Pearls of Consciousness

In a few of my last posts I talked about how I had hard time realizing how real this pregnancy was. The first ultrasound definitely helped, seeing a little jelly bean or ‘frijolito’ in there. However, nothing made it even more real than hearing the heartbeat. Listen to the story here.

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I watched The Business of Being Born at a friend's home about 4 years ago. It was quite eye opening, full of information on the history of hospitalized births and an alternative way to think about giving birth. At home.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DgLf8hHMgo

I highly recommend you watch this film, which can be found on Netflix or Amazon Instant Video so you can learn all the ways in which midwifery and women’s birthing experiences have been hijacked by hospitals, doctors, and insurance companies.

What I’ve learned after years of my own personal research is that many women are robbed of an empowering experience where they can truly sense for themselves how to give birth. This is caused by ignorance, a lack of self-awareness and a health care system that was built to treat the sick rather than help prevent any sickness and illness from happening in the first place. For instance, whenever I get sick, I immediately think I need to see a doctor. I go in naively thinking they will take good care of me but every time I go to urgent care they tell me to just take a Tylenol. Sometimes, they don’t even know what to diagnose me with which is so frustrating. ‘You’re supposed to help me!!!’ I think. ‘You’re supposed to advise me on how to treat this and make sure it doesn’t happen again, giving me as much knowledge as possible.’ I go in thinking I’m going to be cared for inside and out, only to leave feeling like they just slapped a bandaid on me. I could’ve just stayed home and saved myself some time, stress and money. They probably could’ve investigated my lifestyle and nutrition trying to find out what could’ve made my immune system so vulnerable to prevent this from happening again, but they didn’t and they don’t. It would just take too much time and effort on their part and really, I should probably be more aware of how I take care of myself on a day to day basis. Unfortunately, that’s the kind of culture that we live in nowadays. We don’t practice healthy lifestyles and we’re viewed as helpless patients, but not helpless enough to get proper holistic care. We simply treat the symptom but don’t actually get to the root of the problem.

When I first began my research I immediately blamed doctors and nurses for what seemed to be apathetic, methodical care that had no human connection. But it’s not necessarily that they don’t care about you and are just being selfish when it comes to caring for you. A lot of times they don’t even know about the negative effects their practices have. They were trained in a system that left out a lot of holistic care knowledge and most of the time, medical practitioner’s choices are based on liability issues.

Other than watching the film and doing research on my own, my mother and aunts have told me numerous stories of how they feel doctors don’t trust women. My mom shared a story with me about the time she was giving birth to my brother. She knew he was about to come out yet she was told by a nurse to wait until the doctor got there. My aunts and her laugh as she retells the story saying, “You can’t make a baby wait! They’re crazy! When a baby is going to come out, they’re going to come out!” One of my aunts says the ratio of doctors to birthing moms is ridiculous. “When I was giving birth to J, there were 6 other women giving birth at the same time with only two doctors to attend us,” shares my aunt. Luckily, there are wonderful nurses who aid the women in doing what they need to do to have the best birth, like my mom being advised by one nurse to stand in the shower to help the contractions. But overall, women are not allowed to fully get comfortable in a hospital in whichever way they feel is best, like choosing their birthing position, controlling the noise level, having personal space, and not having to deal with numerous unnecessary check ups that don’t let the mom rest and relax into her birth.

So much of giving birth in a hospital is based on fear.  This fear leads to a series of unfortunate events. Fear that the baby isn’t coming soon enough, therefore the mama’s gotta get induced. Fear that it’s gonna hurt too much, therefore mama has to get an epidural. Fear that the doctor can’t get the baby or help the mother during delivery if she’s in some odd position, therefore, mama’s gotta lie down on her back (which is the most inconvenient and least comfortable position giving birth). Fear that baby is taking too long therefore you gotta get a c-section. One intervention leads to another. Next thing you know, you’re far from having that wonderful, natural birth you originally hoped for.

As far as cesarean sections, rates have risen tremendously over the years now taking up to a third of births in the US, most being first time moms. And one of the unfortunate things, is that most of these surgical procedures, along with fear, are driven by money. NPR wrote an awesome article about this last year.

Now, if a woman ends up having a c-section, it’s understandable. No need to judge or hold resentments. Sometimes they just aren’t informed well and are in an environment full of pressure in a time where their mind is only focused on the pain they are feeling and the thought of getting the baby out! Trying to expedite this experience makes sense, given we live in a culture where we think of this “pain” in a negative and fearful way. We think of it as something we should not be feeling, but if you think about the transformation your body is going through to help this baby come in to the world, then you are definitely going to feel something intense! It’s all about how you train your mind to internalize it. Also, sometimes women truly need the c-section to prevent any harm to her or the baby (like a breeched birth, although there are numerous ways to try to encourage the baby to get into the right position before birth AND there’s also the crazy idea that some babies can safely be delivered breeched but that’s another story); however, c-sections are nowhere needed as much as they are performed. And if you’re a first time mom who gets a c-section, you are then highly recommended, even told, that you must have a c-section on the rest of your births for fear of tearing where you had the incision, contributing more and more to the c-section rates. Only by being informed would you know that it is totally possible to have a vaginal birth after having a c-section.

A c-section is a serious surgery and should be a last resort. Just this year, the American College of Obstetricians and the Society for Maternal-Fetal Medicine released a set of guidelines urging doctors to be more patient before deciding on a cesarean delivery. Another wonderful NPR article explains this.

C-section or no c-section, epidural or no epidural, many mothers still have comfortable and beautiful birthing experiences at hospitals, but from what I’ve heard, read and watched, those experiences are only heightened at home.

Yes sometimes complications may occur, but that’s any birth. If there is any indication of complications, midwives address that ahead of time and if there is no early indication, say something unusual happens the day of, they are then rushed to a hospital like any other situation. It is planned ahead of time. Realizing that it’s not an absolute necessity to have a birth at a hospital helped me come to the decision that a home birth was for me. I think, ‘if I can have a much more peaceful and comfortable birth at home where I am in control, why not?’

There are many benefits to having a home birth that I never thought of. Some of these include being in the midst of my own germs, therefore, being less likely to get sick or getting some kind of infection; not feeling pressured to take an epidural which can cause a number of complications; less unnecessary interventions; being able to give birth in whatever position I feel comfortable in (and yes, there are many); doing whatever I need to do to ease the pain; on demand care (no waiting on the doctor to get there and having them leave immediately for a birth next door); being in control of what I want; and of course, being in the comfort of my own home! Plus, the care you get with a midwife is phenomenal! They not only check on your baby when you meet with them, but they also make sure you are doing everything you can so you can confidently look forward to the best possible birth.  It’s so uniquely catered to you! Beginning with nutrition, your emotional and spiritual state of being and really addressing your concerns, you set yourself up for a series of ‘fortunate’ events that lead you to have a peaceful and empowering birth.

Choosing a homebirth, I know I will be able to listen to my body and be trusted with my needs and wants rather than being told to do something that goes against my gut. There are some generalizations about what’s going on during the birthing time, but every woman’s body is different and we KNOW how to give birth even if it’s the very first time. Our bodies were designed to give birth, just like animals. Have you ever seen a dog or a cat give birth for the first time? You’d think she got trained ahead of time when you see how she gives birth, how she licks her babies clean and then preps them to breastfeed. She looks like she knows what she’s doing, like she’s done this before. It is truly fascinating. I know humans have their differences from animals, but giving birth is truly an animalistic experience (from what I’ve heard at least), not just a physical, spiritual and emotional one. So with that, I feel comfortable trusting my own body. With the help of some experts and months of preparation, I am confident I’ll know what to do.

My overall thinking is, women have had natural, vaginal home births for thousands of years. That’s why we’re all here today, right! And yes of course, many women have also died giving birth naturally in the past. That’s why it’s important to identify what pregnancies are at risk (which again, can be typically diagnosed beforehand) and prevent mamas from dying while giving birth as a whole. Hospitalized births should be the exception though, not the rule. If the woman has no serious illness or conditions or any sort of reason to think her birth may not go so well, than there is no need to be in a fear-based and sometimes chaotic environment.

Some women though may prefer that environment; they might feel safer and in all fairness, a woman should give birth wherever she feels the safest. As for me, I feel safer at home. After years of doing my own independent research and searching for what I think is best for me and my child, I have come to the conclusion that a home birth is the way to go.

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The Monday after finding out I was pregnant, I looked for an OB like crazy! I hadn’t gone to an OB/GYN in years. Not a fan of doctors, unless I’m dying and need to go to urgent care, which even then I’m not much of a fan but you know, sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures.

Anyway, as I was calling OB/GYN after OB/GYN to schedule an appointment just about everyone I talked to told me they didn’t find it necessary for me to see an OB so soon. They thought I was being silly. Apparently, doctors don’t like to see you until after you’re 8 weeks into your pregnancy in case of a miscarriage, which I personally found to be a little ridiculous. Just having to wait if something that you weren’t completely sure of was actually going to be real or not would drive me nuts! If anything, then I would REALLY want to see an OB if I was at risk. I’d want to know exactly what I needed to do or not do to prevent such thing from happening.

And I really didn’t know how far along I was in my pregnancy. Even by calculating my moon/cycle, I really wanted to have an OB tell me, “yes you’re pregnant. And this is how many weeks you are.” I honestly don’t know how much accurate their answer was in comparison to the one I got from the store-bought pregnancy test, but for my own mind’s sake that’s what I needed.

I finally found an OB that could see me within a week. I was relieved. We would soon get the official word.

DJ and I both went on a Friday morning. We were sooo nervous and excited. But really, all I was gonna do was pee in a cup and wait for them to tell me whether I was pregnant or not, which I was pretty upset about. I really wanted to speak with an OB to ask questions. Luckily, they calculated my cycle and figured I was far along enough to meet with an OB. Thank goodness!

The obstetrician was super sweet and was even able to do an ultrasound, which was a little uncomfortable as it is done “differently” than the one done in the second trimester. All you mamas know what I’m talking about right? I told myself I didn’t want to do too many ultrasounds, but this was definitely one I needed, again for extra confirmation. Could a girl not get confirmed enough? Haha…

Well, we were able to see our little jelly bean for the first time.

Was that really our baby?! Woah! We couldn’t believe it! The OB told us I was 7 weeks which made it possible to see such a tiny little thing. We were so happy. The joy streamed out of me in tears.

After we found out about the little human within my womb, many thoughts crossed our minds!! Mine of course were trying to fathom whether this was real. Although the pregnancy stick confirmed my suspicions, it was still hard to accept how true this was. It was just me and DJ for three years, plus the little animals that became a part of our family over the years. We’d always joke about how those were the grandkids. We took them everywhere with us! At one point, when we took them to a friend’s gathering, one of them told us, “Really? You brought the dogs! -_- Can’t you ever leave them home?” Haha…yes, we are those kind of people with our animals. :) We couldn’t leave them home. Especially in our small apartment we had in downtown Phoenix at the time.

We try our best to be good “caretakers.” And now, there will be a new little being taking the “front seat” so to speak.

But other than thinking of how our life was going to change, the biggest reason I had a hard time realizing how real this was, was because there was no growth in my body, although I most certainly felt the symptoms. I didn’t throw up during my first trimester but I did feel fatigue. That was the biggest thing I had to deal with! I would come home from work and just had enough energy to eat before I crashed out, usually around 6 or 7pm! I was so used to staying up late that I got sooo bummed out about the small amount of time I had to do what I wanted to do before going to bed.

Turns out the reasons we feel the symptoms we do when we are pregnant is because our bodies are trying to get rid of all the toxins in our bodies to be able to provide a hospitable environment for the baby. So for me, my body was telling me I needed to rest!!! And most of my close friends and family know, Perla doesn’t rest. Sleep is good and I like it (sometimes you’d see me take a nap in the middle of the day for staying up so late), but I do think I subconsciously live by the phrase, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” And because of this motto, my body would shut down with no warning. I’d be talking to DJ on the couch and then out of nowhere, I’d be snoring almost. It was quite funny actually.

So for all the pregnant mothers out there, listen to your body, or it will force you to cooperate. :) If you’re feeling fatigue, let go and just sleep. Also, you might be low on iron and protein, which is what I later found out in addition to my lack of rest. If you’re feeling nauseous, eating small healthy meals throughout the day helps. I personally found this to be the best cure. As difficult as it may seem to eat anything when feeling nauseous, trust me, it works! Or make yourself some homemade ginger tea. Just slice a few ginger pieces and throw in a small pot of water set to boil, or drink from tea bags if that’s all you have energy for. I would advise you to stay away from “ginger ale.” I tried it myself because I thought it’s what would help me deal with the nausea, but it really didn’t help as much. Then I found out most ginger ales don’t really have any ginger in them. Just lots of sugar and artificial flavors. -_- ‘Really?’ I thought.  No wonder it wasn’t helping like I thought it would. I should’ve known better. However, there might be some more natural, organic ginger ales like Reed’s. I tried those and they tasted much stronger and I felt like they worked a little better (but really, the small meals trick worked the best). Here’s a great  blog post from Food Babe on how to make your own homemade ginger ale. She also shares facts about store bought ginger ales and why they’re no good. Wish I would’ve seen this when I needed it.

Also, I personally advise to stay away from any kind of pills for nausea or headaches. They typically just numb you and add more toxins in your body. Your body’s reacting the way it is because it’s trying to detox. So if you throw up, well…you just gotta let it happen. I feared throwing up and was so happy to pass my first trimester without throwing up albeit always feeling nauseous during the time. Then it happened during my second trimester after traveling from Phoenix to L.A. and eating a pork tamal once we arrived to our destination. I couldn’t even finish it and my body was already rejecting it. My body was telling me ‘no Perla! You gotta be careful about what you eat and how you treat your body.’ Trust the process and trust food. Real food is your medicine!

Although it sucks to feel all these unpleasant temporary illnesses, just remember, it’s temporary and with good care and mentally detaching from the feelings of wanting to control what’s happening to your body, you will feel much better. Some of these tips may work for you and some of them may not. Just learn to listen to your body. You know yourself best. Just don’t let yourself fall into denial. :) I finally had to accept that I was going to be sleeping anywhere from 8-12 hours a day! I was like a baby, preparing my body to bring in a baby of my own.

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Disclaimer: Another old blog post from April for some inspiration! 

In September I noticed my body feeling different. I wasn't sure what it was, but I just felt a different energy within me. Then I started to get symptoms that made me think I could possibly be pregnant. Summer 2013, my partner and I were falling even more in love with each other, and we weren't necessarily avoiding getting pregnant, so the chances of being pregnant were pretty high!! Hehe. Here is a conversation we had in December sharing our experience of what it was like finding out for ourselves this life changing news. 

You can listen to our story here. 

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