Butter Club

Okay, so I’ve been thinking and rambling a lot with @intricatecakes about Priest in retirement before S2. It was prompted by someone’s post wondering about what Priest was doing during S1. So ima just share some of those thoughts here bc they’re too good omg….

Uncanny suburban neighbor Priest

After blackwing tells him he’s not needed anymore, he goes into retirement

Living like a Very Normal Man

He collects stamps, or dolls, or thimbles, or little statuettes, or something strange like that

Everything about him is just so uncanny

Mows his lawn at the exact same time every 2 or 3 days, it’s a very exact schedule. And he always mows in perfect straight lines

He always acts like a rlly great neighbor, helping get cats from trees, lend a hand where it seems like it’s needed, but he always seems just slight off and people are really really weirded out by it

Parents keep their kids away from him.

Everyone tries to avoid him as much as possible

Animals will not step foot on his property. None of them. He can’t keep dogs as pets. Deer do not touch his plants. Mosquitos don’t even seem to fly on his property.

HE GARDENS

Because bees and flies won’t come near him, he has to hand pollinate all of his plants himself. It’s an art.

He has a carnivorous plant section which he has to hand feed

So much neighborhood gossip about him

When blackwing calls to ask him to come back he gets so over excited and yells and then has to take a deep breath and try to act cool

He packs up all his weapons from the basement and is at the blackwing facility as quickly as humanely possible

He isn’t dealing with retirement even nearly as well as he tries to make it seem

When the secret comes out way later after he’s gone back to blackwing that he was actually a government hitman that tortured children no one is surprised

Honestly it puts his uncanny weirdness into so much perspective that the entire neighborhood knows it’s true

Disappears for days at a time occasionally for “business.” No one knows what this means, and the rumors range from drug mule to the unwittingly close hitman.

He never reveals it to anyone but he is actually going gardening expos, and habitat for humanity builds. No one at these events talks to him. They avoid eye contact. He is overly friendly, but still subtly creepy somehow (think “things got a little zany!” tone)

He once ran for and won a seat on the city council. Everyone was afraid of voting against him, and he serves for at least four years.

He has surprisingly good ideas on how to run a city government.

And the most important four words I have to add:

For this part I’d like to add:

The Thinker manipulates Abner in a TSS deleted scene.

poor David…

BONUS:

Got really inspired by that Social Climb edit.

bonus: