Think. Feel. Live.

I don't really know where else to say this, since I feel it has to be said but it's not something I feel I should say on Facebook lest it look like I'm wanting for attention. One of my good friends died. I don't really know how to process this loss, because until now the only deaths I've dealt with were family that were significantly older than I am, except my uncle who was young but that was when I was 8 so I had no idea how to process it anyway. Eric was somebody I talked to almost every day because we played League together. I'd never met him in person, because he lived in Texas, but it felt like we knew each other really well. Partly because we were very similar in a lot of ways, partly because neither one of us was the type to not share a good story even if it wasn't appropriate to share with people. He was a few years older than me, and I learned a few lessons from him talking about his mistakes. He was on psychoactive meds and had been drinking, so when he went to sleep after taking his pills he just didn't wake up. I'm still in shock. I want this to be some sort of sick joke. I want him back. I want to scream. I want to break stuff. I want to wail until my lungs give out and punch until my fists bleed. It feels like an injustice has been done, but I have nobody to be mad at, and I just don't know how to handle it.

And if you can’t see that, it’s your loss, not mine.