peej

If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last 6 years it’s you’ll never run out of problems to deal with.

Just do you. Do whatever you can for yourself to be okay. Take care of YOURSELF, your body, your mind. That’s how you start to deal with living with depression and anxiety and any other thing you’re dealing with. You have to be able to put yourself first. Your mental health. Your physical health. It’s easy to choose those close to you to be there for. BE THERE FOR YOU FIRST AND FOREMOST. Be the example of the things you want for those close to you. So you don’t take your own advice? Start taking it. It’s fucking difficult as all hell but it makes all the difference when you start to. Keep doing it. If it’s the only thing you do. Getting out of bed every day is fucking hard but the second you do take care of you and after you do that then everything else comes. Wake up early FOR YOU. Get your sleep FOR YOU. Decide on you and everything else will start to come I promise I promise I promise. Look through my post history and see that I’ve gotten through it and have managed to decide to life for myself. I promise you that you are capable and I am so grateful I wasn’t successful in taking my own life because I’m seeing the results of figuring out how to live my issues and Illnesses and it gives that perspective of hope and realization that YOU are fucking capable of everything you believe you’re not.

Go numb but not mean and that’s the balance I need

Being diagnosed with borderline at least let me figure out how to work on myself and honestly is a blessing. Any breakdown or episode that starts now I can stop but am I just bottling up emotions or actually rationalizing and that’s the hard part. Am I just building up for something awful or improving?

It hurts. But I can’t figure out what it is anymore.