misunderstood

Have you ever had a relationship that ended and you couldn’t for the life of you figure out how it all crashed and burned? You rewind the memories over and over in your head again and it doesn’t add up. You two loved each other, wanted to build a life together, so where did it all go wrong? And the longer you go without an answer the angrier you get. Because if you don’t see where it went wrong then the problem couldn’t possibly lie with you. So you start blaming everything on the other person. The memories you shared together don’t feel so happy now because even just thinking about them gets you furious. It’s all their fault you couldn’t work out. You did nothing but love them.

And then, maybe years later, you’ve grown and you’ve changed, and now you’ve started to see things in a different light. Were they really the person you thought they were? Was there something you missed? Were they the ones who stopped trying first or you? And you begin to question everything. But it’s been so long and you gotten so accustomed to putting the blame on them that it seems pointless to ponder on it any longer. It’s all in the past anyways.

But you start opening up to someone about the events that unfolded and they keep pointing out holes in your story. The inconsistencies. Something seems amiss. And as you go on, you also seem to question yourself. Suddenly it doesn’t seem like a matter of how well you remember but how much you forgot. After so much time, it’s hard to be able to confront your own contribution to things turned out. You want to deny it but it’s true. There was more that you could’ve done. Reach out. Listen. But what can you do now? It’s too late. But however painful it feels, you also feel relieved in a way. Because after so long you finally got your answers.