HAUSTE.

TELL ME ABOUT THE DREAM WHERE we pull the bodies out of the lake, and dress them in warm clothes again.

samuel henry winchester of cw's supernatural rp blog, s1-5 centered. crossover, multiverse, multiship, oc & ship friendly. originally est. 2011 , mun 25+. #prodigil. affiliated with @picksmusic.

it's fascinating to me the amount of multitudes featured in sam and dean's relationship, and the way their relationship looks different depending on what side of the fence you're standing on.

john forced dean into a role that wholeheartedly splits and mutilates him. dean didn't get to just be a kid, or to just be john's son, or to just be sam's brother. he had to be sam's father, because john wasn't there. he had to be his guardian, his caregiver, his protector. from the age of four he was shoehorned into a position where he had no choice, and deviating from this mold john created for him he learned to be dangerous--whether because of the world around them, or because of john's reaction to it.

it makes sense, then, that as dean gets older, his attachment to sam becomes very unhealthy. there's resentment there that gets expressed toward sam for what their father did: and i mean, it makes sense. even though dean rationally knows none of this is his fault, or sam's fault, how could you not feel a sense of resentment for the person who you feel you've been burdened with responsibility by? of course, i doubt dean actually logically sees it this way. he loves sam so much he'll do anything to save him.

but that love also comes from a sense of his own identity. this is who he is and what he revolves around: being sam's guardian. it's a cycle that feeds into itself.

dean needs sam more than sam needs him, despite the toxic sense of codependency they have. sam has demonstrated the ability to be away from dean, e.g. four years of stanford. he can even survive when dean is Dead dead, like hell. obviously we see in his flashbacks he was utterly miserable, but he was alive, compared to dean who practically tries to kill himself any time sam's life is on the line if it means saving sam.

i would also like to point out dean has a nearly psychosexual sense of possession and jealousy over sam. this is by far the most interesting part of their dynamic to me, because like, obviously i am not a w*ncest shipper (blegh) and don't mean it literally, but the way dean gets about people who have precedence over sam compared to him--like ruby, for example--the sense of betrayal dean exhibits over sam 'choosing' people who aren't him, he treats him like they're married.

not to mention i can draw the lines between.. lucifer knocking dean out after dean shoots him with the colt, so he can terrorize sam and promise him he'll 'give in' eventually (which again, this is very analogous to badgering for sex), and lucifer intentionally making himself look like dean to be close to sam and cross the wires in his brain. not to mention, what i think lucifer did to him in the cage ("hate banging as we speak") would have absolutely entailed lucifer finding the worst ways to terrorize sam, because it isn't just about his sick twisted perverted sense of "love" and "possession" anymore (after all, if sam 'belongs' to dean, and lucifer feels entitled to him, theres going to be contempt), it's about hurting him as deeply and painfully as possible for ending his thousands of years in the making plan for the apocalypse. my point is lucifer 100 percent made himself look and sound like dean in the cage before abusing him time after time.

and i believe the opposite of this to be true for dean too, i have absolutely zero doubt that demons in hell torturing dean took the form of sam, and i wouldn't doubt if before he broke demons would take the appearance of sam on the rack too. this is likely a mutual trauma they have in some way or another that is never discussed, because how do you possibly discuss something so grotesque and morbid?.

sam convinces himself of the necessity of this. teeth tapping molars sends electrical synapses through his brain, the watery and distended vestige of john's voice thrumming about his skull. he gently girds august's bird-bone shoulders, picking off a pill of lint at the seam of his hoodie. ' alright, auggie. you ready for blank rounds? we can set up some, uh, empty soda bottles, and see if you're a real texas ranger. ' the soft air to his intones is meant to alleviate, guide august away from the reality of why sam was refining his ability as a young shootist: there would be a day where he wouldn't be able to protect him, he was sure of it. ' the idea is, you won't ever have to use it. but, i just.. want you safe. '

sam is a bisexual bottom leaning switch. he likes taking care of women and fem presenting partners by default and assumes a gentle dominant role unless his partner directs into something else (he has no problem subbing for girls), whilst often defaulting to wanting to be taken care of by men and masc presenting partners. part of this is a psychosexual thing about the comfort he's received in his life from men vs. from women but thats a whole different post for a later time.

since he is somewhat of a control freak, he does like dominating his partner and making choices for them if they're into this. he discovered most of this when he and brady were a thing before he was introduced to jessica (and before brady Fell Off in terms of academia, going from a pre med student to drinking and doing drugs regularly). brady was a softie who let sam bully him, and they were on-off partnered.

but, he does love being pampered and adored, especially by men. there is absolutely a big part of sam that wants to be worshipped, despite his absolutely abysmal self esteem. its the only place he can find some kind of reprieve from his own self image. (many years ago, when they were still active, i shipped with my friend's crowley, and man.... having a firmly dominant but loving, grounded top to basically be his demon sugar daddy sure was a life changing experience, in a good way.)

has a relatively big T dick. many years of being on HRT and good genetics will do that.

when he tops, using a harness and toy equally brings him euphoria and dysphoria at times. he loves getting to have his own dick in some way or another, but also there is the niggling fear that because it isn't natal, his partner won't enjoy it as much, which spirals into dysphoric anxiety. they have to give him some indication they're into it to get him to stop focusing on it.

only does anal sex with amab hook ups. sorry. he does do vaginal penetration with an established partner. i think sam is sort of terrified of ending up pregnant for an assortment of reasons, so he generally prefers anal with someone he doesn't intend to spend his life with or if its his first time with his prospective partner. when topping, he'll do whatever his partner wants, it doesn't matter to him.

big hands means big, long fingers. good with his hands. likes watching his partners squirm on them.

cannot be a mean or aggressive top. (can be a mean or aggressive dom if he's bottoming. almost dislocated brady's shoulder once pulling his arm back to hold above his head.)

huuuuuuge monster fucker. like generally very eyebrow waggling at big strong monsters who can throw him around and fuck him. the only exception is anything that reminds him of lucifer, and even then, he has angel ship partners who exist in the same sort of realm he isnt afraid of (cas, gabe).

AND THEN MAYBE I COULD BE SAVED. sammy, you're my favorite. better than mother's milk.

ind. sam winchester of cw's supernatural, predominantly s1-5 focused. previously "apparentlyimstubborn", "prodigal--lamb", "finechester", among others. est. 2011. oc, ship, crossover friendly & encouraged. affiliated with @picksmusic. #PRODIGIL.

you don't mind being tagged in random starters or having random asks sent to you, you don't mind me spamming you with memes (unlikely to do so but i may send more than one and you're okay with that), you don't mind me dming you whether its for something that made me think of your muse or an idea for us to interact, etcetera. basically its permission to annoy the hell out of you.

i have a lot of interaction anxiety, where i fear i am bothering the people around me, and liking this post helps me circumvent that. i ask that if you do like it, you do not unlike it, as unliking it is rescinding permission to me.

CANON OR CANON ADJACENT.

V. I WANT OUT. anything set in s1-3, concerning sam's reintroduction to hunting, john's death, the birth of the boy king, and dean's impending fate.

V. THE IALOUS SWAN AYENS HIS DETH THAT SINGETH. anything set in season 4 or 5; the apocalypse is nigh, hell is on earth, and heaven is opening the door.

V. HEAVEN KNOWS I'M MISERABLE NOW. anything set past season 5, from s6 to s15. this verse will rarely be used, but i do have a soft spot for older sam + domesticity.

V. YOU ALWAYS END UP HERE. an au set in the "end" universe, in which sam succumbs to lucifer's possession; however, this au is set shortly after dean's death. in this au, sam successfully wrestles back lucifer upon killing dean, the act an ultimate mistake on lucifer's end, forever sealing lucifer inside him a la the end of swan song. (or ejecting him and forcing him to live with dying vessels. whichever.)

V. IT'S ALL FIRE AND BRIMSTONE; BABY. an au in which sam accepts his position as the boy king of hell and ascends to the throne after dean's death. whether dean returns or not is dependent on the writer and timeline. generally bases himself out of a missouri based diner; his intent is to kill lucifer once he learns of his existence and plans. boy king sam is not expressly evil, as he avoids harming innocents and wields an iron fist against demons who disobey. he'll flay them blood eagle the same as he will any hunter who wont back off.

CROSSOVERS.

V. MARVEL. upon emergence from mary's womb, sam is marked, like a handful of young mutants before him, as one of ch'thon's future vessels. at six months old, ch'thon kills mary in an effort to prepare sam for his future. not even a week later, the infant sam is abducted by the mutant terrorist raven "mystique" darkholme, and raised by her, as her son, in order to protect him from ch'thon, humans that would hate him, and his own family. in this verse, sam is named sam darkholme, and while raven did not raise him to hate humans, he doesn't trust them. he is indeed still a stanford student on his way to becoming a lawyer. whether the events of supernatural happen or not is determined by the thread, but dean definitely doesnt know him very well in this verse. he was raised to love and embrace his powers, not hate them, and is close with the darkholme children (to some degree, given both rogue and kurt dislike their mother whereas sam does not. he was the only one given totally favorable treatment.)

V. FALLOUT. sam is a former follower of the apocalypse who was infected with a trace amount of FEV at birth. instead of horribly mutating him, the virus granted him his abilities seen in canon. he has an instinctual draw toward the master and finding him.

V. THE LAST OF US. sam was raised by john and, thus, dean, the cordyceps outbreak happening when he is three years old. at fifteen, he runs away from the both of them, joining up with the fireflies only to become disillusioned with them by eighteen. in this verse, sam is a mobile junker for bobby singer's dakota based scrapyard, a location that is heavily fortified and mostly safe, similar to bill's isolated town. sam generally makes trades for bobby and travels to acquire supplies--food, rations, medicine, necessities--whilst trading engine parts, gas, and scrap metal from the yard. (dean, by comparison, is likely a fedra boy. they havent seen each other in years, especially as bobby has no way to 'reach out' to dean.) sam and bobby encounter a 14 year old ellie and joel in the fall of the game, helping them out before getting them on their way. in this verse, lucifer is the leader of a huge band of hunters--lucifer is obviously not his real name, but what he chooses to go by--and, similar to david, indulges in cannibalism and rape. sam is his subject of obsession. (lucifer is also a weirdo who likes the spread of the infection.)