The lovers, the dreamers, and me

You had everything. A loving partner, a castle bigger than any building meant for humans, great sex, and three step daughters whom you loved as if they were your own. As if you had put even half the amount of blood and sweat Alcina had into raising them. 

But all that didn't erase your past, something dark, and not as distant as you’d like.  You had found solace in the Dimitrescu castle two years prior, your mother had kicked you out and you were left with nothing but the clothes on your back, and a heart full of rage. You had nowhere to go in the small village, so you made the one way journey into the castle, a suicide attempt to most. You knew of many girls who had gone missing, entering the darkness within the antique walls and never leaving - or perhaps leaving in a bottle. 

Alcina had tasted your blood the day you arrived, she told you it tasted of cheap liquor and fear, and spared your life. You were immediately put to work, and God were you thankful for this. The relentless work served as a distraction: from the pain, from the anger, from the need to numb yourself with drink and drugs. 

You always felt her golden eyes on you, watching you stumble around the castle in the gaps you had in between chores. There was a strict curfew, you knew that, you knew if you were caught you would be in the dungeons for no less than a week. At least you knew that when you allowed yourself the capacity to think. Yet, you continued your drunken escapades - hours of stupor, dragging your tired body around the halls. Sometimes you thought you hoped for her to catch you, so you could witness one final look of pity before she inevitably took your life for the disobedience. For some strange reason though, she never punished you. Perhaps she noticed you were punishing yourself enough - Vomiting in vases, only to immediately clean it up like the good maid you were.

None of the other maids liked you, they insisted you were receiving “special treatment” as they put it. They noticed the sympathetic glances Alcina had sent your way when you would turn up drunk to serve dinner. The other girls would've been skinned alive for the offence, but Alcina just stared at you with an expression akin to confusion, like you were some puzzle she was trying to solve. Even the head maid looked down on you, called you pathetic, wore the same disapproving look your mother had before she would beat you. One particularly troublesome evening, she approached you as you were on your third bottle, told you the Lady had summoned you, and left without missing the chance to spit on you. You assumed this was the end for you. She could bury her claws deep into your abdomen and rip out your booze filled organs. Or worse, she could send you away, kick you out to the cold weather and your even colder family. This anxiety only spurred you on to drink more and by the time you had steadied yourself on unwilling legs, an hour had passed and you had drunk enough to put an adult elephant to sleep.

 It was more than a trifle to put one foot in front of the other and get from the maids quarters to the Lady’s wing. But you made it, not long before the blackness took over your vision, leaving you to fall like a bag of bones on the floor. Alcina heard the crash and rushed out to find you bathing in a sordid mix of self pity and your own vomit. 

You woke with a pounding in your head, an aching in your chest, and an unfamiliar view. You didn't open your eyes as you processed where you were. Soft pillows held your head, and your body was encompassed by a sea of silk. None of the maids had this kind of lavish bedding, meaning you could only be in one place. Her bed. You burst to life the instant this realisation hit you. A bad decision. The pounding in your head became a sharp pain that flooded your senses. If you possessed half the energy to facilitate such a movement, you would’ve rushed to whatever bathroom you could find as your face took on an unwelcome pallor and your mouth flooded with saliva.  

You lacked the sense to know she was there, of course she was there, and you wouldn’t find out until her large hands scooped you up and carried you to her ensuite. It was effortless, you slotted into her arms like they were moulded with the intent of you resting there. Your head swirled and her words fell on deaf ears as she gently placed you on the cold floor as she would her most priceless vase. You usually hated being treated like you were fragile but when she did it, it made you feel that she cared. A stupid thought, she was the blood drinking, maiden slaughtering, revered Countess after all. 

When you felt large, cold hands on your hairline you knew this was it for you, but the numbness, and the darkness, and the pain never came. Instead she gathered your hair and positioned your head above the toilet, tentatively stroking along your spine as you emptied your stomach’s contents once again. With nothing left in you, a painful mix of dry heaving and bringing up bile ensued. 

Eventually nothing escaped you but a quiet sob, you never expected to find this care in the Lady Dimitrescu of all people. Your mother, your father, your “friends”, they never showed you the grace Alcina had. In the quiet hours that followed, she had held you in her strong arms as if she loved you and wanted no harm to come your way. She hadn’t treated you like a maid, but like something damaged, something she wanted to put back together, piece by stubborn piece. She wiped your tears and held you through the night, this only caused more tears to spill. If someone had held you like this just once before, you wouldn’t even be in this castle. 

“Why?”

It was a quiet, broken sound that left your lips, muffled by Alcina’s chest, traveling straight through to echo around her heart. In truth, she had not known the extent of the love she had developed for you, had not realised that with each time she saw you reach new lows, her heart ached a little more for you. And that ache turned into care, that care turned into love, and that love led you into her arms, into her bed, holding onto whatever your small hands could grasp as you cried. 

She tried to explain, but couldn't. She hadn't the words to tell you that the mighty Lady Dimitrescu had gone soft for a drunken maiden. She had fallen for your humour, the way you joked even when you were at rock bottom. What especially drew her in though, was the fire in your eyes. You had a drive in you, she knew you wanted to be better, and she knew she could help. Her mind was filled with images of you in a not so distant time - a time where your eyes were slightly less yellow, your skin less clammy, your hands less shaky. She saw you, in her mind’s eye, playing with her daughters. Despite their incessant teasing and borderline torturing, she knew that if you gave them the chance to see the character she had so intensely observed, they would grow to love you. These feelings and hopes and ideas and dreams, were not something Alcina was familiar with. She had never in her life fallen for a mortal in such an intimate way. Sure, she had had a maiden in her room every now and then to satisfy her physical needs, but she didn’t only desire that from you. She wanted to hold you and love you and take care of you. She didn’t know how to come to terms with these mortal feelings, so she sent you to your own room without any explanation. For the rest of the night you held your pillow and sobbed some more, thrown into a whirlwind of emotion by the experience. 

You didn’t even try to tell the other maids, it’s not like they would believe you anyways. Some rumour was made up that you were only let off because you had become Alcina’s new fuck toy. Not that you would’ve minded that though. 

Months passed and you were rarely allocated chores near Alcina, it seemed that she was avoiding you, if that was even possible with her size. Until one day, you had enough of the confusion, the stolen glances, the thickness of the air when you were near her. You wrote her a letter, haphazardly scribbling down all your thoughts no matter how messy. You figured in all her years, she had learnt how to read barely legible words. The letter went into obscene detail of the hurt you felt when she sent you away, the confusion that followed, and the love that lingered in your throat like a bad taste - coating every word you uttered to, or about her. It would rise up like the bile that flooded your toilet each night. Haunt you like the urge to drink. Your cravings only consisted of Alcina and you kept them at bay with the drink, until the drink started to give way to the craving and the want.

You were helpless. Fingers that once curled around a bottle that wasn’t there now curled around her arm that held equal absence. You slid the letter under her door and ran as fast as your legs would carry you. Ran outside, ran to the woods, ran aimlessly. It wasn't by any means an act of escaping her, you just didn’t want to be there to see her read it. She could mock you, make fun of you, she could laugh in your face at the idea of you thinking her act of kindness was anything other than that. You knew the woods were a bad idea, but your feet carried you there. Maybe being torn to shreds by some lycan was a better fate than hearing Alcina chastise you for growing fond of her. 

Her daughters found you hours later. You had never really held any meaningful conversation with them, they were too busy tormenting other maids and draining them of their blood. You feared them. 

The oldest of the three approached you first, bearing her sickle but not in any way that made you feel threatened. She spoke of how she believed you were undeserving of her mother’s kindness but she noticed how she would let up a slight smile when speaking of you. Especially when she thought you to be doing better. 

Next was Cassandra, she hadn’t carried the same softness around her words that Bela did, if anything she made you feel pathetic. Sharing the same sentiment of her mother’s happiness towards you, but delivering it in a way that showed her disdain. 

Lastly, Daniela approached, sickle in one hand, and in the other, a letter. Being easily excitable, she couldn’t hide her giggle at the knowledge her mother had written a letter for a mere maid. You received the letter with a quiet thanks and in an instant the girls vanished into a cloud of flies and dispersed. 

You found a rock to sit on and silently read the letter to yourself. 

She held the same love you did, outlining this in her letter, apologising for the hurt, and opening the door to allow you into her life. She wrote of how she was scared of these human feelings of love and such, and even more so because of the downward spiral you were clearly stuck in. She laid out conditions, she would love you endlessly if you promised to at least try to recover. She never made you promise sobriety, just effort, and she would put that same effort into helping you. 

You walked back to the castle, letter held tight in your hot little hands, and found her awaiting your return. She picked you up and took you to her room, where she and you shared tears. You told her about your life and she finally understood why you would sacrifice your body to get those memories out. 

Over the weeks you spent more and more time with her daughters. Daniela warmed up to you the fastest, pouncing on you and hounding you to read with her, or hunt with her, or whatever her heart desired. Alcina always knew she looked up to you and you thought her crazy for saying that. It was true though, the girl saw your love for her mother, saw the effort you put into getting better. She figured if you could come back from what you had, anything in the world was possible.

The other daughters followed suit in their own reserved way. It was true they would grow to love you but they wouldn’t let you think that too soon. Not until they were certain you would not hurt their mother. 

Eventually, everyone in the castle knew of your relationship, it would’ve been hard for them to not hear your moans on the nights Alcina had her way with you. They noticed how you came to the maid’s quarters less and less, and they noticed how anyone who spoke ill of your name, or called you a drunk would receive a sickle to the leg. Or worse.

The happiness you felt about the relationship always seemed to fail to cover up the hurt of your past. Despite the distance, your mother stayed with you, as bits of dust in the attic of your mind. Your whole family did, their words swirling in your skull like an echo chamber of dread and the childhood that you were robbed of. Alcina always tried to help, offering baths together, massages, and late night chats. But nothing soothed the ache quite as good as alcohol did. 

You let her believe you were sober, the guilt weighed heavy on you but you knew the burden of your past would weigh heavier if you gave it the chance to. 

And that led you to where you are right now. Setting up a birthday party for Daniela, hiding your tremors and nausea. You knew it could only mean one thing: you need a drink. You promised Alcina you would try not to drink again, especially on her daughter’s birthday, but the feeling boiled up inside you, consuming every fibre of your being so you began to search for the bottles you had conveniently hidden yesterday.

“What are you looking for, draga mea?” 

Shit. You had to think of something quickly or she would get suspicious. 

“I…Uhhhh…Bunting!”

Great job Y/N, you thought to yourself. Clearly saying the first thing you saw, the bunting…that was in her hands. You tried to save yourself but only made a bigger fool of yourself. 

“Oh look, you found it! Haha, guess I wont need to look anymore. Thank the lords your brains have the same volume as your boobs.”

Your words came out at the same time as a repressed gag, making you seem even more awkward than you were. You looked up to see Alcina brandishing a slight smirk, clearly amused by your flustered state.

“Have I ever told you how odd you are, Y/N?” 

“Countless times, but you love me for it.”

Alcina muttered a quiet “sadly.” before walking off, leaving the banter before it had even started.

“Hey big lady! You don’t mean that!” 

You shouted your last remark to the back of her head, knowing she heard, knowing she was laughing at you. 

Once you knew she had gone, probably talking to the maids about how the setting up was going, you retrieved the bottle and drank as much as you could before hiding it as you were startled by a floating wooden doll. 

“The drunk is drunk! The drunk is drunk!...”

Angie repeated this over and over at an annoyingly loud volume until you threw one firm fist to her wooden jaw. 

“Fuck off Angie, I’m not in the fucking mood for dolls.”

You felt a little bad as you watched her retreat towards Lady Beneviento, who was now standing less than ten feet from you. Thankfully, she didn’t catch what you were doing before. All of the lords knew of your “old” habit as they had put up with Alcina’s grief whenever you turned to the bottle again. Karl got the worst of it though, his sister was especially bitchy towards him whenever she was upset about your actions.  

You noticed Angie’s jaw open a little as if to tell Donna what you had done, but she gave up her attempt as soon as you shot her a look almost saying “You tell her, I’ll fuck you up.”.  

“Hello Donna, how are the dolls treating you?”

Your words flowed with little to no slurring. Good job Y/N, you mentally praised yourself for the performance. 

“I am well thank you, as are the dolls.”

You gave her a quick smile before trying to leave as fast as you could. Only you were stopped by her soft voice calling your name.

“Y/N, how are you?”

The way she said this told you what she really meant: have you fucked up yet, have you drank? 

“I am okay, Donna. Really.” 

Angie stared daggers into you. She may have been an annoying little bitch at times but she held the same care for you that Donna did and she was disappointed in you. 

“Y/N, I don’t know how to put this lightly, this isn’t an accusation but you reek of-”

Just when you thought you were busted, you saw your knight in shining armour walking in: Karl. Of course it smelt of liquor when he was around, he practically bathed in it. Relief flooded your senses as Donna sighed and you realised her suspicion of you was soiled by the walking whiskey barrel. 

“What were you saying, Donna?”

You asked innocently, still pretending you had no clue she had smelled the alcohol on your breath. And pretending to be even more oblivious to the fact she thought it was Karl once he walked in.

“Just…Take care of yourself Y/N. You have a lot of people who love you.”

She patted your shoulder gently and then made her way towards Alcina, who was standing a little behind you and had watched the conversation with a calculating gaze. You hoped to God she wouldn’t ask Donna what the chat was about, but you knew she would. 

“What’s up, boozehound?”

The raspy voice in front of you gave you no time to panic about Alcina, as your veins flooded with anger. 

“Gods, not you.”

Karl folded his arms and snarled at you, he always picked the worst moments.

“Not happy to see me, or just not happy in general? Alcina not fucking you well?” 

He said the last bit as a whisper, knowing the “super sized bitch” was glaring at him over Donna’s shoulder. 

“Karl, I’m really not in the mood. Go and pester someone who cares.” 

“Jeez woman, you need a drink.”

You wouldn’t have usually done this, you knew you were no match against him, but the alcohol in you raised your arm high as you swung at him. You would’ve continued to slap him if it weren’t for two cold hands restraining your own.

“ENOUGH!”

Oh shit. 

“Karl, go calm down somewhere not near Y/N! And Y/N, come with me. Right now!. I will not have you bickering and spoiling Daniela’s birthday, do I make myself clear!”

Both you and Karl stood frozen, Karl liked to pretend he didn’t fear Alcina, but God did that woman scare him when she was angry. 

“I said, do I make myself clear!?” 

You and Karl quickly nodded and he made his way to the bottom of the courtyard, far from you and Alcina. Oh God, Alcina was staring at you now. 

“What’s gotten into you?” 

Her voice boarded on angry, but you knew that wasn’t really at you, moreso her twat of a brother. 

“He just said some not nice things, I shouldn’t have reacted how I did, I’m sorry.” 

You mumbled your apology as you looked at your shoes and twiddled your thumbs, praying to anything that would listen that she hadn’t noticed your full moon pupils. 

“Look at me, draga mea.”

You looked up hesitantly, staring into her golden eyes. Her hand came up to your face, cradling your jaw and stroking your temple with her thumb.

“You’ll be okay, my love. Don’t let him get to you okay? You’re stronger than this.” 

Your heart fluttered at her words but you knew the truth, you weren’t better than this, you had fucked up. You lied to Donna, you lied to Alcina, and you hit the two people who pointed out what you really are. A selfish kind of panic arose from your chest and resonated in your throat, bringing up your breakfast with it.  

“I have to go to the bathroom, if Dani comes out before I’m back, tell her I’ll be with her shortly.” 

Before Alcina could question you on why you were going, you had dashed off. You ran into the bathroom and threw up, mainly from guilt, you hadn’t drank enough for it to be that yet. 

“Oh honey…” 

You knew that voice could only belong to Donna, anyone else would be at your throat. She knew by now that her earlier suspicions had been confirmed. 

“P-please don’t tell her.” 

Your words were cut off by another bout of throwing up, causing you to collapse onto the ground and clutch the toilet bowl for dear life. Donna just hummed sadly as she gathered your hair and stroked your back, much like Alcina used to do when you were first getting sober. 

“You know I have to sweetheart, she would slice me to ribbons if I didn’t. She sent me to check up on you actually.” 

You knew what she was saying was true and fully reasonable, but man did it hurt to even envision the expression Alcina would wear when she found out. Donna’s voice interrupted your thoughts, leaving no room for anymore panic. 

“Let's get you cleaned up, okay?” 

You gave her a sad look and nodded. 

“Then, we will go back to the party, I won’t tell Alcina until it’s over, and you will be on your best behaviour for the rest of the day.” 

Once again, you nodded. Your lip trembled slightly but you didn’t let tears flow, you didn’t want Daniela to see you like this and you knew crying would be noticeable once you saw her. 

Donna helped fix your makeup and clothing, cleaned up any vomit, and gave you a herbal remedy for the nausea. She held your hand loosely as you walked back outside, you heard her tell Alcina you were just feeling a little under the weather and she would tell her more later. 

“Y/N!!!” 

Daniela zoomed up to you, shrieking your name with excitement and hugging you a little too tight. 

“Happy birthday, Dani.”

You quickly sprinted to the corner of the courtyard and retrieved a neatly wrapped gift you had hidden from the whole family, a surprise gift. You watched Daniela’s eyes light up as you passed it to her and she opened it.

“It’s not much, but I wanted to get you something at least.” 

“No way!! You are the best!!”

She squealed and hugged you even tighter than before. The weeks leading up to now, you gathered whatever change you had and headed to the duke. Daniela always told you how she wanted to hunt with her sisters more so you bought her an engraved crossbow with her name on it along with a sheath of arrows. 

“Woah! You’re really trying to suffocate me today huh? Glad you like it, be careful with it though, or your mother will kill me.”

Daniela ignored practically everything you said and repeated many excited “Thank you”’s at your face. 

You saw her mother behind her calling you over.

“Dani, would you let me go so I can help your mother with whatever she needs me for.”

Daniela reluctantly let go of you with a loud huff and a long “Fineeeee”. 

You walked towards Alcina on unsteady feet, of course she didn’t let this go unnoticed, along with your unusual behaviour earlier. She spoke to you once more, this time seeming a little more annoyed than before. 

“Would you help me carry out Daniela’s cake or do you think your arms will give up on that too?”

You and Alcina began to walk to the kitchen, you didn’t really know what she meant. Unless she had caught on to your behaviour, then you knew perfectly what that remark could mean. Once you got to the kitchen you shot her your best effort at a confused look.

“Oh come on, Y/N. All day you have been acting off. Rushing to hide stuff, darting off to the bathroom, getting into arguments, stumbling about…”

You couldn’t come up with anything to save your skin so you looked away, not wanting to meet the eyes of the person you had hurt most. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You met her eyes again, much like before you threw up. Only this time, hers had the shine of unshed tears and yours held all the guilt in the world and more. 

“I thought you were better.”

This quiet sentence broke you, you had nothing to say. Nothing to even try to make Alcina better. Not because you didn’t care, because you knew it wouldn’t really matter. An apology won't change the fact you’re piss drunk on her daughter’s birthday and one sip away from beating Karl up. 

“Daniela will be unhappy if she finds out...”

You were more saying this to yourself but it made Alcina laugh in a cold way you’ve only heard her do towards Karl. She was angry. 

“Oh, Y/N, she will be more than unhappy. Do you understand how much that girl looks up to you! How fucking happy she was when she saw you doing better! How happy we all were!!. Do you?!”

“I know…I’m sor-”

“No. No more apologies, no more moping about. You don’t get to feel sorry for yourself anymore today. You are going to carry this cake out with me and you are going to at least act sober. I have half the sense to kick you out for the remainder of the party but that would break Daniela’s heart. So stay, but do it no place near me. I’ll talk to you tonight.”

That was fair, she could’ve said a lot worse. You carried out the cake with Alcina, she had one arm around you - which, to others, looked like an act of love, but it was really to make sure you didn’t drop the cake the maids had spent days making, in your drunken haze. 

You eventually got to Daniela, who was awaiting the cake with an eager grin. Alcina’s smile was full, as if she hadn’t known of your drinking today - as if she hadn’t been holding your body up. The cake was placed down and everyone huddled to sing happy birthday. 

You knew you shouldn’t have, but you found an opening to sneak away during the song, and you made your exit. Of course you loved Daniela and didn’t want to upset her, but it would be more upsetting to see you barely conscious, slouched in the corner. You figured the pain of knowing you left would be better than seeing you cause any more havoc on her big day. 

You made your way back to the castle, not skipping a beat to retrieve a bottle of wine on your way. You were already drunk, it’s not like it would matter. Some maids shot you worried or judging glances, just as they had when you started working for Alcina. The fact you were now a member of the Dimitrescu family didn't mean they judged you less, it just meant they did it less openly, and especially not when the Lady could see. 

Step by step, you dragged yourself towards yours and Alcina’s chambers, clumsy hands made work of opening the door, not managing to close it behind yourself. All you wanted to do was lay down and disappear, the shame that you held off for most of the day finally found its time to fully settle. You collapsed onto the bed, bottle abandoned on the night stand, and sank into the pillows. You hadn’t intended to fall asleep, but your eyelids were heavy and the strength you possessed to hold them open was decreasing. You drifted away, your mind filled with only sorrow and guilt for how you had hurt Alcina.  

You awoke in a place you had long left. Clothes littered the floor with the odd abandoned meal. Bottles were scattered around, some smashed, most empty. The room reeked of home - a disgusting, intoxicating, nauseating, bath of nostalgia and hurt. You held the place in your heart with all its imperfections and assaults. You flung your foot over the edge of the bed, scarcely avoiding a part of the rug damp with something you didn’t want to identify. 

“Mother?”

It was as if your voice had a mind of its own, leaping out your throat to call for the woman you least wanted to see. Despite this, you ventured forward, taking the time to admire your perfectly curated shelves. Mementos of happy days and bad lined each plank of wood. You took a moment or two to examine one photograph in particular. It was that of you and your mother, when she deemed you worthy enough to like, not a recent photo. You both stood, grinning ear to ear and she draped her arm over your shoulder, pulling you close to her side as if to shield you from the horrors of the world. An ironic picture. As you grew older, she grew jealous. The world spilled open for you like a treasure chest and for her, that chest was closed. She believed you were a means to pry it open and receive what she thought was rightfully hers, and when you didn’t, she hated you for it. She told you that you had ruined her life, your birth ruined her body and all she had to show for it was an absent husband and a failure for a child. You never could quite comprehend how you failed, not until you grew to realise she had set expectations and impossible plans for you, before you were even born. She wanted you to be perfect, in her image. She wanted to live through you, and if she couldn’t, well then she didn’t care if you lived or not. If it wasn’t a life she would gain something from, it wasn’t a life worth living. 

From then on she did everything in her power to punish you. She hit you, burnt you, pulled hair, dished out words no daughter should hear her mother say. Worst of all though, she filled you with poison. If you were passed out drunk, you wouldn’t be an issue. 

You couldn’t tear your eyes from the photo as you watched the image contort from the bittersweet memory to one of you and Alcina. Oh God, Alcina. Where was she? Each pixel in the photo twisted and bent until it fully resembled you and her.

 A sour voice grabbed your attention. 

“Ogling at that whore, are you?”

“Wh- what?”

The harshness of her words almost caused you to stumble and bow your head as you would’ve, had you been younger and more full of fear. 

“I’ve heard about the things that woman does to girls, the ways she disposes of them. Of course, it was a disappointment to find out you hadn’t met the same fate in her castle.”

“Mother, you shouldn’t say things like that, you don’t mean it.”

“Oh yes I do. I wonder, when are you going to disappoint her as well?"

You didn’t even make any attempt to refute the implication. After all, you had disappointed her. 

“Shut  up-”

A cold hand connected with your cheek, backed with unhuman force. 

“You do not tell your mother to shut up, have you no manners? I made you, Y/N, I can easily break you”

“ALCINA!!”

“Oh go on, call your ‘saviour’, see if she cares.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, mother”

You spat out the last word as if it weren’t a compliment, not even an insult, as if it were an accusation. 

“Do I not? Because from what I know, you’ve let her down. Like you let everyone down. Getting drunk at her daughter's party? Not a good look sweetie.”

She was right, you had let her down, and now you were stuck in this old hell. 

“Go on, she’s calling you. I do hope she gives you a good slap.”

“Calling me?”

“Wake up, you fool.”

Only then did you notice the muffled sound of Alcina’s voice, trying to shake you awake. The words grew clearer as a headache crept in. Your first move was to scan the bedsheets with your hand, growing thankful for the room you found yourself in. Your hand met hers, it was cold but in a strangely comforting way, not like your mother’s. 

“Alcina?”

Your voice was rough with sleep and sadness. You hoped she wouldn’t punish you too much after that shocking dream. 

“You had a nightmare, draga mea.”

“Yeah…”

She sat closer to you now, moving to sit so she was touching your legs with her own. Her hand wrapped around yours, stroking your thumb in soothing motions with her much larger one. 

“I actually didn’t want to see you tonight. I made Donna check up on you every now and then-”

“If you came here just to tell me that, I really don’t appreciate it, Alcina. I know I fucked up.”

“I heard you calling my name” 

“It was a nightmare, okay, if you don’t want to be near me, you can leave now.”

“Nonsense, how will I know you won’t have another nightmare, or continue to drink”

“I’m not gonna fucking drink Alci”

“You see how that’s hard to believe when they’re the exact words you said before you did?”

You quietly looked down, observing how your hand fit perfectly inside Alcina’s. You saw her other hand move closer to you, slowly, like she was approaching a wounded animal. You wondered if she thought you had the fear she’d hit you. Her finger gently came under your chin, coaxing you to look up at her.

“I’m not going to tell you off anymore, I want to understand. Donna told me you seemed beat up about the whole ordeal, I want to know why you continued despite this.”

“I keep seeing her”

You barely choked the words out, a lump emerged in your throat, making it hard to expand on what you had said. 

“Your mother?”

You nodded, unable to give out any words without also releasing a sob. 

“I know birthdays and parties, even for others, are hard, draga mea. She ruined so many for you in the past. Don’t let her win now, though. She can’t hurt you anymore, and if she tries, I’ll rip her throat out.”

She gave you a small smile as if it were a funny joke. You knew she was being serious though, you knew she would never let harm come your way. 

“If you ever feel like that again, please come to me first. I can’t afford to lose you, Y/N, you’re a piece of my heart.”

“I know, I promise I will seek you out before doing anything stupid from now on…Does Daniela know?”

“No, I told her the cake had settled wrong on your stomach, and you had to leave”

“Alcina! She is going to think I have diarrhea!!" 

Alcina threw her head back and laughed, causing you to prod her arm. 

“Perhaps, but isn’t that just hilarious”

“No!!”

Eventually, after copious bickering, Alcina joined you in your bed, making you aware of how late it had become. She lay down on her side of the bed, opening her arms for you to crawl into. You rested her head on her chest and melted into her as she stroked your hair and whispered sweet nothings. 

“Oh gosh!”

Your exclamation made Alcina hold you tighter and jump.

“What is it?”

“I never thanked Donna!”

“Oh don’t be silly, love. She knows you’re thankful. She will be here in the morning and you can tell her yourself then, okay?”

“Yes, okay”

“Now, off to sleep, and no more outbursts. You’ll give me a heart attack one of these days”

“Finnneeeeeeee”

“Goodnight, my girl”

“Goodnight, big lady”

You both settled down into the position you were in before, she kept her tight hold on you and you clung onto her like a lifeline. 

“I love you endlessly, Y/N”

“I love you more.”

“Impossible”