it peels back a little too much skin, how easy it is: to fall back into that silent language, or to the push-pull of non-verbal communication when thereās a kid in the room. ( kids are smart. mikeās more observant than most. it wouldnāt surprise him if mikeās picked up on static in the room. but kids are self-absorbed, too - rarely listening to anything that isnāt loud enough to be targeted at them. )
ā - alright. ā the beat of hesitation is a polite hovering of uncertainty; as much as recognition. for coffee is deliberately delimited. whether heās being offered an out or kept at armās length - thereās a sense in his stomach that itās both, even if michael canāt quite admit it to himself.Ā
mike nods somewhere in the back of alexās quiet, cutting things off at the pass before alex can think anything much too loudly about david. ( but theyāve already had that conversation, too. ) ā yeah. ā mike shifts his weight, settles differently, picks up a different coloured crayon. ā they talk too much. ā
in spite of himself, a smile, airless huff, cracks open on alexās teeth, startled-amused. muted: ā tell me about it, kid. ā
mike isĀ observant, in the same ways that michael is. michael thinks he will probably have the same long and selective memory, too. by contrast to michaelās own experiences, though, sara is a good parent. there shouldnāt have to be years of repression and panic attacks and a fierce, frightening, frightened need for control that michael has been through. between sara, a good psychologist, and a steady home environment - maybe everything that jacob did and set into motion will be a bad memory but not a haunting one.
michael hums.Ā ā yeah, they do. you two had the right idea.Ā ā lj and whip get along a little - too well, in a way michael feels like he shouldāve anticipated, given how close in age they are. itās not bad, but it is a lot. more than michael knows how to consciously deal with. ( it keeps happening, something like this, where he settles at a distance from everyone else, looking at them and feeling a prickling disconnect. at least in some way - mike and alex feel it too. )
ā everyone is gonna head home before long.Ā ā michael glances at the clock on the wall. he abruptly realises he doesnāt know what time sara puts mike to bed. he doesnāt - heās not - here enough, yet.Ā āĀ then itāll be me, your mom, and alex. ā he blinks at alex with a half-warm smile and then down at mike. ā speaking of. iām too old to sit on the floor for long, buddy. you good here ? - alex ? āĀ
in all senses he wants to be able to sit and talk to alex without treating mike like some object immediately between them, so itās half a cue for the other to join him as he clambers to his feet and moves to the couch. in only some senses itās that michael isĀ achey; distant throb in his skull, slightly unsteady feet, the thingĀ in his head that he doesnāt like to talk about bothering him as much as all the noise is.
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