you’re in your twenties and you
think you know what love is but
you’re far from knowing
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you’re in your twenties and you
think you know what love is but
you’re far from knowing

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note to self:
"don't set your expectations too high or you're just setting yourself up for disappointment"
for people for things for the world for all and for none for less and for more
for what?
why is that the way things should be?
they say if you can't find a kind person, be one if you've had your heart broken, move on
but it's not that simple because feelings just are and the idea of you is so strong
my thoughts make my body weak my chest hurts, trying to breathe why is that the way things are?
i've had my heart broken, time to move on
(i'm trying)
12.23.16
you told me to
go to bed first as you color coded your emails (in desklamp light) a task you took very seriously
you would join me soon an unconvincing attempt at reassurance
after i would sleepily get up and hug you around your waist head nuzzled against your messy black hair leaning down to leave on your cheek and neck gentle wistful kisses
you left me
i, a mess
i should have known that we were not where your priorities lay from the start
that i
was never a real priority
but i was too sleepy to tell that the signs were all there showing themselves
repeatedly repeated you joined me but i now realize it made me feel more alone again and again need i say more?
type type aggressively typing away instead of beside me
my body longing to hold yours
anything
i missed you
the same went for the mornings you would get up to shower and you let me sleep and you would get back and all i wanted
was to hold you
maybe i was wrong but was i wrong for loving you?
it was the only time we could really spend together and you chose to be alone you left me you threw me away after everything we went through before everything to come
i miss (the thought of) you
12.17.16
i realized that i’ve written about you less than i thought i had but i guess that’s a good sign because it shows that i’m stronger more than i thought i was but tell me, honey is love supposed to hurt like the way it was like the way it did and like the way it does with you?
i wasn’t worth your time so i guess you’re not worth these words my words
but as a writer i’ll say what i must yet wonder will you ever explain, honey why i wasn’t worthy of your love?
was i supposed to have been hurt because i thought i was in love?
12.7.16
it was very much so a middle school type of love
except maybe for the parts where we'd lie down with our legs tangled up as we looked at each other, giggling, coy smiles
saying hi before being overcome with lust making out, t-shirts off
entangled up in each other's warmth eyes closed hands lost, wandering
heartbeats increasing with our wants
it was really just more of a high school crush
do we know more about love now than we did at thirteen?

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
i don't know why it still hurts so much and why i feel this pain in my chest where i feel like i can't breathe because you took
my breath away and now i want it back
you're a writer I'd like to think I'm one too
but I have no words
when it comes to describing you - excuse the cliche, but we've talked about how they're true; it might be too soon, but I can't wait for every adventure
together
no matter what we do
rolled up button up
button down sleeves:
everything reminds me of you;