₊ ⊹ paledyingrose ꫂ ၴႅၴ⊹ ࣪ ˖

here’s a little about me and what you’ll find on my blog!

⋆˚࿔ i’m 21, a scorpio, and i use she/ her pronouns! my handle is paledyingrose on all platforms. most of my reader friends call me rose for short, and you’re welcome to do so as well!

⋆˚࿔ i mainly read (and solely write) AUs, and i currently have three active hollanov WIPs: a hunger games AU, a WW2 AU, and a dirty dancing AU! i post lots of snippets of upcoming chapters on here, as well as random thoughts and teasers.

i think most of us avid readers can agree that there is no better feeling than that of getting notified that a WIP you’ve been following along with has been updated, especially after a long wait. but something i never really understood until i became a ff writer myself, is all of the unseen effort attached to that email.

as readers, we see the chapter count go up, the word count increase, and the plot unfold a little more—but what is only visible to us writers are the hours spent trying to come up with the right words to describe the sequence of events we’ve been picturing in our heads, the late nights where we got little to no sleep because something just clicked and the story finally began flowing out, and the fatigue from balancing everything going on in our personal lives along with getting updates out on time to keep our readers happy.

i personally work in the emergency room, so i do three twelve-hour shifts in a row every week…and i would be lying if i said it didn’t take a toll on me, given that i tend to see some pretty fucked up shit on a daily basis…lol. anyway, this isn’t meant to be a trauma dump. what i’m trying to say is that writing is my outlet, and i’m eternally grateful for the community of readers that follow along with my works. it truly means the world to me when you engage with my stories—the stories i spend majority of my days subconsciously thinking about and many, many hours working on—and i cherish it reverently. however…i would also like to gently remind the world that ff authors share their art solely because they’re passionate about it. and while i understand the anticipation of waiting for a story to update…please keep in mind that we’re trying our best, and expressing impatience for faster updates slowly kills that passion.

let us not forget what happened with wolfbird…(opal i know you’ll never read this but i love you) another example i’ll add is my personal favorite WIP (different fandom) that hasn’t been updated in over six months and is on unforeseeable hiatus. the author has deleted all her works along with her socials since then, and a part of the reason for her doing so is because of the pressure she felt to update frequently. (greenteacup you changed my life, i hope you’re doing okay <3)

again, something i didn’t understand until i started posting my own stories. but i now know very well that that pressure is real, and in my case, it makes me not even want to continue working on a story i used to love so much. for example, i’ve had some pushback for updating one of my WIPs more often than the other, and that just makes me not want to continue that story at all. i completely understand the notion, but guys…i’m doing all of this for fun. please trust that i won’t abandon my works, even when there’s a delay in update. i rather take my time and put out something i’m satisfied with than a half-assed chapter i only wrote just to show proof that i updated.

basically , the point of this long (and slightly incoherent, sorry, i’m half asleep rn) tangent is: please remember that us ff authors are busy people who are trying our best. let’s keep fandom fun and stress-free. lord only knows there’s already enough things to worry about irl.

i'm barely awake, so i'll leave you with a short snippet :)

~

Ilya wondered if Hollander would be married by then.

The mere thought was so unbearable that he sat up at once and reached toward the nightstand where he’d left the bottle earlier, taking several swigs before he slammed it back down and threw himself onto the pillow again.

He shouldn’t care.

He didn’t care.

Hollander could do whatever he wanted.

Ilya absolutely did not fucking care.

He closed his eyes and curled into a ball, burrowing into the mattress, hoping that if he repeated that sentiment enough times to himself he would wake up tomorrow and actually believe it.

He felt himself begin slipping into unconsciousness a minute later, and a part of him almost forced himself to stay awake, because he knew the nightmares would wake him up again soon anyway.

But he was too tired to fight very hard.

One final thought passed through his mind before the darkness finally took him.

None of those girls could ever understand him the way I do.

~

yeah! goodnight!

mind you it took an outrageously long time because unfortunately i do not possess a talent for lyricism and i almost gave up on the idea entirely but ANYWAY i suppose i was momentarily possessed by the spirit of lucy gray. also sejanus baby you are HAUNTINNGGGG that narrative