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tboy I used to be really close with hit me up again and then sent me a letter accusing me of leading him on after he spent 4 years refusing to listen when I said I wasn't interested
currently seeing someone who's never dated a woman before and while that scares the shit out of me the look on her face the other night when we kissed and she said "you're so soft" makes it all worth it
currently seeing someone who's never dated a woman before and while that scares the shit out of me the look on her face the other night when we kissed and she said "you're so soft" makes it all worth it
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had a lot of time in the woods to think last week and i'm thinking about sex. To me, the notion that drives good s&m sex is gift-giving. When I am domming someone, I am asking them to give me the incredible gift of vulnerability and submission. It's hard to open yourself to all the feelings that come up during s&m. It takes patience and deep self-reflection. And that gift of self creates an intense obligation in me as a domme to care for it properly.
I am also someone who pathologically refuses gifts because I am terrified of showing my desire for anything. I almost never ask things of people and when they offer I have to fight my urge to refuse. And so accepting someone's submission gives me a feeling of vertigo from the mixture of desire and fear. I vividly remember a moment when this girl I was seeing asked if she could untie my boots for me - I was so turned on I could barely stand.
Even though that exchange is so healing and powerful for me, I find lots of ways to avoid it because I'm so scared of it. The biggest one is service topping, where I focus exclusively on giving someone the feelings they want and expect rather than letting them open up by expressing my real desires.
Maybe putting this here as an inaugural post in the pursuit of being more open (with myself and my audience of anonymous freaks) about what I desire. we'll see
read through the "on our backs" story anthology and the one (1) story with a trans woman in it depicts her as a space alien with an "appendage" i'm so fucking tired of cis lesbians
last time i talked to my auntie she said the tribal cops on the rez were ready to shoot the ice agents that keep stalking around and you know i really hope so...
if ur native and from a rez you have a tribal id and ice agents are just saying thats not real when native people are stopped and like this is another chapter in genocide and like i'm so angry this morning
every year small towns and indigenous communities across canada are burnt to nothing by horrific wildfires and americans go on the internet to complain about it and blame us bc the smoke has spread to their state. i’m so tired.
go yell at mark carney or your own local politicians about climate change and urge them to do more to stop it. the namaygoosisagagun first nation had their community destroyed today. you can find a link to donate to them here. donate to your local food bank. go to the beach next week when the smoke clears and you don’t have to think about it anymore while the people who’s lives have been destroyed will have to pick up the pieces and try to move forward when we are already in a huge cost of living crisis across the country.
rbing with other places you can donate to to support those impacted by the fires!
true north aid (an organization aimed at providing support to remote/northern indigenous people in canada)
canadian red cross wildfire fund
ontario spca and humane society (links to their donate page specifically aimed at supporting pets and animals in areas impacted by the fires)
and the anishinabek nation’s page where you can donate to support the namaygoosisagagun nation who had their land destroyed by the fires is still accepting donations
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just, imagining coming home to my femme, she's gotten all dressed up in an old suit and tie she kept around, her hair slicked back with hair gel (where did she get that neither of us use that?) and she comes up to me feeling all silly and whimsical presenting her "butch cosplay" to me
and I look at her and just say "you look so fucking handsome though"
they're probably put off and embarrassed by my reaction. this was just something silly they wanted to do to see my reaction, but I'm standing there admiring them, taking in the sight of them in a way I've never gotten to see them before, and they are starting to melt under my gaze
"you sure this is just a joke, darling? you always really, really liked it when i brought other butches over. when you got to see me play with them, fight them for you. don't you think it's possible you wanted more than just watching? that you wanted to be a part of it?"
[cw noncon, misgendering, potentially detrans interpretation though not explicit]
he's starting to shake and tremble, he tries to start taking the suit off, draw my gaze elsewhere, but even as he thinks he's showing off his tits for me I'm just looking at the sports bra he put on under the button-up, the boxer briefs he wore under his slacks, that I see when I push him against the wall and unbuckle his belt
"please, please I don't, I'm your femme I don't want this it really was just a joke Goddess I wanna be pretty for you I want-"
my hand over his mouth, whispering into his hear
"you look too good like this to be a femme, sweetie. you're so fucking handsome, I wanna suck your cock and drain you dry while you beg me to call you handsome. beg me to call you handsome, beg me right now"
whimpers and desperate pleas escaping from his mouth while i speak, desperate gasping for breath before looking in my eye and seeing how serious I am, how this is no different than any other command I've ever given in the years we've been together
"fuck, i don't, please, please Goddess please I don't want to I don't..."
he starts to tear up. little sobs escaping his mouth. he's so charming when he's pathetic for me
he looks up at me again, pleading for anything else
but he knows what I want from him
"Goddess... please... call me..."
a loud and deep sob, his chest tightening around him as he tries to form the words
"please... Goddess... please call me handsome..."
"speak up, boy, I couldn't hear you"
he grips my shoulders tight as i call him "boy" and leans into my shoulder sobbing
"i can't i can't i can't i can't i don't want to i don't want this please call me pretty i'm your femme I'm your femme!!!"
he's wailing into my chest
when he finally stops
"I told you what I want"
i can see how broken he is
i loved him as my femme
but he can see i want something different now
"please..."
one last attempt
but i don't budge
"call me handsome... Goddess. please. I... I want to be your handsome butch. your-"
a sob cuts him off, but he picks right back up
"your handsome boyfriend. i wanna... i wanna be your butch..."