i was born from your desires

And when it comes to films, there's actually quite a lot about older queer people! In addition to what was listed above, off the top of my head there are films like Cloudburst, Supernova, Turtles, Salut Victor

Friends, thank you so much for the massive support and these 15 recent donations!

first of all the problem with "teach young gays what top and bottom and dom and sub mean" is that there is actual disagreement on what they mean and not just in the trivial way.

in particular, i see both "top and bottom mean penetrator vs penetratee, dom and sub mean guiding vs following" (fandom definition) and "top and bottom mean guiding vs following, dom and sub mean d/s power dynamic" (bdsm definition) and both groups have strong arguments (the prior says "using top and bottom for other things is heteronormative", the latter not wanting to collapse all of bdsm into d/s). (you could argue for top/bottom from A and sub/dom from B but then you lose the ability to compare disparate dynamics which is the entire fucking point of this terminology.)

further, we made that shit up. exactly who the dom/top and who the sub/bottom is is arbitrary in plenty of scenes and frequently a matter of interpretation. it's a label that is broadly useful to compare and categorize dynamics but not truly universal even though it *frequently* espouses itself to be.

like. the reason people are confused is in fact because this shit is confusing. language is evil and we need to kill everyone who uses it. i'd love if we had better kink education in our spaces, but i simply do not believe that we would be able to agree on a curriculum.

second, i think the problem of people overidentifying as sub/bottom is *entirely* orthogonal to the problem of kink education.

frankly, i think it's a problem of alienation. it's a problem of young queers not knowing how to navigate queer culture, and wanting to perform "queer sexuality". it's a problem of trauma and identity construction.

identifying as a sub/bottom means "i wish to be 'used' and i do not wish to take agency in it". it means "I feel that I am an object in the world". it means "I externalize my sexuality as an act of others upon me". and various other things.

i think all these problems would exist regardless of kink education. i think that some of these problems are fundamental *to* the shape of queer-kink-as-it-exists. i think that presenting this as a problem of language is cruel to these subjects.