crisis chat counselor jay

Surely the tall, battle hardened, scarred, hairy, rude, vulgar, disheveled, but loyal and ferocious knight I have sworn in as my maiden daughter’s personal guard would not dare to look upon her fairness and her his roguish ways and dare to defy the marriage arrangement I have put in place for her.

Alas! My maiden daughter!

Maiden might be the wrong word now

ads that will blow up your phone if you click on them

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

the panties hit the floor

you know it brother

this cat should offer acting lessons

straight people will never understand how therapeutic it is to hear the words “her girlfriend” or “his boyfriend” or how I ascend to heaven when I hear “her wife” and “his husband”

These two women came up to my register with their twins and they called each other honey and their kids called them both Mom and my soul ascended to the heavens i was so happy

When I worked as a contractor I knocked on a heavily pregnant woman’s door and she said she’d “have to talk to the missus” in a heeeeavy outback accent and I actually forgot how to speak for a second and had to explain that I’m not homophobic I’m just super gay and hearing her say that launched my souls directly to nirvana

old people were right putting ellipses after everything you say actually rules….