWe can go this weekend, before all the good ones are gone. Get a fresh one and some decorations. Start making ourselves some traditions.â As reluctant as he was to let go of the ones heâd started with his siblings only a few years ago he was ready to start some new ones with her. They were a family now, even without being married or the baby, the two of them were a family. New traditions would be good. And they wouldnât be leaving all their old ones behind, their families were still big parts of their lives. Just not central parts anymore. Â
Despite his brief thought about marriage that certainly wasnât where his mind was going at all with his flirty words. Her words had his smirk dissolving into a goofy grin. Merlin knew he was ready to marry her the moment heâd bought her engagement ring. Mike pulled her closer and gave her another kiss. âIâm tired of you not being married to me too. Probably be a bit hard to pull off for December. January?â Mike didnât think she meant that soon but he was ready. It wouldnât change anything since heâd moved in already but it would still be a nice thing to do. He couldnât help thinking that a wedding, along with all the inevitable Christmas parties, would be good for them both. Get them back in the swing of things. Besides he was ready to call her his wife. Maybe theyâd even be able to swing a honeymoon.
âPerfect.â Pennyâs smile widened at the way his words mirrored her own thoughts so perfectly, without her even having to say them aloud. It made her even more excited for their future together, despite the loss that still hung over them. They were partners, and they would get through this together.Â
A thought that was impossible not to believe when her straying from where heâd been going with his words earned her that goofy grin she loved so much. Her smile. Her own widened when he kissed her, the temptation to pull him back for another pushed aside only because she cared very much about what they were talking about. It surprised her, just how disappointed she was that he was probably right about having to wait until January. Before everything that had happened, sheâd been in a rush to get married but also eager to plan a great wedding. Now, that just didnât feel as important to her. Her and Mike, that was what mattered. That was all that mattered. âIâve sort of been thinking...what if  we do something small? My parentsâ yard is really nice. We could set up chairs, decorate a bit. Itâd be muggle friendly for both our families. Itâd be asking a bit much for them to make it here this month,â she admitted, though she wished that were not the case. âBut we could do it by January, I think. I wish I could just marry you right now,â she added with a smile, and she meant it. If they didnât both care so much about having their families there, she might have suggested they do so. But for their families, she could wait just a little while longer.
Penny smiled and Mike felt his own smile growing. There was a moment heâd been afraid she would never smile again. Either of them really, though her smile mattered more to him. As long as she was smiling he doubted heâd ever not be able to. As heavy as his heart still felt her smile made it feel much lighter.
Her laughter even more so he realized once again as it rang through their flat. Christmas? Fuck! When had it become December? The thoughts ran through his mind as he made his way to join her. He smiled as she talked, the realization that this was their first Christmas together hitting him. The past few months had been so intense heâd almost forgotten about how many firsts they still had. His smile faltered when herâs did and he gave her hand a squeeze but didnât say anything.
âWe always decorated a few days before the kids came home. That way we were ready for the parties,â he told her. Itâd be weird this year. No nearly falling off the roof with Matt trying to put up lights the way their dad did. Or maybe heâd still do that. They might want some help over there. âWe should definitely get a tree. And maybe a few more decorations. Thereâs not much here,â he laughed lightly at the odds and ends Penny had. âGotta do some Christmas shopping too. You got a list for Santa.â Mike couldnât resist turning the innocent question less innocent with a wink at Penny. This was their first Christmas together, and they both could do with a nice big shot of cheer so Mike was going to go all in on this, even if he was taken by surprise at the date.
There had been a time where Penny had also wondered if she would ever be able to smile again. There were still days when it felt like she wouldnât. But so long as she had Mike, it would be impossible for her never to smile, something heâd proven time and time again. Even when that ever-present grief found its way back to the front of her mind, a squeeze of his hand helped her push it aside once again.Â
Her smile came even easier as she listened to him tell her about his own familyâs traditions. Mike had become such an important, integral part of her life, it was hard to believe they hadnât spent every Christmas together. But they hadnât. This was their first, and there was something undeniably exciting about the thought of decorating their apartment, of picking out a tree together, of waking up next to him on Christmas morning. âMaybe,â she chuckled at her lack of decorations, nodding her agreement. It would be nice to do things up this year. They both needed it, and maybe doing it together could become a new tradition. Their tradition.Â
She laughed again when he winked at her, and Penny found herself wondering how sheâd ever doubted she would smile again when she was so lucky as to have Mike. âI can think of a few things,â she answered with a smirk, leaning a little closer to him. âHow about a date for the wedding?â she asked, her smile widening as she voiced what had been on her mind for the past few days. With everything that had happened -- not just their loss, but the initial surprise of the baby in the first place -- they had yet to set a date. Now that things were starting to settle down, Penny was keen on doing so. âIâm tired of not being married to you.â
For a long while Mike had measured time by when his siblings would be home for their school holidays. There had been a spell when there was nothing to measure, the kids were all home for good. The war continued. Time felt meaningless. Somewhere between their first hook up and finding out Penny was pregnant time had started feeling against him. As if he were racing his own hourglass. Then there was the moment when heâd heard it, the babyâs heartbeat. Suddenly time meant something and it was measured out in trimesters and other terms he barely understood.
In one night it had all been over. Not with smiles and a wriggling little bundle of âholy fuck what do I do with thisâ but with tears and loss written on every face. The word lost would be forever tied to the healerâs words, a thorn to his heart. Mike still didnât know how to handle this one. He wanted to make the person responsible pay except that wouldnât change anything. Wouldnât heal the holes in his and Pennyâs hearts.
Oddly enough while he still wanted them caught vengeance wasnât what was keeping him going. Instead it was a focus on what he still had, on the people he loved. Penny foremost in that naturally. It was that change of focus that had kept him from hunting Lupin down and demanding answers. Allowed him to put his faith in Moody and wait for answers. Had him telling his siblings to do the same.
Waiting was surprisingly exhausting as was dragging around grief. But all it took was a hello hug and kiss from Penny to make him feel righted once again. Mike wrapped his arms around her as he kissed her, his own relief to find her okay. He still hadnât shaken how close heâd come to losing everything. After the kiss ended he looked at her, gently brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. âHowâs my girl?â His smile turning into a confused look as he saw the boxes in their living room. Looking at her with a questioning look he picked the bags with their dinner back up to carry them into the kitchen, fully expecting her to tell him without him having to voice the question.
Penny sank into Mikeâs embrace, her worries and her grief disappearing for one blissful moment as she thought only about the fact that he was here, and in that instant that was all she needed. âBetter now,â she answered with a smile, memorizing his face even though she already knew it by heart. It was impossible to keep that persistent worry at bay for too long, and the only thing worse than losing Mike would be forgetting a single detail about him. Like that little crease that popped up between his eyebrows when he was confused.Â
A laugh fell from her lips as she moved back and looked over her shoulder, realizing the source of his confusion. âTheyâre Christmas decorations,â she told him, moving to the boxes while he set down their dinner and then motioning for him to join her. âOnly Iâve just realized theyâre mostly just ornaments and a few odds and ends my mum gave me when I moved in,â she told him with a sheepish smile. Penny enjoyed Christmas decorations, but she was always far too busy to give them too much thought -- especially when sheâd always spent the holiday at home with her family, even after she graduated.Â
âIâm usually awful about remembering to put anything up, but I had some time and I thought it might...lighten things up.â Her smile faltered, there, as the sadness inevitably crept its way back into her thoughts. She tried to ignore it. âSuppose weâll have to get a tree.â
Three weeks. It had been exactly three weeks since the inferi attacked headquarters, and the unthinkable happened. Three weeks that had stretched on like years -- or maybe it had only been minutes. Time felt stretched out and blurred and wrong, because it felt like her world should have stopped that day.Â
But it hadnât. And as hard as it was to get up every day, it was slowly starting to get easier. Not easy, not yet. Maybe never. But easier. Penny and Mike were not alone, nor had it ever felt that way for a moment. They didnât just have each other; their families, their friends, and even their fellow Order Members had all been incredibly supportive, and it helped more than she would probably ever be able to express.Â
It just wasnât enough, not to fill the hole that had been wrenched into her heart. The best she could do was to carry on like normal and hope one day she could actually feel it. A difficult task in and of itself when half of her wanted to throw herself into work wholeheartedly and the other half wanted to stay in her bed, curled up with Mike forever, and never face the world again.Â
But that wouldnât do. Penny had never been the type to give up, and it was maybe sheer force of will alone that had her still going through the motions as best she could. If she kept busy, it was easier to succumb to the grief that still pressed down on her shoulders. That was harder when Mike was not around, but today she busied herself with rooting around the apartment for some old boxes of Christmas decorations. It was December, and maybe the change of scene and a bit of festivity would do them some good.Â
Relief coursed through her when she heard the door open, the lingering effects of a fear she would likely never shake, not now that the worst had actually happened. âHi babe,â she greeted him with a smile, moving quickly to the door to kiss him hello, unable to keep some of her relief from creeping into their kiss. It was impossible not to wonder, now, when it might be the last time she got to do it.Â

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His free hand automatically moved to try and brush her tears away. It killed him to see her so upset and know there was nothing he could do. No way to ease the pain. Wasnât even sure if time could do that. Her words felt like he was being stabbed. âLove, please. Itâs not your fault. You would have been the best mother,â he told her softly, choking up a little on the words. It was too soon to think of doing it again. The pain too fresh to imagine a time when it wouldnât be. âIâm always going to be there, always.â In light of everything that wasnât a promise he could really make. But it was one heâd do everything in his power to keep. âIâm sorry it took me so long to get onboard. It wasnât you or the blob. I was scared of letting you both down,â Mike had trouble getting the truth out without starting to cry again because he felt like heâd done just that. âOf leaving you alone.â He still couldnât believe that their blob had been the one to do just that, to leave them both. It just wasnât right. Wasnât fair. He knew life wasnât fair but it didnât stop him from being angry and sad over it. Didnât stop the feeling that his heart was broken even though Penny was still with him. Had she not been he was certain it would be smashed completely. Mike leaned down and kissed her again, grateful she was still there, not hurt worse than sheâd been.Â
At the same time that Mikeâs voice broke, another soft sob fell from Pennyâs lips. Mother. Something she would never be, at least not anytime soon. It was too painful to think about the possibility of trying that again. Still his words meant a lot, and she only hoped that eventually she might be able to believe them. For now, it was good enough that Mike did. She nodded at his promise that he would always be there, knowing full well that he meant it just as much as she did. There were some promises they couldnât keep, but they would both do everything they could to do so, and that was all they could do in their situation. Their bloody horrible, sad, heartbreaking situation. And just when she thought her heart couldnât break anymore, the next thing Mike said made her feel like all that was left was crumbling to pieces. âOh, Mike,â she moved one of her own hands to his cheek, wiping away a tear gently. âMike you have nothing to be sorry for. Youâve been so wonderful.â Pennyâs voice choked up again at the realization that she would not get to keep seeing him be the amazing father she knew he would be. But she forced herself to keep talking, to hold Mikeâs gaze intently so he could not doubt she meant what she was saying. âYou could never let me down. You would have been an amazing dad.âÂ