JeanMarco is My Essence

Things have been going....not great, not fun. Said things have added to me being shit at replying to messages but - I wanted to thank you for reaching out even after my silence and get back to you sooner. And I'm sorry, too, for that. I'm bad at keeping up (ask any other friend of mine! they'd know too!), and with my returning depression, it's also been harder. I find it hard to get out of bed to eat, and have been spending pretty much any free time I had on playing Sun Haven instead just to keep myself busy. Happy of a sort.

I still haven't written anything since we last spoke, BUT ... the timing on this is impeccable. For the past three days I have been thinking of this, like, not!fic? That I've had a plot bunny for, for years now. But it's come back to me and I keep pretending to think about writing it. Very nothingness, small ass fic just where a modern!au Dream is very Gross (LMFAO). Similar to him in the first bowspam post I ever wrote, where he jerks off to Tom in a very weird ass way. We come (lol) full circle. kinda inspired by another (thor.ki) fic but only like a snippet of that one. I'd love to write it one day, if for no one else but my own amusement, and you, of course. :)

So, I would say I still think about the dsmp, yeah. I don't read much of it or seek it out, but I still like it and probably will have moments of returning as I do with all things I've loved. Like, every few months I get kicked in the face with grief again and go find some beeduo posts to project onto. And I do WANT to write the bowspam I've come up with. I just... haven't written anything.

This is rambling and long. But I am touched that you thought of me and my writing. I think of our conversations too and the fics you recced! I still want to go back and read more of those. I need to reply to comments again too. (so since I have very little to give right now, I hope this big ass wall of text is something to chew on for a minute.) But I have to say I'm the same! Also obsessed. Nobody does it like them, I compare them to stuff I love and new things I see and it's never the same. God. They fucked me up good, the bastards.

My pronouns are she/her! And I definitely love all kinds of affectionate nicknames and endearments. This includes honey/babe(y)/etc as well as nicknames you might come up with based off my username. Like, friends can call me Freckled - and I'd consider you a friend! I also refer to myself as OMFB in the third person lol. So whatever! I like everything you listed though. Do you? I can call you those things back, I like being able to do that with my friends. Got out of the habit with it though due to a couple people not liking them as much, unfortunately.

Thank you for saying all that. That is so sweet and actually does warm my heart. I feel even more guilty after you said that cuz I took a week - only for this to be WAY longer. I'm sorry. Even if you say not to be (and it DOES take a weight off my shoulders, even if I put it right back on), I do feel bad. It HAS been busy though. In a good way (mostly) this time though! So many things I've been waiting for finally started coming through. For example, I had an online friend stay with me for a while and it was such a wonderful experience, but we also were pretty much stitched at the hip the whole time, haha.

I know it's been a while too since your trip, but I do hope that you recovered from it nicely! I hope that you're doing well! I'm so curious how that could happen - doubling in time (though, I've been on long road trips, I can think of a few things...). Those are always stressful even if they're for things you love and/or are very excited for. So, I hope you had a good time when you look back on it now that things are back to normal. Also, don't ever worry about your own messages being too short. I love hearing from you at all. <3

Your other ask says:

Hi<3 I would love to read a blurb or anything if you want to post any!! And thanks for the fluff recs! I've actually read the first one. But I just read the second one and uaaahhh I loved it very much✨. I'm like so-so on the Omegaverse most of the time, for me it depends on the writing and that story was good. For me one of my favorites for DT is when they love each other and it's soft and nice but everyone around them is horrified and sees how fucked up it is. But like can't do anything about it. Well I don't care about reading what they But I also just love when D(is it better with initials? That's fine just wondering) is utterly obsessed with him (canon) and everyone else finally realizes just how much, just how "special" T is to him. How much they've done for and to each other. How Utterly obsessed and crazy for each other they could be.(D is delusional let's be honest, he ruined his own life and T's) Anyway what are some of your favorites ways they can be? My brain is back online now lol, love ya - 🌮😸

I actually went through a lot of my works to see what I could send (and I have a lot of NOTES, but they're no fun to read without context) and I haven't written anything in a while, but I did find a couple outtakes for the wishbaby series, so I will send you that in your other ask. Nothing major (though I thought about sending a huge one, and I might yet, but this one makes me laugh, so).

YES, I loved the second one, I still go back and reread that one a lot to this day. It's so good and sweet, but not in a way that feels off-putting for them. I love it a lot. I do LOVE a good "what we have is ours and idc if nobody else understands it because we're happy" (see also "because we're too obsessed/codepedant/possessive"). I'd have to look to see if I have any of those in my old recs, but it did remind me of an otherfandom fic.

(Either one. I'll follow your lead.) YESSS, I LOVE when it freaks everyone else out after they're like OH HE'S NUTS, NUTS. Like, T is in DANGER kinda nuts. And then you have T just fucking,, throw his life into the danger AGAIN because of "reasons"? Idk, T brain is wild. I get it, I can follow it (sometimes), but it's wild. He really makes up reasons to make them fight. But D does that too, he makes up reasons to "punish" T so. They're in love <3

I'm big into power imbalance, so I always love when D gets a momentary win over T. I love when he's extremely creepy and possessive and isolating. I love when their codependency shines. I love the fact that D actually murdered T to keep him bound to D forever and just - mostly got away with that? And kinda that everyone is off doing their own thing, so D gets away with a lot more until T asks someone else to step in (which he only does... sometimes?). Also with my writing, you can see that I like taking that obsession and adding a romantic lens over it, and then sometimes a sexual component to it. While I do not believe they intentionally were written/acted this way, I think as characters it's very much easy to view D as being in love (or if you argue "romantically obsessed") with T. And it's just clear enough to T that he could just fuck off and do his own thing which could be devastating enough to D - but he doesn't. He STILL would find ways to go back to/after D. And it can be read as requitment, of a sort. To me, anyway. And that still drives me crazy.

So that's stuff I love in canon (with a splash of how I interpret canon). As for fandom/fic stuff, I think just anything that was similar, took any of those aspects and magnified it under a shipping view. I love AUs, but especially when they keep it fucked in some form or fashion. And as the wishbaby au suggests, I'm a sucker for kidfics, even when the ship should NOT have any. lol

<3

He’s in some wooden building, with lots of pictures over the walls, and the air even inside is chilled by the snow that blows outside one of the windows. He doesn’t recognize any of it.

But he does recognize the infant in the basket in front of him.

Ellie.

He doesn’t waste time. With haste, he scoops her into his arms, lifting his clothes so he can snuggle her against his warmer, bare chest. It will protect her from the winds and snow outside. While she is safe from the temperature inside with the hat and bundled clothes she has been changed into, he knows that any little bit will help until he can get out of this biome. He plans to be swift about it, as per XD’s warning.

He grabs her basket, too. Spotting the chest beside her, he opens it to see – yes, formula and diapers. As those are also necessary, he grabs everything and drops it all in his inventory before making for the trapdoor.

There, he weighs the time spent on either option it presents before deciding to just steady his grip on Ellie and bite the fall damage. He hits the floor with a soft thunk, but it isn’t any louder than the creaks of climbing down the ladder would be. In his arms, Ellie grunts at the jerking motion, and he spares just a moment to look down his collar at her.

“You’ll be quiet for me, won’t you, Ellie?” He whispers, and glances around. Still no one else, but he has no certainties on how long that will last. He heads for the door, taking care to walk as quick as he can while still remaining quiet, stepping next to walls and furniture to minimize the groans of shifting wood floors. “I’ll get us somewhere safe.”

In the opposite of quietness, Ellie lets out a loud snort. She then blinks up at him, wide, blue eyes the picture of innocence. It’s as if she did just to contradict him and then dared him to call her out on it.

Just like someone else he knows. Just the like.

“Helpful,” he mutters to her. It lacks heat. He feels like he should have had more adrenaline from the possibility that someone else heard that, but the most prevalent emotion he’s feeling is… fondness.

Christ, she’s going to make him leave him so open and weak. He can see it now.

Oh well. Too late to change that.

Casting one last sweep around, he pushes open the door. Murmurs, chin tilted in her direction but doesn’t look away from the piles of snow he has just uncovered, “Try not to let out any more of those, yeah? At least until we’re far enough away for me to appreciate them.”

Ellie remains, blessedly, silent. Very much not like someone else he knows.