how do you get rid of the part of yourself that wants to passively fish for sympathy/praise?
Three things. First, just ask for the praise. People are a lot more forthcoming with compliments if they know you’re open to them. There’s a persistent and subtle belief that praise should be saved for special occasions and that it’s excessive (effusive) if given freely.
Second, be more giving with compliments and praise to other people. Most people will hear a genuine compliment, and respond with one in return. This has the benefit of both making you more practiced in giving people meaningful compliments, as well as getting more direct positivity in your life.
Third, praise yourself. There’s a belief that taking pride in your own accomplishments is vanity. That’s super, duper bullshit. Play yourself up constantly. It will feel fakey and gross at first, but over time you’ll become much more able to actually look at your own actions and see when you’re doing something good, and believe in that goodness.
I suppose as a bonus 4th thing, you could look into behavioural therapy techniques and see if any suit your needs, as well, but they can be pretty hard to self administer.
nice
