turning this page into smth new bc im in recovery <3

TVSTRANGERTHINGS
styofa doing anything

shark vs the universe

One Nice Bug Per Day
trying on a metaphor

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

Janaina Medeiros
sheepfilms

titsay
Today's Document
Sade Olutola
Cosimo Galluzzi

Product Placement
$LAYYYTER
KIROKAZE

JVL

@theartofmadeline
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

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@paperb4g
turning this page into smth new bc im in recovery <3

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people who are like “i’m hot and mean” and that’s their personality. i love that for you but please stay away from me
nothing will remind you that eating is good and okay like fantasy books will. “and that night in the valley they brought out the best plum cake and sweet cream, trout and turnips roasted over the fire, mead and goatsmilk and fresh cold water from the spring-“ and it’s like yeah dude you’re absolutely right. then sometimes it’s like “as he slept that night in the woods, he sorely missed the valley, where they brought out the best plum cake-“ and it’s like man that sucks i’ll have some seconds in his honor
i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself i hate that im so big. i hate that even when i become small ill still have so many flaws on my body. i hate that it's a possibility for people to be naturally skinny and i'm not one of them. i hate the way i'm treated. i hate the way i treat myself. i hate myself when i'm gaining. i hate everyone else when i'm losing. i hate being tall. i hate that my height adds to my weight. i hate that people notice me more easily because i'm tall and fat. i want to hide and disappear and starve myself until i'm nothing but a memory. i want to love myself but i can't. i hate myself
when u don't eat anything all day so u binge at night and then u can't sleep bc u feel gross and then the next day ur still full so you don't eat all day and then binge at night and can't sleep and

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i am TIRED of saying it'll just be a couple months until i reach my ugw it's been years and i am nowhere near my ugw
things to do when your day's been bad
lie down on the floor beside your bed
take a shower, use the good soap
listen to a song you liked ages ago
write your thoughts out in all caps
draw a head and then 'decorate' that head however you're feeling (I drew a man with a hole for a face. It worked)
listen to a song and try to focus on one (1) instrument at a time, baseline, drums, guitar, another guitar, repeating sound effect
wash your face
take a nap or go to bed early
call someone. tell them about your horrible day or let them talk about theirs or both
go through your camera roll (specifically the screenshots folder)
go through your saved instagram posts / tumblr likes
watch That One Really Great Live Performance of That Artist You Love, then read the comments of everyone having great taste like you do
cry a little about it
remember that this day will end and another will begin. it'll be all new, never experienced before, no bad things will have happened, and you'll be okay.
Alleviate some of the (extreme) expectations you have for yourself by seeing things as extensions of yourself, rather than defining yourself by them.
Your talent for art is an extension of who you are: you’re enjoying it, you’re good at it and it might earn you money or a following. But if this extension were to fall away, it wouldn’t change you at your core. It would affect you, but it wouldn’t suddenly make you less worthy. Same goes for sports, songwriting, giving out advice, editing photos; they’re extensions of you because you’re the one who built them and invests time into them.
Your core is what (who) remains when all of those things are taken away. The person who had the courage to try in the first place, fell down and got up again, the intelligence and kindness, the perseverance and the boldness. That person is already whole and already enough. Even if there’s no extensions, talents, good grades, even if there’s just you being- it’s completely okay and good. Everything else is a bonus. You’re already worth celebrating just as you are.
honestly fuck all the ppl that have used me. fuck you for making me feel like that’s all i’m good for. fuck you for hurting me. fuck you for damaging me. fuck you for touching me. fuck you fuck you fuck you.
every time i see someone hold pennies behind their collarbones i want to k1ll myself

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Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.
It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.
Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.
It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.
You don't have to choose one aesthetic. One personality or main theme. One defining characteristic for yourself. You don't have to find one category to box yourself into in any regard. You can be all things that inspire you, that make you feel more fully alive. You are multifaceted and complex. You are endlessly diverse. So many colors, textures, and joyous expressions live within you.
living in a house where everyone has an eating disorder is funny cause when i don't eat for three days my mom doesn't get concerned about me, she gets jealous
EVERYONE DRINK WATER RIGHT NOW AND REBLOG TO KEEP THE HYDRATION GANG CHAIN GOING

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i grew up extremely overweight and was bullied for it my whole life. until i got an eating disorder in lockdown and the way i was treated changed drastically
i was ten times as confident as i was before. i wore dresses and clothes i'd only dream of wearing when i was big. i got compliments from strangers daily (even my friends wouldn't compliment me before). the guy who bullied me most tried to hook up with me. people noticed me and cared about me and wanted to BE like me and it was the most amazing feeling in the world.
i didn't feel like i was an actual person until i lost weight.
experiencing both sides makes it evident that being this way is just... better. and that's why it's so fucking hard to recover
How not to binge- a sort of guide
These tips are intended for people with restrictive eating disorders who also binge and want to stop- just because that's what I have personal experience with- but it might be helpful for others who binge too.
Just a disclaimer, I am not a medical professional
(This is probably going to be long)