you’re in your twenties and you
think you know what love is but
you’re far from knowing

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@papergrace
you’re in your twenties and you
think you know what love is but
you’re far from knowing

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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when you think of love, what do you do?
she said, “I’ll try my best.”
six word story by GS
i miss the way you’d comfort me
i’d curl up and cry barely able to breathe
huddled against you but lost within my thoughts numb alone all alone and scared.
hey, can you look at me please? honey, please. it’s going to be okay -
your voice so gentle, the way it gets when you’re worried, green eyes softly glowing with the fairy lights above the door
i don’t look cute right now, i’d whimper - and you’d reassure me again;
when i was with you i felt like everything was okay, things paused except for the warmth i felt in your arms
thanks to you i felt like i could breathe again and
thanks to you i learned to not build my homes inside other people because now i know that home might not be where your heart is
because i was never in your heart
at least in the way i thought;
words, or a lack thereof,
are so significant - and so stunning
stunning as in sharp and painful where all else stops as i try to focus on my breathing
i’ve learned not to build my homes inside of other people but i still have a ways to go
i’m scared that i’ll never learn like i’m supposed to or that i’m just not good enough to not
sometimes i feel crazy and too sensitive and that no one gets how i feel
am i too demanding? i crave the comfort i had when i was in your arms
i crave a comfort with myself and my heart and my mind
am i ready to love right now?
perspective shift (anxiety)
and as I held her I finally understood how she’d felt this whole time, her body collapsing into my chest, the weight of her world held up by mine
hey, can you look at me? honey please look at me, it’s okay to be sad
she sighed, closing her eyes - i’m sorry - she said. i’m so sorry. she said, whimpering
she’s told me how it feels, to feel numb and scared and sad, chest sore, arms and legs feeling useless - to feel lost, and small, and oh so fragile, don’t drop her, she’ll break
and as I held her, I wish I could understand what was going on in her mind, in her arms and legs, in her veins, blood coursing, chest stinging, heart still beating
beating, beating
the seconds felt like forever
and I was her forever
or so she thought;
how could a girl like me, delicate, yet strong, feel so much and yet so little?
it hurts, honey, it hurts
she cried
i hurt.
and as I held her in my arms
she stopped crying and got up
so I sat there lost with
nothing in my arms - her world, separate from mine,
gone;

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yet i feel nothing at all
what’s better
the paper or the pen?
both indispensable
without one, the other can’t win
what’s it like to be scared?
it’s like being 19 and telling a boy you loved him
gently breathing
soft sighs lying on your side
white lace cami light teal shorts, bow slightly untied under the warmth of fairy lights above your door
what’s there to be scared of?
years later and you can’t decipher why
you’re upset and you’re crying you’re shaking with too much on your mind
you feel a little numb and you wonder - where’s the pain? darling you’ve been through so much heartbreak, it’s bound to ache
sometimes
lying on your back head tilted to the side too weak to pull up your blankets at the moment but darling, know that you’ll be alright
turning to the right to see a plane
twinkle flashing floating across the navy sky illuminated by light pollution
between the upward facing panels of the blinds
(you have to let some light in)
and another
and another
where are they going?
suddenly you don’t seem so far away
note to self: he won’t love you in the way that you deserve to be loved

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talking to you is different, i guess
what do you mean by different?
i mean lots of things, you know like
how i hear your voice and i feel safe despite how you hurt me over and over and over after telling me, please don’t let me hurt you
you had forgotten that you said that but am i supposed to be surprised?
we talked about our old home and i said i miss it when i meant that i miss you
you were my home.
i can hear your smile in your voice and i can see it, excuse the cliche - the way you smirk in the softest manner before bursting into a grin
it felt like no time had passed and that everything was okay again and we were back in the building with clanking radiators, curled up in a cuddle puddle under the glow of the fairy lights window shades up staring at the streaks of light across the sky
you said, well i should go soon because it’s getting pretty late over here
i said, what do you mean over here? laughing
i haven’t laughed like that in a long time.
you live less than 5 minutes away and you said i don’t know, i say weird things when it’s late
i miss your sayings, your thoughts, your everything
cliche after cliche after cliche
because they’re true
and you just couldn’t tell me the truth in time
i said, i’m sorry to make things weird but you know it’s just different to talk to you because i don’t really know what we are, you know
and you said uh yeah well good night good luck get some rest
but how can i rest when you’re gone?
you made me feel like i haven’t in a long time - happy in the way that only you can - and you ran
i’m in this weird position where i don’t love a guy
so i’m learning to love myself
little by little
turning this turmoil into something
safe a safe place where im not scared
because you’re not here
the world seems so scary
maybe it’s because i’m always so stressed
and it’d be nice to curl up against someone
but only if they’re genuine and kind and true
little by little
i’m letting go of you
i can’t say i love you
but i loved you past tense
i miss the way you made me feel
did you ever think how your lies would make me feel?
do you ever think about how it feels for me now - heartbroken, two years later
learning to love myself without you
with each little step
turning into leaps
i’m not sure what it is
but i️ don’t feel sad from missing you anymore
at least not recently
these past few days i’ve tried to find that feeling
the feeling of home when i️ think about what it was like to be wrapped up i️n your arms
next to you each night and each morning in your twin xl bed
or when i’d roll over in mine and kiss your cheek and smile with a sleepy good morning in the way i️ say it only for you
and you’d purse your lips a bit and smile softly and say hi
or good morning and i’d snuggle up against you feeling like pure bliss
the funny thing is i️ teared up while writing this
when will i️ know that i’m finally over you?
i’m not here for your entertainment.
i want to tell you “i miss you”
but it wouldn’t mean a thing to you
what makes you think that
you have a right to do what you do?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
it's raining and i wish you were here
do you remember how you wanted to watch the lighting during storms out my windows from the foot of my bed?
storms make me anxious but i felt safe with you
it rained today
and i didn’t bring my umbrella so i got
soaked.
not as much as a year ago today where i had to wring out my maxi skirt in the middle of a starbucks after you told me things
that keep me up at night
i didn’t sleep well last night because i kept playing our conversation our conversations over and over again recalling details that i didn’t intend to like how i kissed you even after the cab had pulled up
it wasn’t a cab though because it’s the 21st century you dumped me in a thunderstorm in the middle of downtown and told me to call an uber so it wasn’t a cab and you couldn’t have called one for me you didn’t have the courtesy
and do you remember the couple that ran inside and asked us to take a picture of them because i do
that could’ve been us she was wearing a white cami her hair in a bun their smiles endearing their laughter their having fun and i don’t know why
i keep thinking of all of these
what ifs because
it’s
been a year what am
i thinking what am
i to
you what does it matter
when you never loved me
the way
i cared
about you?