Time to Live

It's been a long time since I've posted anything. Life has been crazy. With my grandmother moving in I feel more trapped at home. She can't take care of herself, so I feel more obligated to stay home with her. My anxiety has been doing better overall, but I believe part of it is due to the fact that I just want to run away from responsibilities for a short time. If I don't help, I'll have no place to go. The situation is horrible and gets stressful. Watching the dementia deteriorate my grandma is frustrating. I can't do anything about it.

I am so thankful for the people I have. I left the house to see my friend in tears. She is always so supportive. It pains me to know they are moving, even if it is just about a ten minute drive away. They lift me up when I feel depressed and are always so happy to see me. It's hard, but I need to do the exposure therapy again so that when they move in a few months I can be there. The last thing I want is for another person to move and we lose contact because they are out of my comfort zone.

Staying the night with my friend Susie tonight and her family. I really love being here. Her place is so relaxing and she understands the panic disorder I have. They have been talking about moving though. Even though it is only a mile further away, it makes me sad to think they will be further away. I will have to work on adding that to the area where I am comfortable. At least I have a little time to work on it.