Straight from the Wax museum

mutuals can always dm me but be warned i talk like your coworker who is trying too hard to get to know you and my response times are akin to the response times you might get if we were communicating by letter

no one says big mood anymore. no one even says mood. no one says anything. all thats left is a dry wind, that scours my face until i bleed

its not funny

sorry

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

i wish shapes were like bugs and you could just get like a circle infestation in your house or something. fuck ive got bed triangles fuuuck. this could solve everything

Ok but why are the suckers and losers trying to kill me today

Breaking news all sports indefinitely cancelled because we have lost tbe ball

Man this store has a weird playlist, it's all Weird Al songs but with the lyrics switched out for ones that aren't funny.

fascinated by jeff the killer tbh. everyone in that creepypasta has generic white usamerican names (jeff, keith, barbara, billy, etc.) except for jeff the killer's doe eyed little brother liu. why is he liu. is liu chinese? it's okay if he's chinese. is jeff also chinese? has jeff the killer been chinese this whole time? am I a bad person?