owl in a tree

how didyou get so small bro

be sure to leave out milk and cookies for brutus tonight

You can leave as many cookies as you want but he’ll only et two

this remains the funniest addition anyone’s made to one of my posts

ugh yeah that's the good shit

I feel like a lot of people dont pick up on that: when youre texting with someone and they ask you a question theyre probably very much aware that they can simply google it. The reason theyre asking you instead is because they like talking with you and want you to explain it instead

THIS TURNED OUT SO MUCH BETTER THAN EXPECTED

and what if I told you nine was less afraid of love than ten. what then.

for a moment i lived in a beautiful world where doctor who didn’t exist and this was simply a seven-ate-nine joke too layered for me to understand

I love seeing dogs and wolves in movies because they’re acting so vicious but also their tails are wagging so hard unless the post-processing guys specifically edited out the tails (which is slightly less obvious but also hilarious in a different way once you spot it).

That dog knows his job, and knows he’s damn good at it, and knows he’s probably better at his job than his coworkers.

i have too much joie de vivre for this

i’m so serious when i say excessive fear of being annoying/creepy/taking up people’s energy etc holds us back. it seems like it’s just little things but they add up. over the past month i’ve ordered food and drinks almost exclusively by asking “do you have a favorite?” and i know if i said that on twitter or wherever ppl would dogpile me for demanding emotional labor of servers or w/e but every single person i’ve asked has seemed genuinely psyched to answer! i don’t ask if it’s busy obvi, and use a phrasing that gives them the easy out of “i don’t have one”— but no one has taken it! the girl at the cafe confessed to me with something like conspiracy in her voice how everybody raves about the gluten free chocolate chip cookies and sure, they’re great, but the delicious, fluffy homemade waffles are RIGHT THERE. the barbera the bartender recommended was actually kind of awful but it broke the ice and we ended up talking for like 45 minutes. the bodega guy declared that he usually makes himself a burger but tonight was “a breakfast sandwich night” and tbh he was totally right. it WAS a breakfast sandwich night