I could write a short horror story based off this

What are you talking about? This is a short horror story.

Tumblr really needs a "dont ever show me this post again" option

me outside at night: hm. what's the scariest image I've ever seen

Cats never understand that you're helping them get their claws unstuck from fabric. They're just like "you're tormenting me at the worst possible time I hate you"

obsessed with whatever distracts me from the horrors of being alive

New type of guy just dropped

The subtitles did not prepare me for what he was actually saying.

Finally finished teaching oranghutans agriculture. Now I'm off to teach dolphins how to war.

ants already know both of those things

who do you think taught me?

We have underestimated the comedic genius of the elderly when presented with technology