Overheard in Box Office

Patron: Is it suitable for children? Me: Yes, but we recommend 12 plus Patron: ... I don't have children ...

Me: How old is the child? Patron: He’s 2 Me: Ah, he will need a ticket then, only under 2s are free Patron: He’s 1 Me: …

Me: What's your name? Patron: ***** Me: Sorry, it's not coming up (she gives reference number over) Oh, ma'am you've typed your name in as 'Bitch'

When it snows and you've got two cancelled shows

Patron: How much are tickets? Me: £20 Patron: (Spitting all over me) £20 are you f***ing serious Yes

After selling a ticket to a patron. Patron: If the view from my seat isn’t good, I’m going to punch you

Patron: You've cancelled the show you have to buy me tickets to something else out of your own money Me: ...

Patron: What Premium seats do you have left? Me: We've got these ones... Patron: Okay, I think I'll have your cheapest ticket then

Pointing at the flyers Patron: Can I have one of these Samosas Me: ...

Working on an all black show: Patron: I can't believe you've got all these boys from Africa Me: ... (We didn't)

When someone asks for your name at the end of a difficult conversation

Over radio: The ice cream has not been compromised

Me: We have two circuses on tonight Patron: Oh so they have animals? Me: No it's got acrobatics  Patron: Oh I thought all circuses had animals in Me: I think that's illegal now

Me: What show are you here to see? Patron: Something, something, gimp, something...

Patron: I’m only paying £10. Me: Well it costs £19.50 Patron: … I’m only paying £10

Out of context -  Do you have any non-wet ones

Is it cheaper to pay by cash?