daydreamin’

don’t be disappointed in yourself, it’s normal human response/emotion!! it’s gonna be easier for some people to just cut those sorts of responses off than it is for others tbh (especially if you’ve spent 5 years being a fan of someone that’s a lot of time and brain space dedicated to said person!! it’s not easy to just shut that off!!) and I don’t think there’s any advice I can give you other than take your own time and make your own judgements on that sort of stuff bc anyone else’s input or shame or influence isn’t going to help you regulate your own emotions or make your own judgements which are gonna be essential down the line if that makes sense

I think it can be worse or more harmful sometimes to be forced into making a decision to stop liking someone in that way, you have to be doing it for your own reasons for it to stick like I’m meaning this to sound gentle and not blunt hahaha but if you can overlook things that happened then that’s YOUR judgement and you can’t force yourself to go against it!! (and like I’ve said in the past, I don’t judge him on his evil brothers actions as much as people want me to still like I was disappointed in him at the time and I haven’t seen much since just bc I blocked tags but I don’t have the same visceral reaction to luke as I do to dumb and dumber even if he is the same deep down because I haven’t seen it if that even makes sense??)

I think the whole hughespocalypse just filled me with such an intense ick for the other two that I just lost interest in hockey all together to avoid the disappointment I felt at the whole thing but that’s also really sad to me and is not what I wanted to happen, you know?? all this is to say I don’t think there was any right way to handle that and I was saying that all along but that also means the way you still feel endeared by luke or want to support him isn’t wrong either!! like when I do stumble across a post that isn’t blocked I do miss him!!

but I think by now I’m conscious of the fact that I miss a version of him I romanticised in my head to write for!! like I think I look at him sort of like a character maybe

I think you being conscious of the fact that you have romanticised a version of him in YOUR head is a good observation, the only advice I could ever give is to try and distance that last thought around his type from your mind if you can because it’s (and I do mean this with love we’ve all been there) just not a healthy path to be going down when it comes to these guys!! I think it’s like a switch that goes off in your head one day where you just realise that even considering that aspect is detrimental to your own mental health and not something you should even be thinking about if that makes sense and it does sort of cross the lines of ~parasocialism where you insert yourself into their lives in a way, like having a crush on him is fine, but you have to consider where you’re reversing that thought and thinking about how he would feel about you, do you know what I mean?

sorry if that last bit did come across blunt but!! yeah idk the rest of it you have no control over do you know what I mean??