The Burrow

Let's go my 24+ hours awake after being in hospital all day!!!! I'm going to eat this pizza and fall asleep mid bite idegaf I'm fine btw it was for somebody else ik #Chaperon All I wannt do is play vidjeo game and draw.... <- Sleep is either the best or the worst thing ever. Fast travel + mental reset or torment for your being and there is no in between

I need to watch more movies too actually- Haven't for a few days now.. Anyone got any fun suggestions?

Funniest kind of dynamic I have rn with some friends is this older girl and her bf and all I do is gay ragebait her bf (with her around) He's fine with it too ofc cause he also acts like a dickhead (chill way, not legit) I LOVE BANTER!!! It's always so joyous to make your friends laugh and just get all of y'all in a fit of hysterics.. I fucking love it every time!!

Outside of the overall fun I'm still finding it hard to keep my space. I miss so many of the friends I've moved on from... Not that I ever wanted to do so, but the relationship just brought us both a lot of hurt usually. It's hard not to blame yourself for everything, and while I still understand my faults I feel the need to accept guilt that isn't mine. You just try to apologize to friends and change yourself to fit what they want.. regardless they seem unhappy with you? I miss so much of the fun we would have, and as with many of these relationships I still couldn't pinpoint what caused the fizzle. I wish the best for them regardless! I just find myself desperately wanting to ask "Hey how are you?" or let them know my heart still considers them a friend.

Had an awesome day with friends overall today!! Holy SHIT ark is so difficult to load up though... 500 technical issues! I invited a friend to try it and I'm not sure they're a fan of the visuals but I hope they end up enjoying the mutations and breeding aspect! (They're a big fan of that thing)

Gen debating streaming cause people ik keep asking if I stream (I've said no about 50 times already) I doubt anyone would really watch but idk could meet some fun people that way or at least have it for my friends (pondering pensively)

I'm so tired but I need to stay awake.. Can't believe I gotta be up at 4:30am tmr!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the friends that I have but there is a lot of hurt in my heart towards some of them. I hate them in no way but I find myself afraid of my existence and the things I feel while around.. They are not unkind either, but rather it is the sadness of things that faded into nothing.

Being autistic is another challenge too.. I would love to have close friendships but they're difficult to maintain! Most seem to want surface level interaction and connection which I don't understand It's a shame really cause mfs will say they want to "bare our souls" and then when you do they get freaked out! We could be honest about our flaws of humanity except you wanna act like a fool and a prude when it's not the performative kind

I love the internet but god does it also make living hard. Would you like 500 judgmental eyes on you? Sign up Today!

Made a private account erm I always never know wtf to post online. hello? does anyone wanna hear what's up in the mind palace ig?