I'll Kick Your Shins

Everyone say thank you black women

LOUDER!!

how do you explain to someone that this is your sense of humour

If I ever don’t laugh at this, assume I died.

used to be when you fucked in a car you could always be sure that the car wouldn't know. thats not the case anymore. modern cars know when you're fucking in them. how could they not? maybe you can avoid this by simply turning the car off. maybe that's naive of me. i just don't know. it's hard to know these things

Soon the cars might ask to join in, and it might even be for the best that we accept tender automobile lovemaking into our lives, but no one can really say for sure

i think i'd be checking my phone in the cuck chair to be honest

horror movie showing a child’s drawing of the monster or ghost or whatever but instead of a little kid and crayons they’re like a preteen and it’s manga style

New Cerberus just dropped.

Now THAT’S a pet named Spot.

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

Oh My God Damn