𝖉𝖊𝖈𝖆𝖞𝖊𝖉 / 𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠

    suddenly, a wave of reality washed over charlotte’s blind optimism, because junyeolobviously hated it. the grand gesture, the sharing of a secret family hiding behind the shop, it was something that the girl glowed just thinking about. it was supposed to be breath taking, enlightening, marvelous. but yet, yeol’s reaction was flat. he hated it. he probably began to hate her too, her annoying ideas and projects and desperation. if she didn’t have her spreading of joy, what else would she have ? it was all she had in life: her love and friendship and smiles. without any of it, she felt herself worthless. so, as she stood gently, hands idling at her sides, she felt an intense feeling of failure. because the image in her eyes was nothing close to what she had imagined.

    “ um, i didn’t think of any names yet, “ lottie’s tiny voice cracked, tone flat compared to the moments before. but after a clear of her throat and a shake of her head, she smiled with a short giggle. “ there’s only three babies, so i was trying to think of names that went together. i don’t think they’ll be here very long, but i hope they enjoy it here. “ her words trailed off at the end as the sincere sentiment remained in her statement. she honestly did hope the birds were happy, were healthy, were okay. “ they’re so small and helpless and it’s scary, right ? i keep checking on them because i’m really worried something’s gonna happen before they learn to fly. the poor things. the world’s so big, and they’re so little and innocent and young. and the world to them is literally that nest. isn’t that crazy ? “ the existentialism settled in, but to lottie, it was beautiful. all the baby birds had was there and now, an idea enough to make her enjoy the there and now as well.

        the boy desperately tried to feign interest in the situation he had found himself in , but even someone who seemed to embody sunshine the way charlotte did didn’t know how to make flowers bloom inside of him . instead he just spent his days walking around graveyards - wilting everything he came close to , and the last thing he wanted was for lottie to be another name on the list of people he had tainted . as hard as he tried to distance himself from the blonde , she wouldn’t let him - not giving up on him no matter how cold or distant he was with and it just made it so much harder for him . he wanted to be the person she expected him to be , someone who was kind to her -- but all of those were things he knew he never could .

              IT’S A STRANGE FEELING – having your very distant half-brother introduced into your life. and even stranger – he’s completely unaware. she decided this would be the safest way to get to know him. if he’s weird as fuck and completely far gone, she can be cordial and never have lingering curiosities on what her dad’s side of the family would be like. to her dismay, he’s the opposite. he’s quite stoic and unapproachable at first. minds his own business and despite being a frequent customer, doesn’t strike too many conversations with anyone. fast forward to their first initial meeting of an awkward confrontation, fast forward to three weeks later where he now seats himself in front of the bar she tends. sharing childhood stories, trauma and all – while enjoying each others company. she’s unsure if she should tell him the truth, scared he’ll get angry with her, so for now, until the timing feels right, she’ll tell him everything then. she’ll tell him and potentially ruin another good thing in her life. “the usual?” she asks with a smile, already filling his glass with his go-to drink. — ft.@parasdoxes​

“     she’s been avoiding questions about her new album    ,    yes    .    ”     annie mumbled while looking down at the magazine’s cover    ,    pearly whites chewing down on her bottom lip once she had placed her cup of coffee down    .    the burning sensation of the liquid has her sticking her tongue out for it to cool     ,     but she accepts the warmth it brought to her insides as she looks up to the other     .     “     yeah    .    i’ve been meaning to text you but…    i didn’t want to bother you    .    ”     her lips press together as she changes her posture until she’s leaning back on her seat     ,     this time actually giving him a proper look from where she sat at the same old comment and feeling her heart hang heavy in her chest     .     she hesitated on her next set of words as she parted her lips from each other     ,     even when her speech wasn’t related at all to the things she actually wanted to ask     .     “    same old too    ,     nothing interesting to say from me    .    ”    she sighed     ,    drumming her fingertips on the table until she’s leaning over the table with softened features    .    “    yeol    ,    are you feelin’ alright    ?    ”

              honestly, how hard can it be to master the guitar ? apparently, harder than june thought. if only she had started learning at a younger age when she was more primed for learning new skills. maybe then, she’d have the instrument mastered by now. instead, her parents invested in violin lessons that lost their worth when fourteen year old june confessed she only attended those classes once a month instead of the agreed weekly arrangement. if you’d met her teacher, you couldn’t fault her for doing so.

              but there’s no point in mulling over the missed opportunity when she can still try. she’s not totally incompetent, decent for the most part. nothing wrong with her, just something wrong with the guitar provided by the cafe. that’s totally the case. ‘ god, the one time i try playing in public, this happens. ’ she mutters under her breath, offering a grimace-like smile to some girl who shoots her a look of concern when the note does not turn out the way she wanted to. ‘ what am i doing wrong ? ’ she whines softly after a final strum of frustration.              —— for JUNYEOL / @parasdoxes​.

         it took everything inside junyeol not to get annoyed , usually his noise cancelling headphones would be enough to block out the music that was playing quite literally everywhere . it was his own fault , he ruined music for himself with the stupid mistakes that seemed to haunt him everywhere he went . los angeles was supposed to be his escape , the embarrassment was supposed to stay in seoul , with his parents and the rest of the people that had witnessed the video and the disgrace it had brought to his and his family’s name .

Alyx raised a brow as he listened to the words being spilled from the other, and he could tell just how cocky he thought he was. If Junyeol thought he had the upper hand, he was incorrect. The tone to his words was kind of teasing, but it could have equally just have been slurring from whatever it was he’d taken before he and Alyx began their… Would you call it a conversation? “No one said anything about you dropping your pants, babe,” the shorter male mused, licking along his lips. “I’m more than happy to drop mine and just have you kneel instead.” Pausing, Alyx only broke his eye contact to look the other up and down, trying to keep a straight face for as long as he could before quiet laughter escaped his lips. Only calming himself only to take another of the blunt between his fingers. “My weed’s only free for my friends, or if you make it worth my while. Otherwise, shop’s closed. Find someone else.”

“S’a pleasure,” was all that slipped from Alyx’ lips in a low tone, followed by a roll of his eyes as the other responded, asking him how much he charged. The blue haired male couldn’t even remember the last time someone was given this offer, and even considered paying money. He kind of wondered what was up the other’s ass, but on the other hand he didn’t actually care enough to ask. “Hmm, I haven’t decided yet,” he replied with a smirk, licking over his lips as he looked the other up and down. The guy standing in front of him was a mess, glossy eyed, and he was kind of surprised he was even conscious with how out of it he looked. But, it was also none of Alyx’ business. “It’s not usually a question I’m asked, you know? People usually go for the other option.”

something akin to the feeling of disquiet makes anastasia’s hold on the magazine to tremble as junyeol moved his drink on the table    ,    the slight tremor that she had noticed forcing her to bite down her tongue and refuse to let the smile on her face to waver    .    gummy smile turns cheek rosy as she pulls the vogue issue of the month for him to see    .    “    just vogue    .    readin’ rihanna’s article about fenty and her new album    ,    ”    she clicks her tongue against the roof her of mouth    ,    lowering the magazine down to the table to grab her cup of coffee    .    “     it’s coming    .    ”    she referrs to the album with a roll of her eyes    ,    taking a quick sip before taking a moment to speak    .    “    how are you   ?    ”

OH JUNYEOL ˙ ˖ ✧ @parasdoxes​.

    charlotte never believed in the tragedy of lying, of spewing dishonest words to paint a picture that was false. yet, she was quite good at stretching the truth, to the point of pushing reality. her stories were loud and exaggerated, but only because the way her brain felt all the emotions was so vivid. for her, the care of baby birds was the most important task in the world. for her, making her friend smile was her life mission. for her, combining the two was the greatest idea she ever had. as the los angeles heat persisted into november, the fake brunette rocked back on the heels of her platform sandals, white teeth peaking out from in between candy-glossed lips. becausegosh darn it, if the beautiful new life wasn’t enough to stir a reaction in junyeol, she felt she might never find the answer. unknowingly, she was stubborn. stubborn as she stood, ushering towards the stool for the man to step upon and peak at the baby birds. all she wanted was to open his heart; kindle an excitement for life in someone who seemed to only know despair.

    “ aren’t they so precious ? “ lottie cooed, knotting her hands behind her back. an expected smile graced her features, eyebrows raising towards the party-cloudy, blue sky. “ but don’t get too close, okay ? i don’t wanna scare them. “ she’d been watching the babies for days at that point, awaiting the day they’d fly the nest and begin their next big step. and in the moment, she reflected on her statement just a minute before: if he followed her, she’d owe him anything in the entire world. his silence was her agreement, and there they stood, behind the brew, staring at some baby birds alone in their nest. “ i think they’re a hooded oriole. i looked it up … “

    and then suddenly, she felt lame. lame for admire the beauty of life, lame for investing her time, lame for trying so freaking hard. she needed a win. she needed him to open up a little more, the door to behind to creak open. because she couldn’t view it realistically. she was naive, mulish, compulsive. in the moment, she viewed the situation as a personal journey for herself rather than for junyeol, but in the same breath, deep in her heart, she knew she cared. although he must’ve considered her a nuisance, she cared enormously, mostly because that’s all she knew how to do.

          he wasn’t made for situations like this, he wasn’t made for sunshine and baby birds chirping in trees -- as much as he had wished time upon time again he wasn’t made for this. his spirit was heavy, dragged down by demons playing in his skeleton, using his rib cage as their very own jungle gym. it was tiring, constantly trying to get them to calm down, it was exhausting to pretend they weren’t there. over the years he had found out there was only one way to get the demons to stay in one place - alcohol and drugs being the only remedy for his constant torture en even then he struggled. flinching at every touch, the constant fear of hurting someone being mind consuming. even now as he stood behind the brew with charlotte he kept his distance, the idea of possibly doing something wrong enough to keep at footsteps away.

         the boy wanted nothing more for himself to try being what lottie wanted him to be, and to be nice and accepting of the situation - to just agree with what she was saying. but he seemed to leave a bad after taste with anyone he had allowed to come close to him. ‘ it’s for her own benefit ’ he thought to himself. ‘ i guess they’re cute yeah. ’ the scene painted in front of him was beautiful - brightly painted skies with contrasting yellow birds in front of it, but instead of enjoying it he let lottie’s words echo through his mind. don’t get too close, don’t get too close, don’t get to close -- you’ll scare them away. it kept repeating itself like a CHANT.

The other’s lips were soft against his own, and Alyx couldn’t help the way he licked along his own once they pulled away, his fingers still toying with the stranger’s shirt for a few seconds until he spoke. As the words left his lips he couldn’t have stopped the roll of his eyes if he wanted to, smirk still evident across his features. “Bit dramatic don’t you think?” He questioned, moving to lean back against a nearby wall, taking another hit of the blunt still between his fingers with smoke billowing around his lips as he spoke again. “I’m Alyx, and if you want it for free you’re going to have to come and get it. Otherwise, it’ll cost you.” The blue haired male shrugged nonchalantly, his lids heavy both with the lack of sleep, and the narcotics in his system.

@parasdoxes​ .         “    yeol    ,    ”    annie chirps from behind the vogue magazine she wasonce reading until she had noticed the male    ,     doe eyes looking up to him from her seat at one of the deja brew’s tables    .    stopping herself from looking him up and down like she’s used to to make sure he was in one piece    ,     she smiles sweet as she places the magazine down     .    “    hi    .    you can sit with me if you want    .    ”

The words left the other’s mouth once the smoke had already hit Alyx’s lungs, and he couldn’t stop the smirk that appeared across his closed lips as he took a confident step closer to the slightly taller man. He grabbed haphazardly at his shirt, eyes roaming over his impossibly handsome features as best he could in the awful, dull house party lighting. If the glossy look in his eyes was any indication, it seemed as if he belonged here just as much as the blue haired man did. He didn’t speak or exchange any formalities before crashing their lips together messily, exhaling the smoke into the other’s mouth, blunt still pressed between his fingers while the other hand remained tightly found in the fabric of the other’s shirt. Once the other inhaled Alyx took it upon himself to press another soft, closed lipped kiss to the other’s plump ones, continuing to gaze up at him and anticipating his reaction to the gift he’d just received. “Let me know what you think.” Alyx’s voice was soft, but just loud enough to be heard over the thump thump of the music surrounding them.