Welp

So yeah on Monday of last week you met another girl wasn't looking just wanted to keep playing with friends. Well she turns out to be a GOONER like your self. And animation lover and movie lover and and you get the point you even goon together otp. It feels euphoric but then it sets in all the red flags that she isn't your girl.

She's your best friends, friend and you hit on her and she hit on you and you feed off positive energy. And you reciprocate it which in turn makes them and you hide this little situation ship.

Well thats bs because you like her and she's not ready for a relationship. But she wants to flirt fuck and wants all the attention wants you yearning and see thats where it goes bad because you realize bby girl isn't just talking to you.

She has more than enough people who are interested and she brags about it and crys about another man and that part you think is fine because its old wounds. Though you know it was recent and she likes toxic.

She finds out your deep secret even though u tell her and now she's put distance made you feel weird o wait. You caught feelings remember yeah yeah yeah yeasaaaaaah your hurt shit spirals and you realize.

YOU ARE A KID AGAIN. You just got played in a game rigged and you body is more valuable then your mind. Hey hey wait what y because he's back in her life she let him in why are you still talking to her. Well your doing it now because she took a part of your sensitive heart and used it for attention.

Now your just the blood supply until you wake up...

You dont want FWB from someone who actually matches your vibe you want love.... stop and look around there can be others who will love your dirty kinks, your constant attention , my care , and laziness and cuddles kisses smell of there hair and constant eye contact even while raw dawging her.

IK Ik i just why do the women that i would actually love to get to know and love come at my worst time. I gave up like wtf she just appears she gets a free bee idk im just scared.

If I fuck it up it will ruin more things if I dont prove im the best in bed she'll find someone else if I dont make enough will she leave idk but all of it feels like another block and ghost scenario I think im seeing signs that aren't there but it also feels like maybe I shouldn't entertain this.

I just want you to know im okay, im fine and good, and just dandy.

I think i should leave social media or at least give up on all this extra stuff ill keep tumbler its my lust diary I love lustful posts. One day ill be the best me.

To future Ken if you ever reread this just know I hope you love your self enough to give up on ppl and fouces on you stop giving your heart out and losing pieces.

She probably thought he's not interested then I came back apologizing and I texted her more she didn't care anymore.

Now i think she moved on thats fine her choice but just be honest with me dont just block and make me feel like another monster. Am I really at fault all the time should I keep blaming my self idk.

All I know is im so lust full and I mean to be I want to feel like that part of me can always be loved. Its been neglected I have fuckes I have ate I have licked and choked and everything but no one lusts for me loves me wants and desires me.

Im just not interesting enough. Im so angry now I cant even see me anymore.

It hurts a lot im always interested but then its like im too interested i find you took sexy.

Im too lustful and I dont mean what I say. Since when are you me since when do I have to defend my words why cant I get a good morning handsome.

Is it too much to ask for someone to help me invest in me care for me?????

Im sobbing rn why do I have to care why cant I just say o well what come around and leaves was never mine.

Why cant it be mine i left 5yr relationship to try if all again like because I knew i was unhappy why cant you just like me whats wrong tell me stop blocking me and speak to me why me.

Am I the nice guy not the (Good Guy) ik what i have done wrong i have corrected it right? Now idk just stop doing this to my BRAIN .

I miss when I could smile and think no one can take this part of me but I feel like a burning piece of would ill soon see all of me chard.

Some times you just got to keep trying im not over you by now means but I am okay with you not being around. If you came back ik my heart would give but ik you won't so im done worrying.

Yeah im off this app it just gives me another place to complain I think im such a wimp for exploring my feelings but thats just because people push the idea upon me that im week thankfully im not and im human. I think Ill keep feeling and trying to enjoy my life im single and young but sometimes when life gives you someone worth dropping everything you kinda wanna jump in joy.

I just got to live im done here last post and to everyone who reads this.

I wish you had just talked to me I wish you had stayed and ik i can wish and I should get over it but I did really love you and ik i was a lot. Im just human i can love lots and I can be sad.

Ik ik move on but if you met this girl this gorgeous lady you'd be head over heals too she's funny, mean, real, and communicated