Hi I’m op of the twitter post. I was referencing this tumblr post I saw ages ago. I didnt expect it to blow up.
hi I’m the guy that made that post. Yours is funnier

titsay
$LAYYYTER
dirt enthusiast
Cosimo Galluzzi

blake kathryn
NASA

⁂
YOU ARE THE REASON
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Xuebing Du
Not today Justin
todays bird
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Misplaced Lens Cap

if i look back, i am lost

tannertan36
tumblr dot com

oozey mess

Janaina Medeiros
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@participlepotato
Hi I’m op of the twitter post. I was referencing this tumblr post I saw ages ago. I didnt expect it to blow up.
hi I’m the guy that made that post. Yours is funnier

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"dont smoke around your pets" okay well i dont even smoke im asthmatic. my dog smokes bc she needs to fucking chill sometimes and Yeah i light them for her Obviously bc she cant use a lighter. i dont get anyrhing out of this arrangment and i resent the implication. in fact shes giving ME secondhand smoke. so my question is why are you so hateful and jugemental and acting like an asshole to me making presumptions and shit about my life.
What. What. What. What.
im gonna pop some.tag
float like a butterfly (nervously forgets end of quote) green like a pea
This screenshot from a gardening Facebook group has been on my phone for several years and I'm not sure I'm ever going to be able to delete it. Apparently it comes from a British gardening book from the 80s. I know we all joke that the English are afraid of flavor, but I assure you, you are not prepared for this.
That last paragraph HAUNTS me. How am I supposed to sleep at night picturing Paul Hollywood — sobbing, hands trembling — alone in his kitchen, gingerly rubbing the edges of a salad bowl with a single clove of unskinned garlic, wondering if he will ever be brave enough to do the same to a roast chicken?
No wonder Dracula wanted to come to England
op disabled reblogs but i really wanted this post on my blog again

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when i was a kid my parents bought me an inflatable doll of the Scream by Edvard Munch (??) that was significantly taller than i was at the time and i used to slow-dance with it and pretend it was my boyfriend. It had its hands attached to its head obviously so it felt like he was always a bit horrified to be forced to dance with me
i didn't need no imaginary friends i had Screaming Joe right here !
I love this website I love it when people tell us what's wrong with them
there’s very few things that drive me up the wall in fandom as much as this weird new assumption that fandom is primarily a space for younger people that older folks are only accepted into in a trial basis if they promise to centralize and accommodate younger fans, and further, anything else is creepy and predatory. IT’S OKAY FOR ADULTS TO PRODUCE CONTENT FOR OTHER ADULTS.
if I have to read “women in their 30s” used as an insult one more time I swear I’ll - step away from that user and just hang out with the other grownups who consistently create good content because I’m also an adult and too busy comparing car insurance to fight with teenagers on the internet, but goddAMMIT I’ll be annoyed
I’ve been in this hole since yall lil shits were three apples tall and I’ll die in this hole too
for real tho it feels exhausting that ive seen this whole "woman should be allowed to abstain from X beauty standard" -> "i perform X beauty standard, am i evil? do you think im evil? please forgive me i came up with a dozen excuses 🥺" since like 2015 (and i know its been going on longer than that) like girl thats not the poiiiiint
look me in the eyes. repeat after me. "i face societal pressure to perform this beauty standard. i should not face that pressure. i conform to this standard. i am rewarded for performing to this standard. i need to respect women who do not perform this standard. this is not about whether or not i am a sinner for wearing makeup."
Spider-Man: MENACE
THANK YOU so many people have stolen/reposted this comic!
amazing would love more menace spidey
I want more superhero content where the heroes do stuff like this :D
I like to think spidey started to flip it and teased it like “oh! Oh! You better stop me! No? *tips more* oh your coffee spilled oh nooo!!” And then set it down upside down right as the cop ran up. The car isn’t destroyed, but like… this is clearly a problem. And all of this would have been avoided if the cop wasn’t being a prick.
correct
I hope my spider fucking book will hold universal appeal
[ID: A reply by @ theotherwesley that says: It will appeal to one man 10,000 times more than the average person, skewing the statistics somewhat. End ID]

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Is anyone else constantly bothered by the fact that all of a child's medical care is required to go through their parents? That they must rely on these people to decide when they do or don't need medical care?
No matter how injured. If a parent doesn't deem it necessary to see a doctor, it doesn't happen. Teachers can suggest a doctor visit, but unless it's a very acute injury (and even then), it's ultimately up to the parents.
You can be 13. Twisted, maybe broken ankle. You teacher lets you sit out in PE. She's concerned, and tells you to rest when you go home, and see a doctor. You get home, ur parents fill a bath and add some Epsom salts, and then laugh at you for using it moms old colorguard stick as a cane. Take some ibuprofen they say. It's just a little sprain, ur a kid.
You go to school the next day, go to ur office assistant time. Office calls ur mom to come get you, because you're clearly in too much pain for school. Your mom laughs when she gets you, says you just were so determined not to miss school. Scolds you for making the office ladies worry.
You never see a doctor for the injury.
Your parents come into the exam room at every visit. This does not stop with age, except for gynecologist. But your parents are on the medical release forms. They fill them out for you, with you. You do not get to take them off.
You never get to tell s doctor about the ankle. Even though it never quote healed right, and it hurts every day.
Then your 18. In college. Still on your parents insurance, and have no car. The on campus clinic only does std testing. You fall down some stairs. Same injury. You call your parents, crying from the pain. You are using a mop as a cane. They console you and say to have a bath, take some meds, and let them know how it feels in a few days. You end up borrowing your roommates rolling chair to get around for the weekend.
By Monday, you can walk again. You walk miles to class every day. You ask to see a doctor, but your parents won't drive the hour to come take you, and you don't have the insurance card. You are still at their mercy for medical care. The ankle tries to heal again. This time worse than before. The tendons click with every step.
Now you're in your twenties. Finally have your own healthcare. You see a doctor. You get to mention the ankle! They say it's been too long to really even know what was damaged. That you have arthritis now. It healed wrong but it can no longer be fixed.
I'm 32 now. My ankle tells me the weather. I wear boots to keep it stable. What could have been a funny story about a fall and a cast has become a lifetime injury. Because children do not have access to medical care without a parents approval.
Ye knowe eek, that in forme of speche is chaunge With-inne a thousand yeer, and wordes tho That hadden prys, now wonder nyce and straunge Us thinketh hem; and yet they spake hem so, And spedde as wel in love as men now do.
chaucer, Troilus and Criseyde c. 1380
glossary: eek also and even tho at the time prys great value wonder a cause for astonishment nyce stupid spedde succeeded
You know the form of language, too, can change. Within a thousand years, even the words that were most precious then, seem strange and foolish to us; yet they spoke them so and did no worse in love than we now do.
definitely the funniest setlist to have leaked ahead of time. like yeah yeah they’re gonna play honey this mirror and jack the ripper sure bud AND THEN THEY DID
"What did London do to deserve Jack the Ripper" <- newspaper headline from 1888
I also think that all the "um okay knives out & glass onion were good. Wrap it up now" posts are so funny. You're tripping if you think there's not going to be at least five Benoit Blanc films lol
What part of "the detective franchise is back babey" did you not get. There were 14 Poirot films and that's not counting the show which was a standard season for most of its run. 69 Columbo episodes. Like it or hate it you are going to be seeing Benoit Blanc until the day he stops making money and then some.
He hasn't even been on a train yet for fucks sake
HE HASN'T EVEN BEEN ON A TRAIN YET!!!!

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i posted about my omegaverse pill bottles and how they help me take my bipolar meds more regularly and it became a hit tweet im wheezing
being a dork and making your girlfriend laugh is worth a sillyion dollars