#papergrace

think you know what love is but

"don't set your expectations too high or you're just setting yourself up for disappointment"

for people for things for the world for all and for none for less and for more

for what?

why is that the way things should be?

they say if you can't find a kind person, be one if you've had your heart broken, move on

but it's not that simple because feelings just are and the idea of you is so strong

my thoughts make my body weak my chest hurts, trying to breathe why is that the way things are?

i've had my heart broken, time to move on

you told me to

go to bed first as you color coded your emails (in desklamp light) a task you took very seriously

you would join me soon an unconvincing attempt at reassurance

after i would sleepily get up and hug you around your waist head nuzzled against your messy black hair leaning down to leave on your cheek and neck gentle wistful kisses

you left me

i, a mess

i should have known that we were not where your priorities lay from the start

that i

was never a real priority

but i was too sleepy to tell that the signs were all there showing themselves

repeatedly repeated you joined me but i now realize it made me feel more alone again and again need i say more?

type type aggressively typing away instead of beside me

my body longing to hold yours

anything

i missed you

the same went for the mornings you would get up to shower and you let me sleep and you would get back and all i wanted

was to hold you

maybe i was wrong but was i wrong for loving you?

it was the only time we could really spend together and you chose to be alone you left me you threw me away after everything we went through before everything to come

i realized that i’ve written about you less than i thought i had but i guess that’s a good sign because it shows that i’m stronger more than i thought i was but tell me, honey is love supposed to hurt like the way it was like the way it did and like the way it does with you?

i wasn’t worth your time so i guess you’re not worth these words my words

but as a writer i’ll say what i must yet wonder will you ever explain, honey why i wasn’t worthy of your love?

it was very much so a middle school type of love

except maybe for the parts where we'd lie down with our legs tangled up as we looked at each other, giggling, coy smiles

saying hi before being overcome with lust making out, t-shirts off

entangled up in each other's warmth eyes closed hands lost, wandering

heartbeats increasing with our wants

it was really just more of a high school crush

but I have no words

when it comes to describing you - excuse the cliche, but we've talked about how they're true; it might be too soon, but I can't wait for every adventure

together

button down sleeves: