Daniel's Calling - Part 7
The first week blurred together.
Daniel stopped asking what day it was.
The windows in his room had curtains now.
Someone always opened them at exactly seven.
Someone always closed them again after evening prayer.
Every morning there was another neatly pressed white shirt hanging in the wardrobe.
Another pair of dark slacks.
Another folded set of clothes exactly like yesterday's.
His own clothes never returned.
Even the hoodie he'd worn on the bus.
Whenever he asked, the answer never changed.
Eventually he stopped asking.
Not because he believed them.
Because every answer was identical.
He tried leaving every day.
Once he waited until everyone was eating dinner.
Another time he slipped out during a gardening project.
Twice he reached the highway.
Both times someone from the community "happened" to drive past.
"We were just coming to town."
Every road somehow led back.
Every attempt ended with the same words.
"We're glad you came back."
Daniel eventually realized nobody called him a guest anymore.
"Someone who's struggling."
"I think Daniel is having a difficult day."
"We should all pray for Daniel."
He hated hearing his own name spoken like that.
As though he weren't standing there.
As though every emotion he had was just another symptom.
Whenever he became angry, someone would quietly write something in a small notebook.
One morning someone knocked on his door.
Daniel looked up from the bed.
Rowan placed a disposable razor on the dresser.
"The brethren have asked that you be clean-shaven."
He rubbed the short stubble along his jaw.
"I've had this since I was twenty."
"It presents a more disciplined appearance."
"It would be appreciated."
"I think you'll look better without it."
"...You really think that?"
There wasn't a hint of pressure in Rowan's voice.
Half an hour later he stood over the sink, scraping away the last trace of stubble.
Each stroke of the razor made him angrier.
When he finished, the face staring back looked younger.
At breakfast three different people smiled.
"The real Daniel is starting to show."
Nobody asked whether he liked it.
They spoke as though the decision had never belonged to him.
The baptism was announced the next morning.
Nobody accepted the answer either.
The day simply continued as though he had agreed.
When he protested, one older missionary gently rested a hand on his shoulder.
"We know this feels frightening."
No one responded to the word itself.
Only to the emotion behind it.
By the time he realized it...
Everyone in the room had quietly stopped speaking except him.
His own raised voice suddenly sounded childish.
Afterward everyone congratulated him.
Daniel stood dripping wet, unable to remember ever saying yes.
Rowan rested a hand on his shoulder.
Daniel wanted to pull away.
The rules changed immediately.
Every hour belonged to someone else.
The following morning there was another surprise waiting.
Several freshly pressed white shirts.
Some neatly folded short-sleeved versions for warmer weather.
And two conservative ties.
Baptized brethren wear ties.
Daniel picked one up between two fingers.
Later that morning Rowan found him still holding it.
"I used to think exactly the same."
"I loosened mine every five minutes."
"And eventually... it became part of who I was."
"I'm not becoming one of you."
"I'm not asking you to become anyone else."
"Just... let me help you."
Daniel sighed dramatically.
Rowan gently lifted the collar of Daniel's shirt.
"For a tie, the top button has to be closed."
Daniel immediately pulled back.
"I hate having anything around my neck."
Daniel reluctantly fastened the top button himself.
Immediately he tugged at the collar.
"I remember saying those exact words."
He slipped the navy tie around Daniel's neck.
His fingers moved slowly.
Daniel couldn't stop watching him.
Rowan tightened the knot until it rested neatly beneath the collar.
Daniel immediately hooked a finger under it and pulled it down.
Rowan gently slid it back up.
Daniel loosened it again.
Rowan adjusted it once more.
For several seconds neither of them spoke.
They were standing so close Daniel could hear Rowan breathing.
Daniel looked into his eyes.
Daniel's heart started racing.
Without thinking, he leaned forward.
For one impossible second Daniel thought—
Maybe this was why Rowan had been so patient.
Daniel leaned in another inch.
Their faces were only centimeters apart.
Then Rowan quietly stepped back.
"It wouldn't be appropriate."
Daniel felt his face burn.
"You don't have to apologize."
Rowan straightened Daniel's tie one last time.
His fingertips lingered just long enough against Daniel's collar to leave him wanting more.
"But continue making progress."
"If you keep moving forward..."
Daniel watched him walk away.
But instead of feeling angry...
Maybe if he kept trying...
Maybe one day Rowan wouldn't step back.
From then on, the tie became another daily battle.
Every morning Daniel deliberately left the top button undone.
Every morning someone noticed.
"I can breathe like this."
"The collar should remain closed."
"This isn't the military."
Daniel buttoned it with obvious annoyance.
Five minutes later he'd quietly loosen the tie again.
By breakfast it hung two inches too low.
Rowan would glance at him.
...and slide the knot back into place.
If Daniel loosened it during chores...
Someone quietly tightened it.
If he opened the top button after lunch...
Someone noticed before dinner.
Someone would simply smile.
As though Daniel himself were simply incapable of dressing correctly.
Eventually he caught himself checking the knot in mirrors before leaving his room.
Eventually he started fastening the top button before anyone asked.
Because hearing "Thank you" from Rowan after doing it correctly somehow felt... good.
That realization frightened him.
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