Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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Cosmic Funnies
trying on a metaphor

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will byers stan first human second
i don't do bad sauce passes
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

#extradirty
h

PR's Tumblrdome
d e v o n
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@parallasso

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Another one for "objectively funny crimes should not be punished"
The Trump administration is spending more than $100 million to fight the "emergency" of "white genocide" in South Africa.
Every single one of the 599 refugees the US admitted last month was a white South African, according to data the State Department’s Bureau of Population released Friday.
In fact, so was every other refugee admitted this year. Since October 1, 2025, the US has accepted 6,668 refugees. Of those, 6,665 were white South Africans. Three—admitted last November—were from Afghanistan. No other refugees were admitted.
Important thing about the "use in a well ventilated area" warning on stuff is that I sometimes ignore it. Much more important thing about it is that you should never, ever do this.

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ads targeted to women: omg you are thirtyyyy. kill yourself
ads targeted to men: this product will NOT make you gay seriously
happy pride to the gay people in my computer <3
she is green because she is irradiated
i’m on that weird shit. i’m jacking odd. disturbating. creeping my meat
*scared* what’s gonna happen on june tenth

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hm yes the mysterious handy tool for unusual home adventures with a twist my favorite device
Haha yeah man thats- youre gonna call who?
https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw
ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.
The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.
"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.
Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.
Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.
We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."
I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.

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i could totally take a hexbug in a fight
youd be hosing me off the asphalt for hours
oh for sure