ok heres my big annotation / some things i loved about making this :)
The way you/me is used always to refer to ilya even when the you is either refering to his mother or his father “they found you” -> irina exists through him, the pain of that informs "half" of his decision making.
The way irina + his father are Both the "Halves" of ilya -> the half that causes harm, that acts terrible, that subjects people to his illness, vs the half that is weak, that is gentle, that shows his fear, that is at least partially pure + exposed + vulnerable
the way his ability to perpetuate violence is something he has to hold + contend with
the way he refuses view this ability as anything other than dangerous and terrible, but that doesnt mean hes gotten rid of it . he still sees it in himself
The way his connection to violence makes him view his gentleness as a wolf in sheeps clothing
the way shanes disconection from violence + makes him especially able view ilyas cruelty as a vessel for gentleness and care and pleasure
the way shanes view of ilya changes the way ilya views himself
the way shane seeing all of ilya and still being able to see him as gentle + worthy of trust makes ilya see Himself that way
The two sides of ilyas face + then staring straight on as a half his dad half his mom . Shane finding the value in his entirety. <- something just for me .
The way shane holding him is interspersed w ilya losing control in the exact way he fears would make him unfixable, shane can love that part of him too! does love that part of him "kiss the bad ways i have been"
the focus specifically on the Hands as both a way of perpetuating the violence he was taught but also the care . his hands shaking w alexei -> him rubbing shanes back
ellievsbear
theartofmadeline
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